Party Disaster

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So I posted a month ago or so saying that my son wanted to have a birthday party for the first time ever with kids from school. He's turning 10.

I mentioned my hesitation as he often feels that kids are his friend when in reality they're merely aquaintences.

Anyways, we put invites out to 6 kids... With a date of March 31/14 as a cut off date to RSVP.

Guess how many rsvp's we have so far!!?

NONE. Zero. Zilch. Nada. 0.

I tried to explain this to him because frankly it's not looking promising ... And he doesn't seem to get it. He thinks because they said they will come (kids to him) that they're actually coming.

I have not heard a peep from a single parent.

I'm so frustrated and annoyed.

I wouldn't lose hope as in my experience of doing parties for my kids the majority of people who don't reply still turn up!
I'm assuming you have no way of contacting the parents? Would his teacher be willing to send reminders home if you took some in? Are there any kids you could invite from out of school as well - friends kids/neighbours/kids from any clubs he attends?
You have spoken to him about not having any replies so that's all you can do really and have a back up plan of a really special day you could have together if no-one turns up - all around things that interest him and he enjoys.

yeah, if the kids said they'd be coming to him, they may think that counts as an RSVP. Meanwhile, you're right to fear that he may have pressured them into lying that they'd come when they have no intention. I do think getting in touch with parents is a good idea. You can even do it under the guise of just confirming and checking if the kids have any food allergies, etc. I do think a non-reply is different than a no, so it's a bit early to start labeling it a disaster.

it can be worse. When I was 11 26 people RSVPed yes to a party and then colluded and didn't show up. My mom had already paid for everything however and got yelled at by the manager of the place we had rented out (who was missing out on ticket and arcade game sales etc).

I will put out reminder cards just saying that some children have stated that they're coming and that I'd like confirmation if this is the case so that I can ensure sufficient amounts of food.

I think we should have just left it as a party.... But he insisted on a sleepover and that can turn some ppl right off as he's new to the school and the parents don't know me.

I have no other way of contacting them other than reminders.

Consider the worst case scenario. Even if nobody comes, even if he's very disappointed and cries. You can talk to him about it, explain that this is how things are now, but that he can work on his ability to socialize, and this sort of thing can change. You can have an alternate plan where you stay up with him and watch his favorite movies, or whatever he'd like. Sometimes we need failure experiences and disappointment to get a glimpse of reality, even if it's painful. He'll survive, and if you help him through it, he'll grow stronger.

I've got my own memories of social triumphs, but my earliest memory is when I fell down and had a big bump on my head that was bleeding, and my mom helped me clean it up and take care of it. Despite the pain that I experienced at the time, it's a nice memory to have. If you can't give him a memory of a successful slumber party, give him a memory of a nurturing and caring mother.

How old is he?

If hes over 8 and wants a sleepover they're going to think he's gay and has ulterior motives, or if girls are invited straight and has ulterior motives.

I don't know what to say. Most kids view parties as a chance for Pizza in exchange for an expensed (via the bank of mom and dad) present and being nice to someone for an hour or two. Sleepovers don't really work for new kids on the block. The exception is if he IS young enough for a sleepover and everyone is new, then all the parents will be anxious for their kids to make friends. If they already have established cliques, however the parents wont want extra effort.

I think in this case it would be important to get the parent's contact information from the school. Explain your concerns to them, including how since your son does not communicate well you need to be sure the information is going both ways. There isn't a directly published by the PTA? Do any of the parents pick up?

No one remembers to RSVP anymore. The protocol has become to call those you really want to be there, and the conversation usually is, "I am just calling to make sure you have seen the invitation and that Johnny will be able to come. My son tells me he can, but I know communication with kids can be fickle and since we really are looking forward to having Johnny over, I thought I should call and check in."

also remember: The reason parents send their kids to hang out with other kids is as much to make friends with the other parents, One thing you could do is invite the parents to do something with you and they will be more interested in pushing their kids to be friends with yours. Might be late for that now, however.

he's 10 and isn't really interested in either sex.

I am not a social person so inviting a bunch of parents over definitely won't make them want to push their kids into playing with mine.

My NT daughter had similar problems with sleepovers. Many parents are just very careful. For the last sleepover we offered something like ... If you can't stay for the sleepover, please don't let that keep you from coming to the party. Please come and enjoy staying as long as you are able.

As for parties, my son did not have anyone come to parties from age 9 to 12, yet he insisted on asking and inviting people every year. This last birthday, he just had one neighborhood boy who is three years younger than him agree to go to a game place with him.

It is so hard as a parent to see the heartbreak.

Uh, no. From the land of parent-of-kid-that-age, no, totally wide of the mark.

At 8-12 a lot of kids are still scared of sleepovers, and parents are more protective than they used to be. Sleepovers seem to be more a teen-girl thing now. That's all. Sleepovers are also generally reserved for bffs; less-good friends just get the party, so lots of kids will think it's weird if they're invited to a sleepover at the house of a kid they aren't really friends with. They won't want to go, anyway.

[quote] If hes over 8 and wants a sleepover they're going to think he's gay and has ulterior motives, or if girls are invited straight and has ulterior motives. [quote]

I think this is way off base.

My 10 year old had a sleepover at his BFF's house. He did not think his BFF was gay nor that he had an ulterior motive. Wasn't even on his radar.

He also didn't make it to midnight before calling to come home.

Where I live, unless you know the parents, no one comes to the parties. And as for sleepovers, even worse because people are weary about sending kids overnight to strangers' homes. The only kids that ever came to my kid's parties were people we knew in our neighbourhood, usually kids whose parents I knew personally.

I think this happens a lot, actually. 8 is still pretty young -- it means that a lot of the friends are 7 and 8, and the friends aren't the ones making the call about parties. If the moms don't have a social relationship with you, even if it's just from activities that your kids do together, you're sort of regarded as "stranger" and they're iffy about sending the kid to a party, even if the kid's jumping up and down saying he wants to go. It doesn't mean they dislike you or your kid, just that they're protective of their own kids, stick to their own social groups.