I was sexually abused as a child....how to avoid it...

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I was one of 80 people abused by a sports teacher.Eventually he absconded and hasnt been seen for 20 years.I never felt like I could tell my parents for 2 reasons:

1.my stepfather was angry and abusive ...he would tell me not to talk to my mother for the duration of our family holiday because she "needed a break too" , but infact he just wanted me out of the way so he could hve her to himself.She never believed me when I told her and even on her deathbed refused to listen to a single word of it....of how he was violent whenever she was not there.
2.my stepfather had rules which my mother didnt like but would allow him to enforce:
a) children are to be seen and not heard
b) children always do what an adult tells them without exception
c) children are not to think..." you know what thought did" was the common refrain

so when my sports teacher told me to go down , thats where I went.I wanted to kill him , that was literally the only way out I could see.I told the police after about 50 other kids had done so and given up my name.The police called my parents to ask if I ever told them , and my parents never mentioned anything about it to me.And my mother still couldnt understand why i was always sick and moping in my room whenevr I went home

the lesson for me is simple:
dont tell your autistc child to always obey adults , we take these things too literally.Also we find it very hard to lie and really hate being called liars.

Im sure since you are here and reading this you are conscientious and wont be making the same mistakes as my parents , but beware that the abusers knwo how to spot the kids who wont tell and how to manipulate them into doing anything and we as aspies are top of the target pile

I'm sorry that happened to you. I worry about my 5yo dd very much. I've been grappling with those concepts of obedience with her. She's very willful and although she must conform to societies standard to a certain extent she also needs to be able to do her own thing. I tell her she must obey me but I don't tell her she must obey all adults. I worry more about her peers though actually. We're definitely going to be emphasizing good/bad touch with some social stories.

Peace, love, health and happiness.

I agree that AS kids are easy targets for abuse. They can be easy to manipulate with twisted logic from an older person and also don`t usually have a clear sense of what is proper behaviour and what isn`t. Even though they feel uncomfortable with something feeling uncomfortable with other people is a part of everyday life anyway. As an adult I was/am still vulnerable to having the first instinct to do what other people tell me and find it very difficult to say no to things I don`t want to do.

Sadly this is true, people should be more aware of that.

This is true as I was abused by my grandfather when I was little. And my Mum still refuses to believe me, because obviously, its my grandfather on her side. I wish that I could castrate the a'hole.

my mum knew full well what was happening to me but told me it was my fault for flirting and being a slut (I was 8y old). She was the one who threatened me to keep to quiet. I confronted her about this when I was older but she denied everything and the rest of my family who also knew full well what happened were on her side and said I should apologise for upsetting her. Where is there any refuge. My only peace came when I mentally divorced from my family.

Denial can be sick and cruel. Is there anyone that you know that does believe you. I don't know you, but from what I read, I can say that I believe you.

I am so sorry for all of you! I worry about this as a parent of an Aspie, too. I have tried to develop an honest and open relationship with children. I always tell them they can tell me anything; they will never get in trouble for telling me something. I also tell them that if someone tells them to do something, and they know it's wrong, not to do it! I don't know if this will be enough, and hopefully they will never encounter any situation where their "training" by me will be put to the test! I watch my kids like a hawk, always make sure they are supervised and try to keep the lines of communication open. I know one day I will have to "let them go" but hope by that time they will be secure enough and mature enough to handle themselves.

It is important with an AS child, or really any child to spell out exactly what you are afraid might happen. Using generic langauge like "you can tell me anything, I won't get mad" or "if someone asks you to do something and you know it is wrong don't do it!" Can unfortunately not prove very helpful in all situations.

I think you need to deal specifically with sexual abuse. Tell them that if any person tries to touch them in a private place or ask them to touch them in a private place, then they are to not do it and get away. Tell them that some bad people may make up stories that it is ok, or they will be in trouble if they don't do it, but they are liers. Also teach them that if anyone touches them anywhere you want to know about it, even if it is just a hand on the shoulder or a hug when they are upset. Tell them that sometimes touches like that on parts of the body that are not private are ok, but you still want to hear about it.

