I could use some help,please,please,please

Post Reply New Topic

heh The trouble is finding a guy who wants you for more than, or even something completely other than, your tits... and is willing to put up with awkward bluntness, poor social skills, poor executive functioning, OCD-like tendencies, and a hundred other things to get it and keep it!

But yeah, I agree that dating/romance is harder for Aspie boys than it is for Aspie girls. There are some things an Aspie boy needs extra help with. Counsel him well on personal hygiene and fashion, and try to teach him to deliberately, consciously look people in the eye and smile.

My son is 14 years old and was diagnosed in November 2004. He has AS and working with the school has done quite nicely. It's not always easy though because my son can be rigid and unflexible in his thinking. We use a behavior checklist in school that the teachers must stamp after every class. He has a certain criteria he must meet at school and at home. At the end of the week he can play his XBox. if all is met.

Your son shows alot of the symptoms my son has shown. When he was in 3rd grade he used to go around saying "I'm first, I'm always first". This did not sit well with the other kids in his class. Needless to say he never had any friends in school. He would say he didn't want friends but then when he would get really upset at home, he would cry and say no one liked him. They did like him, they were just afraid of him and his outbursts.

It did take us awhile to have him tested, call it parental denial if you will. Finally enough was enough and we had him tested by a Psychologist and the report came back as possible AS. Then we went to the school Spec. Ed department and requested that he be tested by the school district. This involves surveys filled out by the student's
teachers and parents, and an assessment done by the district Spec. Ed(they actually followed my son through his school day observing everything he did from classes to activity in the lunchroom). Then he had to meet with this person to do a series of role playing exercises and was interviewed, all put on video tape while I sat and watched the whole thing (took about 1hour). It is easier to see how ones' child's behavior is, when just sitting back and watching someone else interact with that child.

My son has come a long way since working with the school and he himself has requested no behavior checklist for the 4th quarter of this year. Of course it wil be closely monitored by teachers and spec ed. case manager. He has also requested no para support in his classes next year when he enters high school.

By the way my son's best class is math, he is always being told to leave his math book in his locker so he does do math work in his other classes. He hates English, especially due to his lack of using his imagination when it comes to fiction. He also has a hard time working in groups, but this has gotten better over time.

The reason your son struggles in class is probably due more to his social anxiety which causes him stress. The end result is that he shuts down out of frustration.

First let me thank everyone for the help, it has been invaluable to me and my son. It sounds like I am going to need you all alot, if you don't mind.
Having the other kids helped me to understand how each ASD kid is different, but I guess I just needed to have it backed up by someone else. That's the way I am I guess because it has been so hard for me to get anyone to listen and help with my kids. If I am lucky enough to find an intelligent well educated doctor who knows what they are doing, I am left to face the school system, who makes it thier mission to deny services and disregard the diagnosis' and recommendations made by the doctors. Just so you understand I have a 2 1/2 year old dx'd at 18 months with ASD and a 7 year old dx'd last year with HFA and ADHD, by two different doctors and they recieve no services...none. I have been repeatily told by the states birth to 3 program that my son is not ASD because he does not fit thier little checklist of red flags that they are taught to follow. I have tried educating them, but that gets us nowhere. So he literally recieves no help from anyone other than me and a supportive family doctor. The 7 year old even has the paperwork from the doctor so that an IEP can be written up, but the school system continues to deny she is autistic because they didn't say she is. This is the kind of stupidity I deal with everyday. I guess I just needed to hear that I am not crazy and I am on the right track with my 16 year old as well.

I have read every reply I have recieved and I can tell you I cried both tears of joy and frustration. Joy because it tells me I am doing the right things and that I have found a place where others understand my son, and frustration because I knew this and just can't get anyone to listen. I too have questioned the Bipolar dx, and at this point the family doctor and I have removed all medications except Abilify. The Abilify seems to help a little with his anxiety and stress and gives him no side affects. The many times I read, "I was misdiagnosed too" made me cringe.

