Terrible 2s & Screaming..

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My son will be 3 in August. This has probably been covered already, but his screaming is getting really ridiculous. We went to a restaurant for breakfast this morning and he just started screaming out of the blue. Maybe because we were in a different spot than usual or he just didn't want to eat? He doesn't communicate yet, so it's hard to know what actually was going on. One of the workers came over and told him- you do not scream in a restaurant & another lady came by and suggested we take him outside. So to cause no more weird looks, etc. both my bf & I took turns taking him outside until the food was done. Once it was at our table, I brought him back in- even though he was still upset. He stole some of my pancakes (and he had some already on his plate). I told him not to do that. Started screaming again, so my bf took him to the car while I finished off some of my food. I didn't have much of an appetite after that. Oh- he seemed just fine once we got to the car.

He is autistic and is in terrible 2's.. just not sure what to do about these screaming fits. He is having them more often- even at my parents' house. They babysit him while I work. Maybe it is just to get what he wants? Anyone else have similar experiences & know how to approach this? He is my one & only. I don't want to just be like oh- he is autistic. I've been kind of having that excuse for him lately. It might just be a 2 year old thing?

Also going to add: that he HATES waiting.. especially for food.. even if it just takes a couple minutes to make!! I sometimes even give him snacks beforehand to tie him over.

Waiting is hard. It's a skill we have to learn...a very important skill, however. Find how long he can wait and stretch it. (That will change in different circumstances, but get to know how long he can wait and find ways to support him in waiting. So, the food isn't ready yet...can he play with cars on the table while he waits?)

Toddlers do scream--all toddlers, some of the time. I would take my screaming kid (at any age) out of a restaurant for many reasons. You are smart for not giving him an "out" (by just saying, "oh, he's autistic"). That may absolutely be related to *why* he was screaming, but it's still not ok to do. My first thought was that he was may have been sensory overloaded and that combined with the stress of having to wait, combined with any other changes you mentioned, combined with the inability to express any of this = one huge internal tornado. Again, I would find a general confort level and stretch him. Does he ever handle restaurants? Only at certain times of day? Would food to go as a picnic work better? Can he only handle it for a short time? How long?

My personal parenting philosophy isn't to let the child call all of the shots. I mean, when thinking about those questions, I wouldn't, say, go to the restaurant until he screams. I might notice he can handle about 15 minutes at the restaurant before he gets overloaded. I might start with ten minutes and have some good experiences, then move up. If one day we are there and at minute 7, he started flipping out, if tell him we are almost done and I will support him in making it until we will go in 3 more minutes. (If he became disruptive, I'd take him outside and not give him anything he liked and still wait the time out.). Then, try again soon.. And stretch it out until we could all enjoy a meal together.

Definitely experiment with some sensory regulating things though, if you haven't already. Crowded noises places are hard. 2 year olds don't have a lot of patience...

Is your child fully autistic you mean? (which then would be obvious at any age)

The most important step is to start giving him words to express his needs. Professionals should be able to help with this, either through teaching him speech or alternative forms of communication (PECS, sign language, assisted communication devices, etc.). I'm assuming you're already working on this so I'll offer some other suggestions.

One thing that struck me about your post is you seemed to not know what exactly was bothering him. It may have just been impatience and hunger, but if this happens frequently, and causes are not always clear, it's possible that he may be in pain or discomfort. In that sort of situation, he may be upset and unable to get help, so he screams, and then no one is able to figure out what is wrong. It may be worthwhile trying to get a very thorough checkup with a doctor, just to make sure that he has no chronic illnesses. Trust your own instincts on this, but keep your mind open to different possibilities. If the screaming seems random and not related to obvious causes, then there may be something bothering him internally. Good luck!

If it's the wait for food that's bothering him, you could bring along a baggie of snacks for him to eat while waiting for your order. The restaurant probably wouldn't object because of his age, and if they did that would be the time to mention autism.
You could also bring along a couple of toys to give him something to do while waiting.
Then again, if it's the lighting or the noise that's bugging him those ideas probably won't help. But at least you'll be able to narrow down the possible causes of the screaming.

We had a terrible time with restaurants until my son was about 4 or so, I think. The main things were 1)Being in a new place. 2)Later on, when we stopped feeding him first: waiting for food. 3) having to sit still for the length of the meal, even if *he* was done eating because he would be bored.

He still has issues with these things, just not nearly as bad. He will still scream in the car, first, very occasionally, if we go to a place he for whatever reason does not like. We keep that to a minimum. But he does need to learn about reciprocity and fairness, and at this point we are ready to give him challenges in this regard.

We took a break from restaurants for awhile, it was so bad. Then when we felt we could try, again, we fed him a snack first. If he only ate the fries and we took the rest home, that was OK with us. We also had a sippy cup with us, too and snacks just in case the one at home was not big enough. (We took Cheerios which restaurants won't care about, especially if you order a full plate for the kid, regardless)

We went to the most casual of places that were not fast-food, with plenty of kids, a few of whom were also not behaving as expected. Places like that can handle an isolated screech, as long as it does not escalate too much. If it did, we would do that alternated eating thing, and try again some other time.

My little wasn't a screamer(at least not at restaurants) but he fidgeted enough to be a distraction to the other patrons. I came prepared with his fav snacks, a sippy cup and special travel toys that he only got when were were out so they were always new and fun. If the wait was too long my husband and I would take turns giving him a walk. He was usually ok when the food came, even if he wouldn't eat any or much of it because action was happening at the table. We have had to leave stores though. He used to get so upset if we didn't buy things at the store that he thought should be on the list. We would pass by the milk or apples scream and cry because he thought we forgot to get them. It resolved itself by us learning distractions( if we didn't need milk we would race past the section while pointing out something on the other aisle or hand him something from our basket) and him outgrowing that phase. It made for some awkward moments at trader joes though.

