They've stopped talking to me

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In general, I use an "honest idiot" approach when I have conflict with the school.
It goes something like this:
school: Your son did X.
me: Oh my, he did? How are you going to help him with that?
Whatever the problem, I make sure to immediately let them know that this is something I expect them to fix. I'm not here to be ranted at, and I will not be put on the defense. The good teachers will be happy with this response and start talking about options. The bad ones will sputter and say something snotty that you can report to their bosses.

Also, whenever I have to email the school I cc everyone. Teacher, psychologist, social worker, principal, superintendent. If you want a small problem to go away, you have to treat it like a big problem right from the start. Maybe they'll think you're overreacting, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Let them think you're the mom who overreacts - they'll try that much harder not to pizz you off.

I started this whole autism-mom journey much sweeter, I promise. And sometimes sweet works, but sometimes it gets you squashed into jelly.

Yeah. We have a good school, and sweet would have gotten me run over and my kid crushed. And my kid isn't even autistic (or at least none of the ones in school-- jury's still out on whether Ab is an Asp). DS isn't even very ADHD, just a touch. I tried sweet. Sweet did not fly. Sweet went to hell, and then sweet died.

I play the Thinkful Hillbilly. They seem to not feel as threatened by the Daisy Mae From West Virginia Voice. They don't know, of course, that that's the voice of my forebears and of my strength... and I'm not about to tell them. What they don't know won't hurt 'em. Or me.

I can toss things out like, "Well, ah'm not edjicated innit, an' 'course nobody knew back then, but when Cousin Susie Lou was in school my aunt sorta done it thisaway, and you know, it did work! She come out of it all right after a bit..."

And they listen!! They didn't listen when I was saying "Executive function this" and "cognitive deficit that" and "proactive support the other thing." They wrote me off as another Google expert (I'd gone quite a bit farther than Googling it, thank you) if I said anything a whole lot more technical that "pencil fidget."

It kind of makes me want to gag, but it seems to be the case. They feel threatened by Technical Language Expert Woman. They don't feel threatened by Uneducated Hick Making Suggestions In Her Two-Syllable Vocabulary Woman. Technical Woman is a threat to their expertness. Two-Syllable Woman is an involved parent struggling to overcome pitiable hardships, and they can listen to that.

Omg, yippy skippy, that is brilliant. I wish I could learn to go the hillbilly route.

Waterfall, the best thing I ever did for my son was hire an advocate...and I made sure I chose one that was not afraid of the administration. She comes with us to every meeting and all I have to do is give her a look and she knows what to say to them that is direct, in disagreement, and fairly pleasant. She is great at translating my anger and emotions into understandable concerns that the school can relate to and work with. She has had to call them on their s**t and hold their feet to the fire to get my son what he needs and is entitled to by law. I just sit back and smile and let her do the talking. She is way more effective than I ever was by myself.

I highly recommend hiring someone to battle for you so your emotions don't get in the way. I have so much less anxiety now than I did before I hired her. When any little thing comes up at school, I discuss it with her first and turn it over to her as much as I can. That's her job and I can go back to my job of loving my son (and doing my own full time job).

Hang in there!

@waterfalls

Hoping things have mellowed a bit after the Christmas break!