Help ... IEP's ... etc

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Hello,

I am meeting with the Special Ed teacher in a couple of weeks to write my 7 year old son's first IEP.

Any advice. I realise this is a very important document.

Daniel's main problem is anxiety. He has been having about 1/week off school. I take him to school, he meltsdown so I bring him home. I think dealing with his anxiety first would be good.

He has been excluded from Group work by his teacher because he is so disruptive and melts down. So I think social skills would be good.

He is anxious about handwriting / has a lot of trouble with it, but I don't think is a priority now. Maybe we should buy him a laptop and get him to do his schoolworkd on the laptop. At home we've started doing his spelling on the computer which he find easy. COmpare this to when he tried to do his spelling by handwriting it .. tears and meltdowns!

Is there such a thing as part-time home schooling? I work part-time in a job I absolutely love so full-time home schooling is not an option. However, maybe he should just go to school 4 days per week and we'll do some work at home on that day.

Any advice would be great.

Smelena

You need first and formost, to worry about anxiety as opposed to acedemics at this point. Take the presure off performance. make the focus behavior. Reward good behavior, see if they can provide insentives or rewards.


To reduce anxiety, identify WHAT is causing it. Find alternatives for those things. Limit homework, get a voice recorder for oral answers, (as opposed to writting) teach him keyboarding. Let him have "mini breaks" if needed, time to leave the class and go to the office to chill / decompress if he needs to.

also ask if the school board has someone in special ed who can match him up with benificial software programs. He may be a lap top kid in the near future, but managing one at 7 is a little too much to ask of him, unless he is abnormally good at computers for his age. Even still, with the theft risks and such... It probably is not a good idea.

Some areas allow PT homeschooling. you can ask. If they don't, you may ask that for the next two months, just to reduce anxiety, you keep him home one day a week. typically this depends on the board and state / prov you live in.

Have you considered homeschooling full time? I did from 8 - 12 years. i think it saved my son.
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You need to work out a plan though, and be consistent with it. He can't be calling all the shots, deliberately, or not, teaching him he always gets his way is going to make things very difficult. I would suggest making sure that everything is very positive for him too. Really try to limit the negative comments, play up the good.

Are social skills classes available in your area? Also, I would be concerned about bullying? Make sure he is not getting targeted. That can cause "issues" too.

He has been excluded from Group work by his teacher because he is so disruptive and melts down. So I think social skills would be good.

Hi, my son is 7 and in 1st grade now.
I don't know how to explain specifics. But I do know what is important to get on paper. Anxiety and/or fear is a major component of stress in school. Does your son have any known sensory issues too? Any allergies?
One of the hints to reducing stress (and by extension anxiety and meltdowns/tantrums) is to incorporate sensory "breaks". That can include walks between class periods or certain tasks, my son does a lotion break where he gets up on his own and applies lotion on his hands, and if you have a sensory room in your school-jumping on the trampoline. This is a good tactic and helps your son stay on task. He may actually be able to stay in groups longer if he able to take sensory breaks.

You may want to rethink the priority on handwriting. It's a big deal with 1st grade teachers and you need to decide if it's something you're gonna make your son do or ask for a waiver/alternate to handwriting. He can type on a computer or have his own handwriting schedule. My son does handwriting with the special ed class. When I briefly homeschooled my son, I never had "handwriting class", I had him write reports for science. He has the same attitude now, he hates handwriting period, but will write for assignments. I got him to write a letter to Grandma last week. But if your son hates even that, see if you can have it waived at school.

When we were dealing with a discriminating school (long story that I've posted here) we had half days. He stayed until lunch and then we brought him home with maybe two periods of work. We did it because it was an emergency tactic. Make sure that any alteration in schedule is for the benefit of your son and not the school staff. How are they handling his meltdowns?
Does your son do that at home or do you think he's being provoked?

There are different and valid reasons why autistic children hate handwriting.
1) it hurts
2)they don't understand the assignment fully (writing stories, answering open ended questions)
3)they may be so into the computer that they realize that handwriting/penmanship is an obsolete skill. It's so frustrating to do it poorly and see no hope of real improvement. People don't realize how futile it is to practice something that you most likely won't improve in.

You want to address these things (and anything else that's included in your son's skills) because it will be binding and hold the school accountable for following through. No matter how much a teacher assures you and agrees to do all this stuff, it must be on paper. Believe me, my son has been in the system since he was 3, in 3 different states. You must write everything down.

Disruptive behavior and social skills are the focus of Z's IEP.

The teachers developed a three card system to deal with this and coupled it with a system of rewards and consequences NOT PUNISHMENT.

On his desk Z had a packet of three different colored cards
first card, Z was informed of inappropriate behavior and the card was removed
second card, Z was corrected for continued inappropriate behavior, card removed
Third card, Z was removed from the class activity to a place where he could calm down and control himself. When he regained control he could return to the class setting.
A goal was set for the number of removals allowed each week and if he achieved the goal he was allowed to choose a prize from his personal prize box. We chose not to allow candy or food prizes. The number of removals was reduced as progress was achieved.

