Kids say the darndest things

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OK this is old news but still quite funny. When my 7 yr old was 3ish he suddenly started shouting and crying,
"Fix it, fix it! It's broken! Broken!"
Me & my step daughter went to see what was wrong.
He was 3ish at the time, and in the nude cos he was potty training.
When we found got to him he was pointing at his willy, really upset, cos it was sticking up, and he didn't know it was supposed to do that. Step daughter went out the room p'ing herself laughing, and I had to try very hard to keep a straight face.
In the end, I called his dad who told him not to worry as it wasn't "broken" - it was "working".

In asking my 12 yr old PDD-NOS son to close the drawers to his dresser last night he said "Mom can't you control your OCD?" Funniest thing ever. Just love how insightful he really is!

I freaking love this thread. too much, probably.

When I was little 'playing' with my older brother, my dad was in the other room and just heard one of us SCREAM. When asked what happened, my response was to shrug and say "I hit him back first." Lol I'm not even sure what I meant.

My little brother, who's a little more on the spectrum than I am, has had some moments. From scary (trying to choke me when I was asleep) to weird- he's got a strange fascination with butts. He's stared at butts from an early early age. Some of his funnier things are just when he's making observations. Coming out of health class (age 11) he goes "Sister. I am going to get armpit hair. Prepare yourself." Uh. Okay. Watching my slightly chubby husband run with his shirt off he asks "why do your nipples bounce when you run?" Lol! Thaanks. My mother and him were having a conversation about austraila when he sighs real big and says "I'd like to go to Austrailia, but only with a honey-bunny." It's good to know he's already nicknamed his future partner!

I freaking love this thread. too much, probably.

When I was little 'playing' with my older brother, my dad was in the other room and just heard one of us SCREAM. When asked what happened, my response was to shrug and say "I hit him back first." Lol I'm not even sure what I meant.

My little brother, who's a little more on the spectrum than I am, has had some moments. From scary (trying to choke me when I was asleep) to weird- he's got a strange fascination with butts. He's stared at butts from an early early age. Some of his funnier things are just when he's making observations. Coming out of health class (age 11) he goes "Sister. I am going to get armpit hair. Prepare yourself." Uh. Okay. Watching my slightly chubby husband run with his shirt off he asks "why do your nipples bounce when you run?" Lol! Thaanks. My mother and him were having a conversation about austraila when he sighs real big and says "I'd like to go to Austrailia, but only with a honey-bunny." It's good to know he's already nicknamed his future partner!

My DS5 and babysitter "K" were reading social stories book together, to brush up on his social skills. His 7-yr old cousin (DC7) was visiting us and she, although not autistic, seemed to have fewer social skills than he did! While reading the book together, DC7 would invade their space, despite overhearing that specific topic being read on not invading other people's space. The term in the book being used was "a space invader" (yup!), so, seeing that DC7 was continually invading their space, K asked DS5, "Look at DC7's behavior right now. What is she being right now? A---?" (the answer being "A space invader")-- To which DS5 shouts out, "A-GGRESSIVE!"

I guess you had to be there!

My DS4 seems to be in the Oedipal stage right now but he doesn't have his terms straight yet. He came up and said, "I love you, Mommy. I want Daddy to go away and I can be your wife."

The best one I heard was the mangling of the refrain of the Basque Christmas Carol, The Angel Gabriel. The refrain "most highly favored Lady" was sung as "most highly flavored lady."

There was also the mistake in my church's liturgical bulletin several years ago, when it came to the passing of the peace. It got typed as the passing of the Peach. We in the choir never let the office secretary forget that one. To this day, the choir will occasionally great each other with the word "Peaches."

when my son (a total clown) was four years old, he cut all of his new summer shirts with his kid scissors. when i asked him why he did it, he said: "Oh, you know, just for fun." i scolded him, put him in time out for a few minutes, and then took him to the store to rebuy all the shirts. the next day, he did the same thing.

i then asked him: "What part of 'NO' do you not understand?" his reply: "The 'NUH' part," and proceeded to laugh himself silly. I then swatted his behind; upon which, he stuck out his tush and said:

"Didn't hurt -- try again!"

My son asked me for a kiss goodnight on his "fivehead".

I figured out that he thinks the part of his face that's over his eyes is his "fourhead", so the top of his head is his fivehead.

At least he can count.

A: "if you added lettuce it would be mutton Viking food!"
Lmao

My son is almost 5. He asked the BIG QUESTION this morning:

"Why do we have to wear pants and underpants?"

This past weekend my DS5 had a playdate. The boys were riding scooters and my son would not be the slower of the two. Racing and making sure he was ahead of the other boy he shouted, "Come on James! You follow me! I'm the dad and you're the mom!"

James was not pleased with this idea. He whined, "But I don't want to be the MOM!"

My son gave it a thought for a moment, and annoyed, said, "Fine! Then you'll be the OLD GRANDPA!"

My son to all the strangers at the McDonald's playground: "HEY EVERYBODY, I HAVE ON MY TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLE SOCKS!!".

I had to fly out of state for a job interview. I took my wife with me to make sure she liked the area, so we left our good friend in charge of the kids for 3 days.

8yr old Aspie son: Mom, I know dad has to go but why do you have to go to?
Mom: I need to be there for moral support.
Son: Can't we just send him inspirational texts?