advice needed

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I am a single parent of a 12 year old boy with autism. I have just received a positive mammogram. I have no idea how to broach this with my son, and there's no way I'll be able to keep it from him entirely, either.

If anyone has gone through this - first of all, I'm sorry. And I would really appreciate any advice you have basically on how not to completely freak out my son.

Thank you.

If he is anything like my son, he will appreciate a purely scientific approach with percentage odds in the prognosis and all of it. And he might feel empowered if you give him a job like researching non-medical aspects like diet improvements.

But, honestly, I have never had to have anything close to this type of conversation with my son.

My heart breaks for your news. Hopefully you have found it soon enough and have an excellent prognosis. Sending prayers.

Without knowing a little bit more about your son, I don't know how to respond.

I am a little unclear though...have you had a biopsy yet? If not, I think I personally would wait to tell him anything until those results come in because the positive/negative difference in a biopsy will make a huge difference in what to expect.

I am really sorry you are going through this. May you be blessed with ample strength and a speedy healing process.

I wish I had something wise to say (my being HFA with two HFA kids), but I don't.

I like the idea of the scientific/statistical approach. Also the thought of waiting until you have had a biopsy when you will know with more certainty what needs to be dealt with.

The worst my kids had to go through was my husband and I telling them we were getting a divorce. (I don't mean to say this is similar to what you are going through, because it is not. Just their worst experience.) They were really upset when we told them, cried a lot, but adapted okay. The most important thing to them was that we handle changes very slowly, with a lot of reassurance, since change was one of their worst fears. It helped to be able to lay out next steps really clearly and concretely so they knew what was coming next.

The best I can say is my thoughts are with you.

I am very sorry.

I also agree with what was said. Wait until you have more information, and then if the biopsy is positive (hopefully it won't be) handle it with scientific explanations from there.

I don't know your child, but you may or may not want to give all the information at once at that point. He may do better with all the information at once, and dribs and drabs might be more painful to him; alternatively, he might not be able to handle the deluge of it all at once. That part is hard to know, without knowing your particular child.

What the doctors came up with is, yes something's there, but they're going to wait and see what it looks like in 6 months. I am getting a second opinion.

As for my son, first I apologized to him for not telling him right away what was happening. Then I explained that I waited because I didn't want him to worry before I knew what was going on. I avoided all triggering words. Kind of a cop out, but the kid has a clue, and I didn't want to terrorize him. I told him I had something like a blister inside me, and it's not normally supposed to be there but it is, and my doctor will keep checking on it to see if it's okay or it it needs some treatment to make it go away in the future.

He was super concerned, but didn't freak out or panic. And now that he understands why I'm a bit on edge, he's been actively trying to be more accommodating for me. He's a good boy.

Thanks for the update

What a relief. Thanks for letting us know.

It sounds like you got some good practice for handling tough conversations with your son, though.