How do YOU deal with parenting stress and anxiety?

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I am not on the spectrum, but I do have traits. I also have ADHD with rather significant executive functioning issues.



My advice is not to look back on your day. I am serious. I deal with mistakes as I make them, which often involves a lot of apologies and sharing how we are alike and problem-solving how things could be done better, and then I move on. Otherwise I find I spend way too much energy focusing on things I cannot change because they already happened.



I have found that the older my children have gotten and the further past initial diagnosis we are, the better this has gotten. I notice that later you said you are pulling your son out of pre-school, so that leads me to believe he is young. I have no advice on how to do the relax-thing when they are young, because I never really figured it out myself. I actually found getting my husband to stay home with the kids while I did the grocery shopping to be a nice break. I know that sounds nuts, but at the time, being able to shop without having to monitor and correct them continuously and deal with all of the stares/glares was like heaven.



At least here, this has gotten better. The parade is much smaller. One thing I did do (mentally) for myself was to acknowledge how much better I am because of all the forced interaction on behalf of my kids. I am the kind of person who will eat the wrong order at a restaurant rather than complain--even if I don't like the food. Dealing with everyone associated with raising my kids has given me a sense of empowerment. I have actually stood up and said things that I usually wouldn't have. I celebrate these successes for myself as much as I celebrate the successes of my kids.



My experience is that the years don't pile up. Not in the way they seem like they will when the kids are young. When my son was a preschooler, I'd often cry at the simple thought of having to go on. Not that I wanted to die or anything, but I was so freaking exhausted and I sometimes wondered how I would get up the next day and keep doing it. But I always did. Now that the kids are older and can do things like wipe their own butts, feed themselves, and not require me to be sitting in the same room as they are, it is easier. I still have worries and all, but the demand to be "on" 24 hours a day, 7 days a week is less. I can actually sit in here and type without them in the room. It's way different than when they were young.

Hang in there.

I think I'm going to reinstall Civ IV and get back into it. How I loved it so! The music was phenomenal and so relaxing. I'm not sure it will work on the awful travesty that is Windows 8 though...

Do you play Civ V? I just can't get into that one...

I mentioned Zork and Enchanter to my husband and he got very excited thinking that someday our son might be interested in those. I have no idea what they are...

They are really old, but classic role-playing text adventures. We installed a DOSBOX DOS emulator to be able to play them. I think they have online versions as well. There are no graphics at all, and you would not think a modern child would like them. Mine does because it is basically a script. He plays over and over again, and gets predictable results. He looks up easter eggs, and loves to try them out.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zork

This discussion makes me happy and reminds me of happy hours long ago.

http://thcnet.net/zork/

Have you ever played Alpha Centauri?

My aspie is 14 and besides ASD he has extreme adhd combined so he is also a ball or energy like the sun..dx when he was 6 but everyone knows it starts earlier than dx day.. believe it or not I vape some pot to deal with the stress and it makes everything easier to deal with, not alot just enough to get rid of my aches and pains so I can deal and keep up with him. Don't do it before driving or anything serious but it does make me relax and able to enjoy my son more. I enjoy his sense of humor and I have more patience to deal with him as a teen also. Plus his craziness just makes me laugh. I am not saying any one should try this but you asked. I don't do this everyday.

You won't get any criticism here for smoking weed. I have in the past regularly and successfully used cannabis to manage anxiety and insomnia but I'm unable to do this now because it's extremely illegal where I live (abroad). I wish I could though, I'm a better person during the day when I can unwind in that way after the kids are in bed. And it's fun. Alcohol doesn't work the same way for me- makes me feel sick and sluggish rather than taking any edge off.

First, my daughter with Asperger's is 16 (and I have an 18 yo daughter too) so we've been dealing with this a long time. It's an up and down thing. We have periods where things are pretty stable (a good teacher, some friends, likes what she's learning) and others when they are horrible (like now when we've changed school several times in two years trying to find a high school setting that "fits"). The only thing I can promise you that is constant is change! I have some anxiety myself (undiagnosed officially but I'm a therapist so hey, I know!) and have found that herbal remedies can be helpful (I'm not recommending anything specific -- if you want to try something, I suggest you go to a nutrition center that sells them specifically and ask them or look online and get ideas for your specific needs). There are things that can make coping better for you: I get up at the same time every day. This helps me to sleep better and feel less stressed as trying to sleep in on weekends never really worked anyway! Try to get enough protein. I find eating some trail mix (nuts, dried fruits and a little chocolate) between breakfast and lunch really helps with this (low blood sugar can make you feel more anxious). When I get up in the morning, I do some stretching -- get that blood flowing. I used to walk/jog on the treadmill every morning for 15 minutes and then shower. (This used to help more than ANYTHING!! ! I felt it was my time even though I generally hate exercise but felt good afterwards!). Now I take my dogs to the park every morning for 20 to 40 minutes. Being in nature can help you feel better. It ties you to something outside of yourself that is not emotional. Having less sugar helps (too much sugar can ramp up anxiety too). Hobby: I keep a sudoku book in my purse. I LOVE sudoku because it makes me focus on something so I CAN'T THINK ABOUT MY WORRIES! I find this with solitaire games online as well. Yeah, having a hobby would be great ... if you had time and didn't end up annoyed when you couldn't do your hobby because you need your time for your child... that's why sudoku works for me (also reading books! But they have to be the right kind of books -- mostly NOT really deep, heavy emotion books though can do those occasionally. I like to read books about Asperger's or first-hand experience with a comic bend or mysteries/thrillers. Even when the girls were young and I could only read in small amounts at a time, it was my escape from real life... Hope this helps!

