"I don't know why she does these things."

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Ummmmm.....because she's autistic.

Sorry, just needed to vent. My kid's teacher said that to me today. She's a really nice lady, but she just doesn't "get it."

I get it. My son has really nice teachers who are trained to work with kids on the spectrum, yet they thought my son was being defiant because he was not stopping some behavior when they said: "stop it," and similar instances. After speaking with my son, I had to explain to the teachers that he did not stop because he had no idea that they were asking him to stop the behavior (like making noises) and not asking him to stop asking: "What was I doing?" This is because they would say his name, he would ask what he was doing, then they would say: "Stop it." I explained that they needed to be really specific. I also had to explain that he may actually not realize he was making the noises in the first place. So, they got it enough (because of the training) to understand what I meant, but are still learning.

On the surface, I have found the best response to that comment is "It's because she is autistic."

However, if you really think about it, it is often still a valid question. Many "symptoms" of autism can be managed if you can figure out what is giving rise to them, especially if they are related to sensory issues.

It is annoying, though. I don't know if your daughter is like mine, but mine "passes a lot. So when her autism shows and people say this, I really feel like saying, "well, she doesn't have a diagnosis of autism for no reason.""

I remember being called in for a discussion with the inclusion class teacher for my son. The teacher was really upset because he had seen my son bang his head into the wall after he got really frustrated in class (a task that involved writing quickly on diagrams and working with a team did not go so well for him.)

It was as if he had never heard of such behavior before. I got frustrated because they kept talking about his meltdowns as if detention would correct the problem behavior. They were claiming that the meltdowns had nothing to do with ASD and I had to bring photocopies about meltdowns and emotional regulation problems in ASD to the IEP meeting.

As soon as the documentation went into the folder, they changed strategy. But I know my son is not the first or most severe kid they have had in the district so I can't help but feel they are lying to me and the meetings are some kind of game.

"Why is the baby crying?"
"Because he's a baby."

Yeah of course he is crying because he is a baby but babies don't cry just because they are a baby, they are crying because they have a reason.

My parents never said about me "because she has Asperger's" for things I would do. They would always find a reason behind it. Why do I smell things, why am I acting that way. Why did I think "Stop that teasing" meant do another tease or telling me to "stop that" meant do another mischievous thing, why am I so grumpy about going to Zion Natural Park and why am I so sick to my stomach, why am I in the moment child. It was never because "she has Asperger's."

So asking about why an autistic child does something and saying "because he's autistic" is not a good answer because there is a reason behind that behavior. Saying that someone is autistic as a reason does not really explain it. They want to know why behind it. Why does an autistic person flap their hands, why does an autistic person throw a tantrum like behavior in the store, why isn't the autistic child staying seated, why can't an autistic child dress themselves or go to the bathroom on their own without help, why is an autistic person afraid to go on the escalator. It's like how autistic children want to know reason behind the rules, well people want to know reason behind the symptoms just like how moms want to know reasons behind their baby crying.

I have anxiety and I sure would like to know the reason behind it than because "I have anxiety."

Yep. It kills me because a lot of how my daughter performs in school is dependent on the teachers "Getting it" This year her teachers really get it and shes doing phenomenally well. One of the teachers has a son with autism. She gets it. She makes her other teacher get it (4th grade at our school is co taught by two teachers). But last year? The teacher really really didn't get it. She was a really nice and patient lady but really didn't understand nor take the time to which killed me because she had celiacs herself and expected everyone to be understanding of that. But when it came to other differences? No. She wouldn't take the time to figure it out. ANYWAY. Another point of contention is when family friends insist she seems "fine" and was misdiagnosed, and then 3 minutes later want to know "why is she freaking out?" and "what's wrong with her?"

UGH

I didn't realize you knew my brother in law!