[spoil]Bipolar has to do with dramatic mood swings with no known cause, not temper tantrums born of overwhelming frustration!![/spoil]

This line made me really think. I have said that I can almost always figure out what caused the mood swing or tantrum. I have watched closely over the past few days and other than some of the sensory stuff that sets him off, I can find a reason for the episode.

[spoil]My mother always accused me of throwing "tantrums" or only developing a problem when I did not get what I wanted... I could not even put into words what I was feeling, especially "in the moment". But I knew I was not doing it to be manipulative or selfish[/spoil]

This made me just want to cry. I have always known that there are reasons he gets the way he does and have always tried to talk to him about it when it's over and he is calm, but I can count so many times when becoming so frustrated with him that I have said the same things or called him selfish. It is just so hard some days and I know I shouldn't do it, but it's hard to remember in the heat of the moment. I do try to always talk with him after it and apologize.
I am going to talk at length with the doctor tomorrow about the bipolar dx.

I read the description that two of you gave me the link to and all I can say is WOW!! !
This is indeed the best description I have ever seen and really helped me alot. There it was in black and white, all the things I have been trying to explain to people. Thank You!!

[spoil]Sounds very much like my daughter who is dx'ed with PDD-NOS. It is also called Non Verbal Learning Disability. [/spoil]

I read this too and although my 16 year old does not fit into it, it does describe my 12 year old to a T. The reading comprehension, the not learning to ride a bike ( we are working on that right now) all of it. So I guess I have some more research to do. Does anyone know if the NVLD dx is common in families who also have autism?????

[spoil]Can I suggest letting HIM see this site and post here so that he can understand that he is not some kind of freak??[/spoil]

I have been talking with him about the site and he has looked at it and said he could relate with so much stuff here. He actually came to me and asked if anyone had replied to my post so we read all the replies together. Then he went on and became a member, but has not yet posted. I'm excited for him to get up the nerve to post.

He is dealing with so much right now, and I know he can find help here. Just last night he was talking about working on trying to make eye contact. So he sat there and tried it with me and did well, but I had to explain there was a fine line between eye contact and making someone feel creeped out,lol. I told him that could be his first post on here, so maybe you'll see that one come up from a new member.

I can't thank all of you enough for being so open and honest with me. Tomorrow we go back to the psychologist and I feel much more confident that I will get him some help finally. The local therapist we have been seeing has also jumped on board and wrote a lengthy letter explaining that he was seeing the aspergers or HFA traits as well. He explained that when my son first came to him he was able to put up a good act and appeared to be fully functional(his words), but as time passed and trust was gained the real boy came through. It was then that my words from the first visit came screaming back at him and he began to put it all together. Comments that my son has made to him, experiences that he has related, and the difficulties he faces in day to day life and school all lead him to believe that we are indeed dealing with aspergers or HFA. I am keeping my fingers crossed that we will have a good experience.

I am sorry this is soooo long and again I thank all of you.

In my mind NLD is a form of autism. Some psychologists want to remove it from the "stigma" of autism and gave it a different name. The NLD diagnosis isn't recognized in the US. There are different flavors of autism and if you hang around here, you'll see that quickly.

The site:

http://www.nldontheweb.org/

is very informative and has advocacy links.

I see NLD as nothing but another autisic flavor and perhaps some day it will be grouped as such.

Autism has a strong genetic component and it makes no sense for your school system to insist one child is not on the spectrum. I advise all parents to get a multi-disciplinary team evaluation which includes a developmental psychologist, pediatric neurologist and a speech pathologist. Find a center for developmental disabilities which are usually associated with universities.

Good luck!

I just recently joined WrongPlanet and also am seeking help for my son, 7 years. He was diagnosed with ADHD with a/typical features. He is taking Adderall and Prozac for anxiety. he used to pull his hair out when he would twirl it and still today chews on his clothes and bites his nails. We also went through many dx's. His developmental ped siad ADHD and his psychologist say Aspergers. My husband of course says he is just fine and needs discipline. Well we tried and he just does his own thing. It was suggested for my son to get into a social skills group too. I am currently looking into it. I feel overwhelmed with everything going on with my son. His appetitie is poor, Adderall doesn't help, and he is extrememly picky. he plays hours and hours of PlayStation and relates best with babies and older kids and adults. he wants to have friends, but even if they begin to play with him, he goes and does his own thing. He also gets fixated on certain things for long periods of time, ex: For 2 years was obsessed over Yugioh cards. maybe I am going about his therapy all wrong, getting to much professional help. What to do?

