School Behavior

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Hi Friends...

My son, is 8 years old and goes to 2nd grade, in a normal school, this is in India, so it is not so convenient to find a special school. However, he has been going to this school for last 3 years and has been doing pretty well, grades are not of much concern, but he is getting A and B grades in most subjects. his teachers say, he doesn't seem to be paying any attention at all, but he gets most of which is being told in the class.

Our challenge, which we are observing now for last week or so and once last year as well are, like, he is becoming highly non cooperative at school, he tears his own books, he opens his lunch box and starts eating during a class, he laughs loudly and disturbs the entire class... all this looks like he is doing knowingly and is a form of expressing some displeasure.

If we have to understand, he doesn't like going to school, that's not the case as he doesn't skip school any day, he has maximum attendance and always shows his interest to go to school, like wakes up and helps in getting ready to go to school and all that.

Just trying to get some help from somebody who have gone through such times and what that may mean and how to help him cope with such situations.

We, me and my wife, want him to be happy, as much as possible, and we also tell him to help us help him be happy...but we get lost, at times!

Any thoughts from you, friends, will be of much appreciation

Thanks - Srinivas

Have you asked him why he does these things? What's making him be disrespectful?

Does he have any friends in his class?

Yes, you should ask him why he does those things. However, sometimes it is difficult for ASD kids to understand and express their emotions. He may just tell you he doesn't know.

To me, it sounds like he is bored.

He may be bored. He may be frustrated. he may feel inadequate about something. These are times my son will act out or try to be class clown. If he cannot do something he is expected to do it overwhelms him.

Thanks for your responses...
about being bored and inadequate...we try to give him a lot of moral support and he indeed is a good learner and hence he has natural good support from teachers as well. But these sporadic incidents throw all that good work out of the window and people around him, who are his support system, get discouraged.

These sporadic incidents, along with tantrum times, which causes so much negative energy around, we want to control, not for any reason but for him. he himself feels guilty after those incidents.

I know, maybe, there is no solution, but I am looking at some outside the box solution, i want to go as far as it is necessary to find him happiness.

I would try to keep track of what happens before these things ghappen to see if you can find a pattern. Sometimes it is something that happens right before, sometimes it is a cumulative effect of stressors, sometimes it might be something that happens earlier in the day he cannot control feelings on any longer. See if you can find a pattern and if you can provide scaffolding or better management skills of stress/boredom for him.

Try reading the book Lost at School. The author has a method for working with your child to figure out what is going wrong for him at school and coming up with solutions. There are also free videos on their website: http://www.livesinthebalance.org/walking-tour-parents

Never say there's no solution; there's always a solution!

As long as he's a good learner, he could be taught how to stem his tantrums.

My son has permission to leave his class at any time and walk to his guidance counselor's office. Once he had that permission, almost all of his outbursts in the classroom stopped. It gave him a sense of control that if he was starting to feel stress, he knew he could leave. I don't know much about the schools in India, but is there a principal or counselor there that he could go to if he was having an urge to act out?

2nd grade was the worst one for my son, by the way. That was when his social deficits became obvious to him. Before that he was ignorant to a degree. It was very stressful for him.

Zette and InThisTogether have good advice.

One of the tools used by many autism specialists is called an FBA - a Functional Behavioral Analysis. It's essentially a chart that helps you track what happens before and after behaviors you are concerned about and provides you with data that might help you understand what your son is dealing with that is causing him to act this way.

Here's an outline of some forms and how one works: http://mfba.net/forms.html

Keep in mind that children on the autism spectrum typically have some kind of communication deficit, even if they are highly verbal and use language well. This means they can't frame information in a way that allows them to express it. What is probably happening to your son is that there is something bothering him that he can't quite identify and doesn't know how to ask for help. If you can do the detective work and figure out what it is that is bothering him, you may be able to help him behave.

It could be any of a number of things: he needs a break, he can't tolerate a particular sound, he has reached his limit on his ability to sit still, he is unable to perform the task he's been given, etc.