The IEP adressed several areas of social behavior such as, speaking out of turn, working well with others, maintining self control. He wa salso allowed voluntary withdrawals to a safe place when he felt he couldn't cope with overload which were not counted as removals. This system worked for him and something similar may benefit your child.
Unfortunately it is still trial and error. If something does not work fight until you find what does.

Thanks for your advice.

I'm not sure why Daniel hates handwriting - maybe because it's so difficult. His handwriting has not improved in the last 3 years. I recently found a card from when he was 3.5 and there's been no change in the way he writes his name since then (he's now 7).

Daniel has sensory issues. Some decreased tone and reduced proprioception. He definantly finds sitting on the floor very difficult and sitting still extremely difficult. I suggested a beanbag or little kiddies couch for floor time, but the Special Ed teacher and my husband said it would make him 'stand out' and the other kids would tease hime. Maybe I should push this issue more???

It's been a disappointing start to the year. The first Special Ed teacher left after 4 weeks - she hadn't been that interested in the job because she wanted to teach English to new immigrants.

The new Special Ed teacher came in and was left with poor hand over notes. The only info he had about Daniel was his diagnosis - and that was it. Also there are 20 special needs kids at the school with only 1 full-time and 1 part-time Special Ed teachers.

Daniel's classroom teacher has gone on long service leave for 12 weeks. So Daniel has been very stressed about this. First, they weren't going to tell the kids until the week before she went on leave. Then, they weren't going to get the relieving teacher to meet the class, but I put my foot down and insisted she had to. So she went to the classroom 3 times to meet the class.

Queensland Education a stupid system for Special Ed. The school has to tell Queensland Ed by day 8 of the new school year how many special ed kids they have and their diagnosis. They are then given funding for the year. It wouldn't matter if another 20 Aspie kids enrolled on day 9, after day 8, no more funding until the next year.

Unfortunately Daniel had the wrong diagnosis at day 8. He only got correctly diagnosed with Asperger's a few weeks ago by a psychologist who specialises in the area. So Daniel hasn't attracted the funding he should have.

Still, the special ed teacher has been spending more time with Daniel then the amount of funding allocated. During the last week of school Daniel was so stressed the Special Ed teacher was visiting his 2/week and sitting with him in the class. Daniel loves his Special Ed teacher (so do I) but the Special Ed teacher is limited by the poor system he works in.

Daniel has very poor insight into his emotions. The pscyhologist was very concerned about his high levels of anxiety and suggested C.B.T. We will start this at the clinic (an asperger's / autism specialist clinic) but they have a long waiting list, so we won't be able to get started until May.

Daniel definantly needs more social skills classes. He cannot read social situations. He's going through a phase of calling other kids 'maniac' and 'idiotic dufus'. We've tried to explain to him that this hurts other kids feelings and makes them sad but his standard response is 'No it doesn't.'

Doing his homework on the computer at home has made life so much easier. He just does it now. As opposed to the crying, screaming and calling himself dumb and stupid when he attempted to do his homework by hand.

I don't know if the Special Ed teacher and my husband put too much focus on not providing things so that Daniel doesn't stand out and get teased. The things is, his behaviour makes him stand out ++ .

I could ramble on all day.

Helen

You're absolutely right. It seems to go against our grain to implement tools that make our kids stand out. But you see the practical answer to that, his behavior makes him stand out already. What's the point of "looking normal" if you can't sit still or are totally stressed out? The kids know he is different and the sooner they get used to it, the better. He's already had the special ed teacher in the room with him.
My son had trouble with sitting on the rug too (well he still does) and I kept pushing the idea that he should be allowed to sit in a chair or return to his desk when "he's had enough". But no one would follow through. Well, it led to him biting another child and getting in trouble.

The name calling requires social stories and it's best if the school can repeat or read one of them to him. My son has the same problem and despite the "years of training" the school staff still doesn't understand why he does it and why he won't stop. I keep telling them and they keep repeating their lines about "respect". Maybe you can write a story and send it to school with him.

Doesn't matter where a person is in the world, these stories are all too familiar.

At 7, the other kids will be more tolerant to differences. Generally it isn't until about Gr. 3 or 4 that you start running into a lot of problems for being "different" or getting special treatment.

I am not saying t would be totally ignored, but I agree, throwing temper tantrums or having nervous breakdowns is going to make him stand out more.

Otherwise, why is the solution always to make the Aspie child "blend in" and bend to the classroom enviornment? As we know, they don't bend. The other kids should be taught to "leave him alone". It can be done, it just takes the will.

At 10 Z's still hates to write anything and his penmanship is atrocious. He does have some visual motor skills impairment bit has largely taught himself to compensate for it, before it was recognized by the "professionals" as a problem. Like Daniel, he is finding that doing his writing assignments on the computer is much easier and more satisfying. Good move on your part.

Z also cannot sit still, even when involved in a task he enjoys. I have watched him read, which he absolutely loves, He is constantly in motion, twisting, shifting position, bouncing, or just squirming. Besides his dx of Asperger's Z also has a dx of extreme ADHD. To me, and remember I am not a "professional" your description of Daniel sounds very similar. Z is also waiting on other dxs, yay or nay, on other issues. This has been an ongoing process with him for the last 8 years.