Skew: I have had alot of trouble finding qualified, well educated doctors to take my children to. I live in rural Virginia and everything is either very far away or in another state. I travel an hour and a half to the psychologist we are seeing now. I also go through the back and forth dx's from doctors, but because I knew in my heart there was more there I continued to search for the right people. Are you sure the developmental ped. is well educated on the autism spectrum? Maybe the psychologist can recommend a new one who is. There is a link to the description of aspergers in two of the replies to me on the first page, you should read it if you haven't yet. It really helped me see that everything I have been talking about with my son is related to aspergers. Maybe that will help you to decide which path you want to take. I feel for you because I am in similar shoes right now. I also have a 7 year old girl who is dx'd with HFA and ADHD who I am fighting to get help for. I wish you the best of luck.

Skew,

Welcome to WP!

I would suggest starting your own thread so that you can track the wonderful advice you get here, and t he progress you make over time. Also, more people may see your post.

The chewing clothes, hair, and nails sounds like stimming. Stimming is what they call repetitive behaviors. Stereotypical stims may include rocking, handflapping, spinning a wheel, or saying the same thing over and over. However, Stimming can be anything an ASD individual does repetitively, including things thay may say or think in their heads. I discribed it as "looping" to my doctor before I knew the word 'stimming".

When my son was on Ritalin, at age 7, he "stimmed" so bad on the drugs, we thought he had tourettes! Honestly, it was very scary, he stimmed a little before, and did for a good few years after the drug. I would take him off any amphetamine based stimulant for the ADHD, as kids with AS often seem to show little benifit on these drugs. It does not sound like it is doing a lot for your son.

One drug I would try, is Strattera. it is not a stimulant, it works more like the prozac, as it builds up over time, and takes weeks to take effect. My son is 12, and I am blown away with how it is helping his anxiety! He was a nervous wreak, and honestly he is just about normal these days on Strattera. I am not sure it did a lot for the attention deficit, however just dealing with the anxiety seems to help a lot!

Otherwise, you need to figure out what is causing your sons stress, and work on reducing it. Things can be done in his IEP to allow for hm to step out of stressful situations. Meds are not the answer to it all, he also needs a modified lifestyle.

Likewise, there are a lot of things that can be done to help with his concentration. Computer programs, one on one support, reminders, organization software, proper placement in the class. There is no one size fits all solution. A drug like Strattera would help too, but a lot of AS kids just can't be "cured" of "adhd' from a bottle of pills like other kids.

Anyway, there is a fine group of parents here, who would love to help you figure it all out! Best of luck!

First, convince your husband he is not fine. Then learn all you kind about Asperger's Syndrome as it is a life long neurological difference. The co-morbid rate of associated disorders like depression and anxiety is about 75% and the suicde rate is 6%. This isn't something that discipline can help and can often harm by turning into verbal and physical abuse.

AS is a different personality type and parents must make changes in their parenting style as well as helping the child to learn adaptive behavior.

Not all people with Asperger's do well in school, especially if their obsession lies outside of school. And the social aspect of school can wreck the academic possibilities for an AS kid (it can wreck them for an NT kid!). I still am not sure how I managed to graduate from high school/ college with the grades I received. I happened to be a good writer, and could finish things quickly, so this carried me through. Some years were bad, though. If my son were in school it would be a disaster (we homeschool). He probably would be flunking or getting into trouble nonstop, despite the fact that he is very bright.

There was a thread in general discussion asking people about their school performance... I will look for the link.

http://www.wrongplanet.net/modules.php? ... ic&t=27270

Welcome to WrongPlanet!

I'm also a mix between a Punk Rocker and a baby, except that I only have the sensory issues.