As for dealing with teachers, doctors, etc.: Their knowledge is limited!! ! Even if they've seen hundreds of kids on the spectrum, they HAVE NOT SPENT HUNDREDS OF HOURS WITH YOUR CHILD! You KNOW your child -- their triggers, their worries, their ways of coping, their reactions... Remember that when you are with these people. YOU are the expert on your child! They can help you. But they don't know as much as you do. You are your child's best advocate (I also say this from experience as I am a therapist and have worked with a few young adults on the spectrum and it is from their parents that I get the most information about what does and doesn't work; has and hasn't worked; weaknesses and strengths; what the young adult really needs to focus on, etc.) ... Remember all you can do IS all you can do! Keep going...

This happens to me pretty frequently. Especially with high-stress situations like homework battles. It doesn't take much for me to forget everything I know about what to Do and what NOT to Do, and just resort to Tired, Worn Out, Frustrated Mom Mode at times... I have been really horrified, after the fact, by some of the things I've said to him in a moment of frustration... stuff that's meant to be sort of snarky, but really is just sort of mean-spirited because I'm tired and frustrated. I have been considering writing myself a "reminder" note to keep with me during homework, that I will *require* myself to look at when I'm feeling frustrated. It would say stuff like, "take a breath." "Hug him." Etc.



I so totally relate to this. When we first started to get wind of "trouble" at school, in Kindergarten, I was panicked not because I was worried about my son (I'm still not), but because I realized I was going to have to deal with all of these PEOPLE. For me that is the hardest part of all of this. I do NOT want to be in this role of dealing with all of these staff people, administrators, etc... I would prefer to be invisible and never have anything to do with the school other than my required presence for 1 hour at the annual fund-raiser. But we do what we have to do. You get used to it, so the social anxiety aspect of it DOES get better (and I say that being someone who has had some extremely debilitating phases of social anxiety in the past, so I know it's not a small thing.) What I *haven't* gotten used to, is the general daily stress. The feeling of never knowing if he's going to have a good day at school, or a bad day, and having to deal with the communication from staff about that. The stress I get from him being in school is so severe that it made me wonder if I should seek medication, and I have been through some terrible times without ever seeking medication before. It is *seriously* stressful.



I have the exact same thoughts. Almost daily. I get through with trying to find time to actually have FUN with my kids... do fun things together instead of just making it all about WORK and THERAPY etc.... put in a movie and make popcorn. We play video games together on the weekends (Minecraft) and have a lot of fun doing that. I have my own private gaming time during the week that I use as personal breaks, like during a coffee break... it helps. I love Civ IV as well! No matter what other game I play, I always go back to Civ IV when I need a break from whatever other game I'm into.... it's relaxing. I just have to be careful with games because I get addicted very easily and then I can get resentful if I don't have enough gaming time available. So I have to limit myself pretty strictly.

I would like to have a beer every night after a hard day of being Mom, but I have to be careful with that too. I buy a 6-pack of beer on Fridays when I know we have survived another school-week, and enjoy that over the weekend. Fridays are wonderful. I pick up all my kids and we come home and celebrate with popsicles and video games. It's important to remember how much you all thoroughly enjoy one another.

Yoga.
Cardio.
Writing.
Marijuana (somewhat legal where I live).
Prozac (a lifesaver for me).
Sex.

My son is six. I remember when he was four. Some of your posts bring it all back. It's easier now. It's also harder. But I'm finally getting to a place where I can focus a bit more on myself and my interests again, when he's in school or doing after school stuff. And I guess I'm emerging from that immersion in ASD issues and research. I feel like we're in a bit more of a "set it and forget it" mode. We know what we're doing, and we have therapy and IEP meetings, but essentially, we're headed in the right direction, so I can get back to my own life.

And I guess I just started to think, well, if I have a kid who maybe cannot ever hold down a job, that's not my fault. That happened. It's not the worst thing that could happen. And it still might not happen. Better not to stress about it. I've done everything possible and more, so...stop worrying now. Prozac definitely helps me there. I still have my freakout moments, but overall, I'm better than before.

Thanks for sharing. I am going through one of the most painful and stressful moments of my life.
Climbing is my hobby, but over the past few months, with my mom ill in the hospital I couldn't practice at all.
I do play with iPad and PC but I tend to be dependent, and rather than becoming a relaxing activity it gives me more anxiety.

We will see

This is a hard one for me. We are in a tough patch and stress is a real problem. The thing is I had to retire at 35 with significant health issue and I'm now 40. My problems mean most of the things I naturally would do to deal with stress are no longer possible. I used to play football (soccer) and hit the gym hard but both are things I can no longer do physically. I also used to play strategy games like command and conquer, civilisation and the like (when I could get a look in past my son) but I now get too fatigued. I also struggle on the Playstation although not to the same degree as the games require less time commitment.

So instead I have gotten into US tv series way to much and spend too much time getting annoyed at good things getting cancelled way too early. There plenty of good stuff to watch even then though. I also spend too much time on this iPad and on Internet forums and this place will be a god send for me. It all helps but not to the same degree as my old outlets. I still go to the gym but I'm in permanent rehab so the frustration of that is sometimes stressful in itself.

Don't get me wrong despite everything I love my life and my retirement has given me so much extra time with the kids and my wife. You can't over value that. I had a great job and retiring hit our income but it did take up a lot of time and in many ways it was a good trade. I guess I'm just venting and looking for ideas. It's been a bad day and I'm cranky.

On the plus side there is a disabled sports venue near by which I will be joining. Also, as a random thought we can set up an on line gaming group playing some strategy game not named Warcraft. Lol.