Options for adult children when everybody's in denial

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I hate to say it but this might be a lost cause. It's very hard to change ones ways later in life. You might be able to get everyone on board with you through, say, an intervention of sorts where you present the facts etc. If you could somehow get a professional who knows about ASD in on it, all the better. But even if you did that? It will be exceedingly difficult to get a 40 year old person with ASD on board for change. He's been pampered his whole life and is well set in his ways. I mean whats the plan? ABA for a 40 year old? Tough love? Unless the government will care for him 100% he will end up back on the streets with a needle in his arm.

Right. It does feel like a lost cause with this type of situation. But hard to give up or not care much. Plus being selfish and guilty of having that feeling you don't have to live with him day in and out. If it is undiagnosed adult autism like my similar situation it's not they are pampered it's that behavior/social development problems is excused since child and giving whatever temp quieted or solved the issue at that moment. The caretaker let them just slide by. When the caretaker of that person can't no more it leaves that adult forced to feel pressure and yes it would almost impossible to change at this age. If it was up to him..he could die and problem solved.Early intervention as a kid and making a life long dream team with backup is my plan. I tell everyone certain instructions and my son's plan/ therapy daily just in case I die. I am leaving the manual for my 2.7 yr son.

It sounds more like bad parenting than AS issues.

The parents should make the kid grow the **** up instead of making everyone else support his indigence and substance abuse.

I find your post infuriating, but hardly know why. I'll try to think it through and respond later, but right off the bat:

The "kid" is a middle aged adult, two years older than you.

Not all problems have solutions and many of those that do are not at all simple.

If you can explain what you mean about making him grow up, I would be very interested to know what that is. Right now it sounds like empty judgment.

This sounds like a complicated situation with dysfunctional parents and a dysfunctional adult child. "grow the F up" seems like an utterly useless platitude as a response.

Maybe I am reacting strongly because it reminds me of things I overheard as an undiagnosed young adult, and some of those memories produce powerful emotions. There are few things more enraging than being told to suck it up and "just" do something you cannot do.

That IS pampering. Almost by definition. He's a spoiled adult on top of being (possibly) autistic. I've seen spoiled non autistc people be unable to change that late in life. I highly doubt this person is going to suddenly gain life skills and an attitude change even if put in a situation where he's "Forced" to or suffer dire consequences such as homelessness. I think the only hope is really to get a DX and maybe get him into a group home IF he qualifies.

Your right. Thank you for polite response. The pamper and spoiled thing has followed into adulthood not material items but yes treatment. It's a dysfunctional family unit overall with deeper issues. Overall from responses make sense there's no easy solution. With Autism late diagnosis it's like catching cancer at Stage 10. Glad I got son diagnosed at 2 early intervention.

If he's having "relationships" (I really hope this doesn't mean sex) with underage girls, isn't maybe a care facility or a prison a better place for him until he can learn why that is wrong? Young girls need to be protected from predators, even ones who "don't know any better"--if that even applies here and he doesn't understand why it's wrong. If he DOES understand that it's wrong and does it anyway because he wants to, then he definitely needs to be in prison.

If I misread your original post and you're not talking about sexual relationships, then it should still be explained to him that as an adult he should not be having relationships with young girls because it's inappropriate. Honestly, I'm kind of amazed no one else seems to either have noticed that in the OP or thought it might be worth mentioning further.