To be honest most of the terrible 2/3's ended up being more toddler issues than ASD for us. By late 3 he had outgrown most of them. He still has the occasional tantrum and the very rare meltdown that are just part of his condition. Your guy may or may not grow out of these in a year or so, but it is definitely possible. Hang in there.

My son has a hard time in sit down restaurants and he is NT. My dad and I went out to breakfast and he did fine because they had kids menus there and he was coloring. It was when he got tired of it he started to act up because he was bored and he does no like to wait and thank god the food came a few minutes later and he was good again. He wasn't screaming or anything or making noise. He was just starting to fuss and wanting to stand in the booth. My husband and I don't really take him to sit down restaurants because when he gets tired of his toys, he gets bored fast. I don't think kids should be taken to them if they can't sit quietly and wait or otherwise take them outside if they get too disruptive or if you know a way to keep them busy. My husband and I stick with fast food or buffet restaurants if we eat out with our child.

I also hated sit down restaurants but just as long as there were kids menus, it kept me busy and food always came before I was even finished coloring. Now I have my own entertainment like book to read or video games and in my teens I would write or listen to music or play my Game Boy and I also did word search. That kept me busy and I still get bored quickly but I have learned to deal with it. I did go through a phase where I would get antsy and have anxiety because I didn't know how much longer till the food came so we always had to eat at buffet restaurants, I was too old for kid menus then so I was expected to sit there and do nothing. Then I started to keep myself entertained by bringing stuff with me and bam we were able to go to sit down restaurants again.

I think it is hard to distinguish what is autism and what is normal behavior when your kid has an ASD. I think that is also hard to tell yourself about your own self. Even ASD behavior can look like normal kid behavior.

I actually thought he had gotten better at eating in a restaurant, but this is the worst he has acted. Definitely easier going to a fast food place (which also isn't as healthy) where we get our food right away. A lot easier if it's a place where he can run around until the food is done. He has been to this restaurant before and we sat in a different section- he hates change and wants to pick his own place to sit. There also wasn't a whole lot of people there this time. He held my hand to go inside, so I thought it would be a good time.

Take out would definitely be easier. We have done that. Also, we were out of town. We don't go out to eat a whole lot- unless it's out of town. I think he just gets bored waiting. I got out my hairbrush mirror that he likes (wasn't interested) and only plays with toys for a short period of time- even at home. I guess I could chalk it up to he simply wasn't hungry. Brought some pop tart bites that he usually likes and didn't want to eat those either. He just didn't want to be there.. maybe?

I live in ND by the way and now starting to get some Spring-ish weather. We -hopefully- will also be moving to be close to his dad & get more therapy services soon.

I had a bunch of awful experiences with my son in restaurants at that age. Family members we hadn't seen in a while kept insisting we meet up at restaurants and if my son wasn't shrieking he was running laps around the tables, confronting strangers or touring the bathrooms. One time in a nearly empty restaurant after family insisted I sit down and stop shadowing him ("He can't get into any trouble here, he's fine!" they said) he started collecting all the knives(!) off of all the other pre-set tables. I finally put my foot down and refused to eat out with him. I did almost all of the wrangling while everyone else got to sit and enjoy their meals. Somewhere around 4 years old fast food places became bearable, he's almost 6 now and has come a long way but the thought of taking him to a diner still makes me twitch. You may need to just wait for him to outgrow it.

There have been a couple times (maybe last year) where he ran back into the kitchen area while we were out eating & he is so quick, no one could catch him! That could be very dangerous. We are just gonna avoid that restaurant and probably other sit down restaurants for a little while.. but he has to learn some day.

I was thinking about it, and we did take our son to restaurants during the toddler-preschool years, but they were buffets. I used to hold his hand and walk with him most of the time. I can't believe I forgot that. If I tried to make him sit, he would cry.

I used to take a portable DVD set and some favorite movies, or the iPad to keep them preoccupied while waiting. People would criticize me but it got me through a rough patch. Just make sure the batteries are always charged or it will be Meltdown City for sure!

Finding the right balance between respecting other patrons and "not giving in to bad behavior" can be a challenge, but you still have to be respectful of the other guests. Taking your son outside was the right thing to do. I cut short so many meals, so many shopping trips in those toddler years ... it is part of learning what your child can handle and living life in the real world. I have a lot of memories of walking sidewalks outside restaurants and exploring the street with my kids when they were toddlers, lol.

It is also VERY important to never change your mind about how long you will be there once inside. Make sure to keep things to expectations as much as possible.

And don't be afraid to abort when things go too far downhill too fast.

There may be years you end up deciding to skip restaurants completely. Totally normal.

A little off topic, but in the same vein: this is what amusement park season passes are for. So that you never feel you've invested so much into one day that you cannot abort and try again some other time.

stormymomma,
just remember are not alone in this.
the two beloved nieces of mine are having their terrible twos,one of them is strongly suspected to be on the spectrum and she can be a right madam to put it mildly, she can be awful to her sister.

people who dont understand/arent around kids will judge the situation in a negative way but please dont think we woud all be like that and theres probably going to be some people sat in those restraurants feeling some sympathy towards it.

even without autism,kids cannot communicate or express themselves and how they feel well so its unfair for grown adults to think of them nastily,they need to grow some sympathy and remember they were probably the same way once.