Overwhelmed : Please help me make sense of this......

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I'm new to this board. My daughter is three and we've suspected that she has Asperger's/Autism for about a year now. My husband probably has it too (textbook case). We didn't get our daughter evaluated before now for several reasons. First, we didn't have health insurance. (Not an issue. Now we have great coverage.) Two, I think I was in a bit of denial. We start the evaluation process tomorrow. Eva has already been diagnosed as having a speech delay.

Could you tell me what I should expect? How should I go about finding resources for her? She's having problems in daycare. Have any of you experienced this sort of issue with your children? There's no way I can stay home with her. I'm the main breadwinner and the insurance carrier. Just any words of wisdom would be appreciated.

Calm down. Your husband grew up OK, so too will your daughter. Now that aspies and auties are talking to eachother about how they experience the world you can give your daughter a better chance than older generations. Read the forums here, especially:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt233189.html

@nopenope: Emphatically seconded. You may have a lot of research to do in short order but it WILL pay, even if you've jumped to conclusions about this diagnosis; ASDs are comorbid with hundreds if not thousands of other conditions, so if you've come to the wrong place (no pun intended) you will still come across ways to help her. From here, the most valuable thing I can say is to be very careful about outlining her difficulties with educators. If you've reached the correct conclusion and your daughter is on the spectrum, you don't want any negative or spooked reactions to her surpassing her shortcomings.

If you are in the U.S, you will be able to access help through your local school district, which will provide services like speech therapy, occupational therapy(motor skills and sensory stuff, for example) etc. through their own diagnosis program. The school district takes over from the county zero to three program, which you would use before three years of age.

I would start with the free stuff first, and then you can always get recommendations for private services locally from your child's ped or others if unhappy with the diagnosis or lack of same, or extent or quality of free services.

Free services are more than all well & good, but I'm painfully aware of the fact my parents let my IEP run away from them. If they hadn't, I'd probably be in college right now, not to mention getting some sleep. You musn't let anyone find reasons to be perturbed by discrepancies in your daughter's development. If the preliminary diagnosis is correct, she'll run straight past her peers in certain areas and watch them do the same to her in others. The support she needs must close the latter of those gaps - I know firsthand, and certainly not only from experience that an excess can be a burden.

Definitely start with the free services provided by your local school district. Last fall my son was 2 and a half and had not been diagnosed with autism. We suspected he had autism because it is hereditary in my husband's family. We have 3 nephews on the spectrum as well as many other men in my husband's family. However, Auditory Processing Disorder is also prevalent in my husband's family among those not on the spectrum which is what our daughter has so we were not sure if our son was on the spectrum or simply had a speech delay related to APD like our daughter had had. To make a long story short, we put my son in a five day preschool program at our church last fall so that I could complete my internship for my Master's degree. It was awful! They called me out at least once a week to come get him. My son is very mild mannered and quiet. He does not have very many temper tantrums and even the school psychologists were surprised by his gentle laid back personality. Even with his gentle personality, his teacher freaked out with him in her class because she said he needed more one on one attention and she was neglecting the other 2 year olds in the class because he required so much of her time. I should've known it was going to be bad the first day when she came out to the car line soaked because he had knocked her water off her desk. He wouldn't sit for story time or activity time. They had to hold his hand through transitioning to activities and he just wanted to wander around and do his own thing. He went through a phase of taking his pants and diaper off during the day as well. I was nervous every time my cell phone buzzed and did an awful job at my internship becausei could not focus on what I needed to do because I was constantly concerned about my son. His teacher would be I'm tears at the end of each day simply having to deal with my son wo really didn't do anything wrong just didn't fall in line to their structure. Finally two weeks before Christmas break and the end of my internship they called me in and kicked my son out of the preschool. I was devastated and annoyed that my son now had this bad reputation of being the kid no one wanted. We started with the early intervention services through the state that January and he did much better. I had the luxury of being able to finish my internship and stay home with him which helped a lot. This fall he is starting a learn to learn class at our local public school which is a class for toddlers on the spectrum. He will then move into their developmental classroom for early intervention. The IEP evaluations sound scary but they really aren't that bad. They can be overwhelming so you may want to bring a friend or advocate with you. I knew what to expect since my Master's degree was in education and I had just finished doing things like IEP meetings but it was different being in those meetings as a parent. What I liked about it was that these people wanted to help my son instead of making me feel like he was just a bad apple like the preschool had. They were confident about his ability to thrive in the program whereas the preschool made it clear they did not want him there. The IEP process helps set put what your child is struggling with in order to set goals that are easily attainable. It provides access to all the services your child needs to thrive in the classroom. I am so excited about my son starting preschool next week and I know that he will be with teachers who want to help him rather than with teachers who didn't. I am not sure what is available where you live but your local early intervention services can also help you find a full time program in your area that meets the needs of those on the spectrum. I live in East TN and there is a couple of local churches who offer classes for ASD. My son only qualifies for 2-3 days a week in the developmental preschool classes offered by our local school district. I am lucky enough to stay home but for those parents that have to work they either higher a nanny the other days or use one of the churches offering special ASD classes the other days. The place to start is definitely with the local public school district and their early intervention services. I know it's an overwhelming process but just know that there are many of us right there with you. You are not alone in this!

Your feelings are completely normal. Even though you may have known for a while that something was different, going thru the eval process can be an emotional rollercoaster. The process may take months to complete. Stick with it and check in here. There are many parents here who've been thru it so we can share our experience with you. Don't hesitate to look for other daycare settings if yours isn't working. The current place may be willing to work with you on making accommodations for her but if not, look for one that will. Welcome to WP!