Talk to me about Homeschooling your HFA/Aspie kid!

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We live abroad and pretty much everything is lacking here for any kid that doesn't fit into a pretty narrow definition of normal in the expat or international schools that are available to us. It's looking like I will be homeschooling my son. He's pretty high functioning and gifted as well (he's 3.5 and reading at a 3/4 grade level, is picking up s second language extremely easily, his math and numeracy skills are a mystery to me but likely advanced as he has been able to count past 500 since he was 1.5 forwards and backwards, is great at patterns and other stuff).

I'm an educator (though I've mostly taught adults/college-level) so teaching wouldn't be a big stretch for me, but I'm not sure if I could handle teaching HIM every day lol. I definitely have some AS traits (I recognize more and more everyday and have actually scored as an Aspie on a couple of the tests linked on this site) and my son and I push each other's buttons very well- for me the biggest trigger is NOISE, it just sets me off and I'm very sensitive to any and all levels and types of sounds so a screaming 3 yo is pretty much a nightmare for me.

I have a hard time getting him to do things that he doesn't want to do. He has amazing concentration, focus, and motivation when it comes to things he wants to do but zero of this when it's something that doesn't interest in. This is a concern when it comes to trying to teach him things that hold no interest for him. We can both be extremely stubborn and willful.

Also I'm not a social person at all (more AS traits here...). I haven't ever enjoyed taking my son to play groups and social events that seem to also serve as social events for bored moms (and dads). "They" say that I should continue providing my son with lots of social opportunities especially if he were to be homeschooled and that would be really difficult (read: awful) for me, so it's a concern. (I'm not convinced that lots of social opportunities is something that is really important for my son at his age and stage of development anyway.) It's easier for me to take him to structured classes and groups (like gymnastics, karate, swimming, music lessons etc.) and I don't feel like those are so pointless as well.

I guess most of the above are the reasons why homeschooling would be so difficult. I know there are MANY reasons why it would be great too, not only for him, but for me too. The way my son learns is really fascinating to me and of course I love him to pieces. The more I learn about him the more I learn about myself, which is helpful for both of us!

I don't know if homeschooling would be something that we would do until college or just until he's at the age (or has the ability) to consciously adapt his behaviour to fit a school environment with little extra support.

Anyway, I'm really interested in hearing about other people's experiences with homeschooling. Really, anything. We are planning to look at schools after the Christmas holiday as we have to put in applications for starting KG next fall. Homeschooling is really the option that is standing out right now though.

I don't have any experience with home schooling, so want to tell you that.

For me, at 3.5-5 the most helpful thing was OT by an experienced therapist for sensory issues, and if it isn't possible to find someone qualified, I would try to access a professional through maybe a university in my home town, maybe someone could help guide you in how to help him yourself, right where you are. Because dealing with meltdowns when you are homeschooling would be really hard, and if your son has sensory problems, showing him the adults understand would likely make a difference.

I would also, knowing what I know now, try to figure out ways to help with communication, which is probably in some way difficult for your child.

As far as socialization, I think it's very important children have a chance to try doing more, but have to work with where he is. And there is nothing wrong with using structured activities to achieve this, it's lower pressure, and if you can find something your child is good at or enjoys, can be a great boost, for both of you.

I homeschool, (1st year doing so) an 8 year old boy and I have many of your issues. We are terrible socializers and I also hate noise. We have tabled the socialization right now, rightly or wrongly, b/c I do not have structured activities where I live that suit his interests. He does not have much interest, and all his socialization has to be micromanaged so it makes it really hard. If you have that where you are, you can try it and see how it goes. I think that kind of socialization is better suited for aspies/auties and if you read any of Temple Grandin's stuff, that is what she did well with, too. I would not worry one bit about it not being socialization solely for socialization's sake.

My son is also very willful and resists things that are not interesting to him, so I have had to do a lot of revamping of his curriculum. For example, I had to gut the curriculum for social studies b/c there was too much biography and he is young enough to where they are still doing too much on "heroes" and the community and that kind of thing. We are spending more time on the parts of social studies that he likes.

There were a lot of adjustment issues, and I set up a routine very similar to what he had in school. We have set periods for our subjects, that I occasionally flex, but not often. He still fights me on "homework" and does not do worksheets in "class" even though he did )mostly) do it in school. We do more hands-on stuff in "class" and I send the worksheets "home" so I just have the one big fight at the end of the day instead of one big day of it. At your son's age, this should be easier b/c the quantity of written work will be much less.

I would worry more about your own peace of mind, if you think it would be too stressful for you. You will need more breaks and alone time to balance the stress, if you choose to home school and your child is not especially "compliant." So, you will need a spouse or someone to give you alone time more often on weekends and that kind of thing. If it were not for my husband dealing with a lot of things at the end of his workday (when I am gassed) and alone time on weekends, I do not think I could do it.

ellemenope , (love your username, BTW) well, I was going to write about one thing and then I re-read about the stress of your relationship. I think you just have to experiment, adjust, and make more informed decisions as you go.

