He hates the word women

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Hi,

This has been going on for a few months and I just don't know what to do. My 10 year old son hates the word "women." He told me once it's because he was given a Luna bar once at camp and had trouble with his bowels shortly thereafter. Luna bars, as you know, are marketed toward women, therefore the connection.

When he hears that word he gets very upset then repeats "women, women, women...." In an annoyed tone for several minutes. If he hears it a few times he can get close to a tantrum.

"Woman" singular is ok, as is lady, female, etc. anything but women. When we remember to do so we use an alternate word, but unfortunately women is a very common word. Why couldn't he hate the word "existentialist" or something we're not likely to hear much?

We're hoping he'll get over this at some point, but what do we do in the meantime? It's not like we can warn him every time someone says it.

Thanks,

Maybe it's because it is a strange word, grammatically (irregular plural) and phonetically (wimmin). If he only reacts to this word and not to other words referring to women, maybe it's because he just doesn't like the word. One of the things I found annoying in English is that so many common words are not written phonetically at all. Thorough, through, trough.
If he somehow disliked women because of the candy bar incident he would probably react to other words referring to women as well. Does he even realise that candy bar is marketed to women?

I don't like that word, either. The pronunciation doesn't match the spelling. I usually call adult females "ladies" instead, but I've also been told that some people find that offensive. Oh well, you can't please everyone.

I don't know what Luna bars are, why they would give a boy bowel problems, or why they're marketed at women.

I actually hate saying the word man for reasons unknown. Maybe because it's too formal-sounding and I hate just anything that's formal - clothes, food, lifestyle, it all feels so stiff and uncomfortable. I say "guys" or "guy" a lot, and when I say man it is usually in a negative tone. I know I don't have a generally positive view of them...

I have grown used to saying the word "woman" since I've been brought up in an age where I learned calling any female over 18 a "girl" is supposed to be very sexist. There are a lot of nasty words for women but not really anything for guys - when you call a guy a b*****d or a son of a b****h, you are really insulting his mother, not him. "Ladies sounds better to me than women, but that sometimes also brings up stereotypical images of women who are annoyingly polite, overly soft-spoken, and wear frilly clothes while they have Victorian-style tea parties.

There are certain words I have visceral reactions to, not necessarily because of experiences, meaning or grammatical form, but because of how the words sound. (Sometimes it is meaning, too, though.) When I was a kid, I asked my mom not to say these words, and of course this did not work. (I was not diagnosed, so my mom would just tell me these were perfectly OK words, and continue to use them.) I just had to suck it up, but it really annoyed me in the same way that people making gross eating sounds might bother a person.

I would avoid using the word out of consideration, but gently explain that you cannot control what other people say, and that he will unfortunately have to adjust. I would make people who would be sympathetic aware, avoiding telling anyone who might say it to see him get upset.

If social stories work for him, you could also explaining why he can't control people's speech.

I have never tried reprogramming a word to make it positive because my issue has to do with sensory sound issues and so it never occurred to me to try it. If his only issue with "women" as a word is the association with nausea, there might be a way to get him to associate positive things instead, like beloved family members, teachers etc.

This is beyond my experiences to try, but others may have experience in changing associations. It might be worth a separate social story if he can stomach the word in written form.

Very interesting that some of you have the same reaction to that word! I suspected it might be more of a sensory thing but now I understand why. He's had ongoing bowel issues for a long time so I think he was grasping for an explanation for something he may not understand.

There are words I just don't like: Nervous breakdown (associations), vagina (the sound and the way it rolls off the tongue), initiate (the sound-- all those i's make a miserable alliteration), amygdala (ties my tongue in knots, and conjures up imagery from Star Wars).

The "vagina" thing has been a bit of a pain as I attempt to discuss sexual education and personal hygiene with three daughters. I can happily use any other word, but frankly, hearing a six-year-old say "twat," "vadge," "coochie," or "c**t" is probably going to upset the school nurse. "Down there" is imprecise and tends to be shaming. And I REFUSE to use words like "tweety bird." They don't bug me in any sensory way but JEEEEEZZZZZUUUUUSSSSSS *puke emoticon*

So, well, I bite the bullet and use the anatomical terminology. Even if I have to force vuh-gy-nuh out one syllable at a time.

With a word as common as "women," sooner or later he is going to have to bite the bullet and deal with it. He's going to hear it, every day of his life, and reacting to it is going to cause some pretty unpleasant over-reactions as other people assume he's a raving misogynist (I don't think he is; I imagine it's just the word, those damn irregular plurals derived from Old English are just annoying).

Muttering the word might be a way of attempting to acclimate himself to it, and seems harmless enough. Getting angry over it...

I don't know. I hate to go all BF Skinner-- it certainly hasn't been good for my little rats-- but for safety's sake that might belong on a list of "behaviors to be expediently extinguished." Like, every time he reacts to the word, he loses privileges and must say it slowly ten times or something????

BuyerBeware - I just laughed out loud and choked on my coffee at the mental image of a six year old innocently saying any of those words! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That's all I have to add to this thread, but thank YOU for adding to my morning. Hehehe.

My son is especially prone to this. He has come up with some doozies of explanations for things, when the truth is, he has no idea "why," but felt compelled to have one because he was asked to have one. So, he looks at what he has in front of him (figuratively) and pulls together whatever kind of story he can given the "ingredients."

I personally, have never disliked a particular word, but there are some words that I like more than others and it isn't because of the meaning. It is because of the way it sounds or the way it feels to say it.