Issues about my divorced wife's mother and my son

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Hi all, tldr divorce + son lives with mommy +controlling ex mother in law + weak mommy can't stand up to MIL = my son suffers and we all suffer.

I've written about this before....my son (6) lives with his mommy, they both live at her mom's house. Grandma is anxious and controlling, controls my son's mom, doesn't respect her authority, bosses my son around. Probably bosses his mommy too. Needs to be the center of attention. She does have a sweet out shell, she can be loving and nice to my son...I thought she liked me, but we've clashed. I've been super careful about not butting into what goes on at her house, but I did mention something recently, when I noticed my son wasn't happy to see grandma when I dropped him off with her. I've been selective in what I say to my ex over the years, but every so often, I need to tell my ex about grandma. We just had this big thing where grandma had to be told by several different people to back off with the bossiness, and back off with doing everything for my son. She sends the message that "I'm gonna boss you around, and treat you like a baby at the same time."

Her and my ex are stuck up, judgemental people...I saw none of this when I was in a relationship with her. It just totally went over my head. She stayed with me for like ten years, waited till there was no future in me making a lot of money, I had a lot, lost a lot, changed careers, she leaves.....


I was just skyping with my son, and I could hear grandma and my ex in the background. Whispering in excited and stressed tones about a cartoon I let my son watch that was moderately inappropriate. Ex told me earlier that she doesn't let son watch show, but daddy's rules are different. "I wouldn't let him watch it" she says. So I say, let me know? I don't always know. You can tell me. I'm always saying to ex, let me know, tell me how you feel, communicate..... she won't. She waits till I do something that upsets her, then belittles me, then I get mad. Like, in our relationship, I was the nicest coolest guy, but would loose it every six months or so, and yell. Not hit, not push, not belittle, not cuss, just yell. And I'm the as*hole. Is she afraid to tell me things? Does she think I should know, and if I don't, I'm an as*hole? So, my ex is this: I'll wont say s**t until you make me upset, then I'm gonna put you down.

I see things in my son's behavior, in his drawing, what he tells me, when he tells me his dreams, I talk with my therapist, I make calculated decisions on how to approach his mom with these things. She has no backbone, and lets her mom control her, my son suffers.