Your son is so very young, I would not be concerned that you would be missing anything if you did not focus on things like socialization or certain elements of school. This is a developmental disorder, so developmentally he may be ready for those things later. I would take this time to develop a good relationship with your son by taking his direction. Support him learning according to his interests and methods. Get to know him well. Have as much fun as you can, based on what you and he decide is fun. I just have a sense you will know when he is ready for what he is missing, and you will be ready as well.

As for sensory issues, I would look into food sensitivities. My son is sooooooooooo much more calm now that he avoids oats, gluten, soy and dairy. Magnesium is very important for him. I'm thinking if you get this nailed down, homeschooling may be more of a possibility for you. I also totally agree with the importance of a spouse or someone to help.

Best of luck.

As with everything else there is diversity in brain architecture. People labeled with dyslexia, dyscalculia, ADHD/ADD and Autism/Aspergers , and milder forms (~40% of US kids) commonly have strong visual/right brain dominance with weak hemisphere connectivity to the verbal/left brain where word and math symbology (your son can know number sequences without understanding numeracy), and social communication processing takes place. (Strong local connectivity and weaker global connectivity). So there is considerable overlap in behavior. Critical thinking occurs in the right hemisphere, and local connection dominance is correlated with high IQ. That is why people with dyslexia, dyscalculia, ADHD/ADD and Autism/Aspergers frequently have high IQ's.

The brain architecture is genetic. The “disability” is due to an interaction of brain architecture, environment (including nutrition, physical activity, and schooling), and life style. Some nations encourage an environment and life style which does not lead to the development of disabilities and the incidence of autism is orders of magnitude lower than the US. It is important to understand enough neuroscience so that you can understand what leads to disabilities, and what can be done to prevent this.

The first thing to understand his sources of sensory over and undersensitivity, that can be distressing him. Stimming is a sign of this. Stimming is really self-soothing.

Then understand he truly does not understand the value of communicating with humans (left brain) others than self or extremely close to him which becomes an extension of self. Self is a right brain concept. He needs to be taught that explicitly before others have an opportunity to accidently hurt him making him more resistant.

Brain connections like muscle can be strengthen through exercise. When connections are weak, multisensory integration activities are SOOO very important in establishing general connectivity. Then there are specific exercises that strengthen specific connections, like imitation and joint attention activities. Just like cardio exercises are good for the whole body in general, but if you need to strengthen a specific muscle, you need exercises for that isolate and strengthen that specific muscle. Multisensory integration activities are the brain connection cardio. Your son is at the perfect age to get started.

Start him on multi-sensory integration activities, then imitation and joint attention activities. These are so important. All kids with weak hemisphere connectivity need them, both right and left brainers. The Out-of-Sync Child Has Fun by Carol Kranowitz is a wonderful book. "Early Intervention Games: Fun, Joyful Ways to Develop Social and Motor Skills in Children with Autism Spectrum or Sensory Processing Disorders" by Barbara Sher will give you valuable insights. Her "Attention Games" book might be helpful.

He might also benefit from more Omega-3. A junk food diet has Omega-6 to Omega-3 ratio of roughly 15:1. A typical modern diet has a ratio of 7:1. Our ancestors living and fishing along the shores had a 1:1, which is needed for healthy brain development. It affects the Melatonin cycle as well as brain health. Kids on the spectrum are more sensitive to its deficiency.

The nervous system and immune system are tightly links (both are processing systems). Imbalance in one, affects the other. So allergies are common. Food sensitivities are also common. Food sensitivity is different than a food allergy. With an allergy the tiniest bit can trigger a reaction. With sensitivity, it is a matter of degree. The enzymes are reduced or less effective, so you want to prevent a buildup of undigestibles.

I’d wrap this up by suggesting Smart but Scattered: The Revolutionary "Executive Skills" Approach to Helping Kids Reach Their Potential is a book by Peg Dawson. Best of luck in your adventures. If homeschooling is the approach you decide to take, materials are under development to help you.

Thanks for the responses.
I will be thinking about all of this as we explore options.
Does anyone know of any internet groups or forums for parents that are homeschooling their ASD kids? Any other helpful resources?

Several of the parents on The Homeschool Library forum have ASD children.

The Homeschool Library

My 4 children have been homeschooled all their lives (2 have graduated). My second son has not been diagnosed (no health insurance, plus I probably also have autism, and didn't see anything that unusual about being literal and rigid and hiding under the table one week in 4th grade Sunday School when the teachers wouldn't stop asking him what was wrong and wanting to know everything possible about the things that interest him), but fits the diagnostic criteria for Aspergers/Autism perfectly. He is also highly gifted, especially with numbers/math/patterns.

Beyond church and Sunday School, soccer, and library story time when they were little, we haven't done anything special for socialization. Having a big brother only 15mo older and going to church twice a week was all he ever seemed to need.

I homeschool here in Alaska. There are several families with aspies up here who do. We are in a homeschooling program which allows us to have complete control over what when where and how we learn. Homeschooling is defiantly less stressful ( no bright overhead lights, no loud noises, no bullying). If your local government allows it, you should defiantly try it. You can get all the curriculum on line for your child's age. If your child becomes extremely interested in one specific topic, you can allow him to spend all the time he wants exploring that topic, He will become a whiz on the topics of his interest.
Good luck.