need help for support for when he moves out and turns 18

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Chupa-Thingie I don't want him to leave at the ge of 18, I am hoping that he will go to college. I would like to have the supports set up for him by the age of 18, so if he wants to have a place of his own we can get him one with the right supports. I do like the idea fof having a roommate who can help him to stay on task, I jut hope that he doesn't drive them crazy!

I really would not count on such a room mate... Most people at that age, are having a hard enough time taking care of their own s**t, or are not empathetic enough to help someone without a visable disability.

I really think you need to contact your local resources to see what is available as for help and support.

I get the impession it is your son that is driving the move out at 18?

I'm a dude. But thanks - although I feel I have a HECk of a long way to go before I can say I have done enough for him.

I think parents would want to send their aspie children away to college should read I Am Charlotte Simmons by Tom Wolfe. My son attends a local college - much less stress.

But what if the residential program has structure and support they can't get at a local school?

I think finding the right culture in a school is the most important. I can't imagine any type of structure and support that would be better than home for my son at this point in his development. And it was his decision. I think the chances of failure are quite high for aspies in colllege dorms. Most offer little privacy and a brutal social culture.

I'm talking about university rather than residential programs which sound like special ed. Is that what you are referring to?

Thanks for clarifying. I am just trying to decide if my son would be better off at a special program that is very structred and supportful, which is not an AS only program, where they essentially assist the kids through a lighter semester. They live in their own building which is monitored. I won't know if he is ready for it until (MAYBE!! !) next spring.

I appreciate your thoughts and experiences.

Does you son work/drive/socialize near NT levels?

JuSt an idea for parents of young/mid-teens. I knew a lady that feared her son would drop out of high school. He had been misdiagnosed for years and missed out on decent therapy or effective school plans.
Her solution was to enroll him in one college class while he was like 14 or 15. She had to fight to keep him in and tried to be his aide. Aside from the logistical trouble, the result has been wonderful. He has been studying his interests with his academic peers and getting used to this school that eventually he'll be attending full time. He is already producing work and attaining mentors in his field (photography).
This woman, did the opposite of waiting and stalling. It's an approach we take with my son and I hope his temperment will be under control by his teens so we can send him to college too.

I know a lot of smart NT's that drop out or do poorly in high school because they don't see the point. Sending a smart kid to college makes sense.

kimj~great idea!

I think of my son and I have his IEP coming up soon, I need to make the decision to keep in high school for 1 more year or have him graduate next year on time. He would then go to college, a 2 yr and stay at home. He likes the idea of staying the extra year and being able to leave to go to work 1/2 the day, (he is learning to drive!) and stay in school next year and leave at 1:30 to go to work. He loves money!! But his best and only friend will be graduating next year, am I doing wrong by having him stay back to have an extra year, and maybe have the school even help him go to college the last year for part of the day?

It needs to be his decision. Both options have their benifits, he is not going to make the 'wrong" decision.

I think that the 1/2 days at work may be liberating for him, I think that it also sounds like he may need another year to mature.

The only down side I see, is if he get too used to the money, he may not want to go full time to college the following year. But even that, maybe he could do the whole program 1/2 time? As you said, it is a 2 year program right? Better to take 4 years at a pace he enjoys, then try and keep up in 2 years, not making money, and being stressed out!

Maybe I am getting ahead of the situation, but honestly, there is no wrong choice. Leave it up to him!

I was abandoned by my family at 16 years old. My father called me from another country and told me he had a nervous breakdown and was not coming back. The rest of my family acted as though they had no responsibility for me either. I lost over 30 pounds as I was not able to find adaquate food. I did not know I was an aspie. I won't tell you what kind of dangers are out there for vulnerable youths with disabilities! I just wanted to meet girls and hang out with friends, but I had to just survive. It took me years to get back the basics. Youth is a hard thing to loose, although I did manage to have a girlfriend and a few good times. All I can say is, if you have an aspie child, please consider providing for them past their teens and maybe even through their 20s. It might seem like your aspie just needs a little tough love, but believe me, the real thing does a much longer way. One day I hope to see government protection of aspies in need and attacks on aspies legally considered a "hate crime."

Wow, Aspiebegood, what a terrible story. I am so sorry for your suffering.

HM, I say that if he wants to stay back and work, let him! The fact that he & you have a plan that is sound, and he has a preferrence in the matter makes it the right decision.

If my son ever gives a preferrence, as long as it is practical and not detrimental to him, I will go with it. But at present, he has no real preferrence - or idea on what he wants after school.

No, he doesn't drive mainly because he has distance/perceptual issues. I think if we moved to a less congested area, he would be able to learn to drive. It's a bad idea learning to drive in horrendous city traffic. My son works at our business right now and is still learning perspective taking for work. He is exceedingly polite, however, which allows him to get along with others. He no longer perseverates on his interests in conversation, he takes turns, makes jokes. His biggest problem in ToM and dysphrxia. His perceptions of emotions are still pretty immature: angry, upset, happy, sad. We still have to point out that the other person is embarrassed, not angry or upset. It's getting there, though.

He's not an emotionally connected aspie and has no desire to do anything simply to please anyone. He learns social behavior cognitively using rules. Right now, we are working on the concept of "exceptions to rules" and the concept of telling white lies to avoid hurting someone else's feelings. For years, he was very literal and unintentionally hurt people's feelings.

Aspies can and do pick up on peer's negative behavior. That is something to keep in mind when choosing a program.

Thank you Chupa, things did work out well for me later and I have had tons and tons of blessings since. I even managed to have wonderful times even then. My reason for sharing my story is out of concern for other aspies that may be out there right now in similar circumstances or even worse. I am worried that many parents of aspies have no idea about what their child has and have taken the "tough love" route to making the worst kind of choices for the children they really do love.

I have tried to tell my husband that tough love and kicking him out will not work. He needs support to help him succeed. I am now trying to make contacts here in knoxville tn. to have things set up for him. He is driving now everyday with his permit and today it was raining he DROVE!! ! He was so scared. I have always strived for independence for his life. He has grow so much over the past 17 years, but I want to have support for him. He will need it. I have talked to him many times about staying at high school for an extra year and he really wants to stay to grow up more. I am glad he is still going with this discission.