The Special Ed teacher sounds like he is genuinely concerned for his charges and that is a definite advantage. Do not hesitate to adress your concerns to him and listen to and weigh his advice in the light of what you know about your child. He may be able to suggest some resources that you have not learned about.

Z had to be taught to understand facial expressions and body language anf still has problems picking up social cues from others. Daniel again seems to show similar characteristics. To help Z get some basic understanding we made a game out of it, going through magazines and looking at pictures of people and having figure out how the person was feeling by looking at their facial expression and body positions. Z still lacks a great deal of empathy but will sometimes show amazing insight into how another person is feeling. He also lacks an understanding of how he is feeling, specifically when he is stressed, Sound like Daniel?

Helping these kids cope is a constant, repetitive reinforcement of what is appropriate/acceptable or inappropriate/unacceptable behavior. Also have Daniel's IQ tested. So often these kids are much more intelligent than they are given credit for because most attention is given to their social interactions and their mental development is neglected. Do not let that happen. As for supplying Daniel with objects to help him cope, go for it! As you said he already stands out, you are not creating a situation you are trying to alleviate one.

Good luck. Please, keep us informed.

We've been playing the 'facial expressions' game at the dinner table where we make a face and he has to guess our emotion. We've also been looking through magazines. We've just focused on 3 to start with: happy, angry and sad. He's picked these up and now we'll move on to some more.

Daniel absolutely lacks udnerstanding of how he is feeling. I've bought some good Asperger's curriculum books and we've started on those.

However Daniel still cries a lot/meltsdown when he doesn't know the answer. eg What makes you happy Daniel ... scream/cry/"I don't know!!". Dinosaurs seem to make you happy Daniel. Cry, cry, cry... I can't wait for CBT to start.

My husband is not helping. He didn't want to come to the paediatrican appointment to start with so I dragged him a long. Not that he said anything. I dragged him along to the pscyh appointment .. again he didn't say anything. When I asked him if he was happy with the plan we'd made he just said, 'whatever makes you happy'. I was so frustrated.

He has not been doing reading about Aspergers until I cracked up. His solution to a problem with Daniel is to yell at him which makes everything worse. I've told him over and over again, do not yell, it makes things worse.

Last night Daniel was very stressed, my husband did the usual yell,yell. I was up with Daniel for at least half the night trying to calm him down. He was complaining of a tummy ache. I said, fine we'll go to the hospital. Then Daniel fell asleep - I woke him to say it's time to go to the hospital and he said his tummy felt better.

How do you get dad's to take some responsibility? I told him the other night to Be a Man and take responsibility for his son.

Is this common?

Some men have a hard time with coming to terms with a handicapped child. I did. Some of us do all sorts of stupid things. I did, unconciously I think (in that one cannot draw a clear nexus from realizing your child is handicapped and the behavior).

But we can bear down and become helpful - in my case I am now "managing" our contacts with the school and attorney and I am playing the major decisionmaking role in my son's future. I regret it taking so long, but I've always been kind of dense.

Thankyou for your reply. How long did it take for you to start taking part in decision making?

Also, sorry if there was any confusion, I posted the last reply whilst logged in as my son AussieBoy.

Smelena

Honestly? When I realized that we had to start planning for my son's life outside of our school system (after graduation from High School). Unfortunately, some of my behaviors, while never cruel or hurtful to my son, undermined my wife's ability to be strong and decisive.

God, that is embarrasing. I'm not so much of a butt head anymore, though.

Thankyou for your honesty.

I don't know if I can survive another 13 years without help from my husband.

Write him a letter? Tell him that, and that he needs to come to terms with the reality of the extra responsibility of a special child.

Good luck!

Hehe. I love reading these things cause it's like listening to someone talked about my childhood.

1. To this day I dread writing with a pencil. Something about it just makes my whole hand tense up and eventually start cramping. I tend to do all possible writing on the computer then print it but if I have to using a pen is a lot easier than using a pencil.

2. I've learned keeping myself from a meltdown is very much a balancing act of stimulation. You have negative and positive stimulation. For me things like sudden or drastic changes in my routine or becoming over stimulated from bad textures or sounds or long drives because i cant bounce my feet (drive a stick shift) generate negative stimulation. too many negative stims and I shutdown (I shutdown now but I had complete meltdowns as a child). I find I can balance these out with positive stims. Your just gonna have to figure out what your sons are but for me lying in my soft covers with a fan blowing some cool air on my face does it. A splash of cool water can help. i have some shirts i wear if i think it may be a rough day cause the texture is very positive and i can rub my cheek against my shoulder for a quick positive stim.

3. I was gonna have a three but i can't remember what it is now. Feel free to private message me if you have any questions or want me to try to translate any behavior.

-=Auras=-

Wow, thanks for those ideas. I have to explore that with my son. He does not have "meltdowns" anywhere but home, but obviously what happens at school builds up. Perhaps I can help him find his positive sensitivities and access them during his day. He is sensitive to the clothing issue, so perhaps I will start there.


Thanks again!