Understanding Ethan, I need help.

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Regarding the self injury, there are many possible functions for self injury. One thing that happens when we get hurt is that our body releases endogenous opioids to counteract the pain. That's opioids as in heroin, and morphine (but not as strong) and these are made naturally by the body; the effects are similar to other opioids. Essentially, the pain is reduced and there is a mild sense of euphoria. This is great when you stub your toe - your body tells you you're injured, then the pain lessens to a manageable level. But when people learn to use this to help manage their emotions it can be a problem.

These chemicals are also released during strenuous exercise, which is sometimes called a runner's high. It is possible that some of the ways he hurts himself may actually be giving him a temporary sense of well-being. It may therefore be helpful to teach him how to get that same feeling through regular exercise instead. Additionally, you can try to get a sense of specific things that are stressing him out and try to teach him alternative ways to manage his emotions.

I'm not certain that the explanation I gave applies to your son, but those recommendations: getting more exercise and learning relaxation techniques should be helpful in any case, so you might want to give them a try.

I'm glad it was helpful!

On providing opportunities for him to see himself as intelligent...how about any of these:

-ask him if kids from school can program games. You know it's unusual (and it is!). Does he?
-encourage him to show a creation of his to someone else (a friend, family member, one of your friends...). Hearing that it's unusual and interesting to have created something like this may be more believable when it doesn't come from mom.
-brag about him to someone else when he's in earshot
-say and live the quote, "if you judge a fish by how it climbs a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it's stupid" (to that end, my father did not read until he was in high school, but he went to an internationally top 5 ranked college and is a rocket scientist. We truly don't all grow the same way.)
-read books or watch movies together about successful people who had unusual childhood weaknesses
-sign him up for a technology or science club, class or competition

Do you have a fab lab nearby? A kid like Ethan would likely LOVE that world, could make friends with similar interests, could learn new skills on top of what he already has, and could gain self-confidence by having more opportunities to work on and share what he's already good at. I would think it'd be worth an occasional long drive if there are none nearby.

On self-injury, I think the poster before me, Emile, has excellent insight and advice. I wanted to share that my AS son (7) used to scratch his fingers up very badly when he was younger. He may have done it for different reasons. Emile's advice sounds very relevant for Ethan.

When my son used to scratch his fingers up, I noticed that he did it more often when he had less opportunities to touch things. My son is a tactile-seeker (it greatly conflicts with my touch-aversion unfortunately). I got or made a bunch of fidgets for him, many "rough" ones like sandpaper, that he could bring with him when away from home. Some of the time, it bought that beyond sensory seeking, it had just become a habit, so we'd find ways to break the routine as well. Long days of swimming, play-doh or finger paint time, etc.

These things helped, but after we did the Wilbarger protocol, as suggested by his occupational therapist, the entire habit faded away for good. (He has plenty of other stims, but none are currently self-injurious or overly disruptive...so I encourage them).

Thank you so much. I've never heard of Fab Lab but I will look it up and hopefully find something like it.

Additionally, I have a show that Ethan might be interested in.

https://www.youtube.com/user/ExtraCreditz

If he's planning on going into game development, it's pretty much a high priority to watch this. It has a lot of lessons about the industry even some professionals tend to pass by. I highly recommend it.

On the other hand I haven't put the thought into this required to get a view on the behavior thing as of now.

Additionally, here's my favorite episode.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDjrOao ... vPCOr_Uydg