This is something the younger child needs frequent reminders of, every few months at least, and especially before they go off to the care of a new adult in their lives, say a youth group or lesson of any discription.

I also think it is very important to take an active interest in your childs activities. It is like pulling teeth to get information out of a child with AS, for years my son could not communicate this sort of stuff with me but he is learning. I ask him about his morning when he comes home for lunch, then his afternoon when he arrives at the end of the day. I also ask him about the people he spends time with, like "did you see ___ today? How where they? do you like them?" He is getting better at answering my questions now he is 12, I hope that even if he does not come right out and initiate a topic about a negative experiance he is having, I can at least read a little between the lines if something is amiss..."

I am sorry to hear of all your sad stories. I am fortunate that I was never sexually abused, however my mother was. I know it had life long consequences for her. My husband also once came home to find two cops waiting for him with questions about if he was ever abused by his church minister. Fortunately he was not, although he spent alone time with the man, I suppose my husband was one of the kids he used as a shield to protect his reputation. See... these boys only good things to say about me, I don't know why ____ is saying these things, you know he has a reputation for trouble at school and lying?...

I was too rigid for that to be a problem. I was terrified of men and hated being alone with them as a child. For some reason I was sexually aware at a young age, even if I didn't know what it all meant. So, at 10 when a teen was chasing me around the house and trying to wrestle or corner me, I was able to fight him off. I know for a fact I wouldn't have been able to tell on him if anything had happened. I knew that I would have been blamed.
Not to diminish the negative effects of sexual abuse, but I do think there are other types of abuse that are just as bad. For some reason, sexual abuse is raised at a higher level of horror. I personally think the masses are titilated by sexual violence, even the most pinched-faced old church lady, maybe moreso. When children are assaulted, I think it's no one's business if it was sexual or not. Violence is violence. But it's always on the news and that's the first thing people think about when they think about abuse. Sometimes descriptions in the news border on porn, I know I have heard discussions of abuse that in any other context would be felony child porn-but weren't because they were talk show confessions or accusations.

There are plenty of other things people can do to terrorize and traumatize a child forever.

If you are concerned about this happening to your kids, I recommend the book "A Very Touching Book."

It talks about good touches, bad touches, etc. and has funny cartoons of naked people. My kids thought it was hilarious - I was a bit uncomfortable but they just thought it was great. Its a very open, honest book that present the info in a non-threatening, non-scary way. The pictures make it so good. For instance, they talk about special, private parts. And that you can tell they are special because we cover them up. Then there is a picture of all these people at the grocery store, naked. This was extraordinarily funny to my Aspie daughter.

Most importantly, it got the message across in a way that I could not. My DD has so much difficulty with the abstract and until she saw this int he book it was all abstract to her.

The book was recommended to us by a counselor who specializes in preventing child abuse and neglect and I highly recommend it. You should be able to get it at the library. Read it first before handing it over to the kids to make sure you are comfortable with it - there is cartoon nudity which I know can freak out some parents.

Whenever I am walking/jogging in my area, and I pass by a tough-looking man, I feel a shiver down my back and think "please don't attack me". Its just an automatic thought. I am still scared to bits when I hear a creak on the stairs or a movement of a door in the wind when I am at home by myself. I just think that there's somebody downstairs that is about to attack me...

Hi,
I have been a reader of this website for a while, but I wanted to chime in that I recently was ready to sign up my sweet innocent child for a special small private school that caters to autism and special needs thinking that it would be helpful to him. (We home school). But, my husband was very wise and said that our AS child is so vulnerable right now and would be the youngest child in this school. My husband was concerned about him being a target for molestation by some of the other older students because there might not be enough supervision and not everyone is as conservative with their children as we are.

At first, we argued because I thought he was being paranoid, but reading your posts confirms what I finally agreed to. Our child is safest at home right now and if we have any misgivings about a situation, we should trust our instincts. We have one son who is a young adult now who was molested by an older son of a family that we were close friends with. This family was very strict, but obviously not able to supervise all the time. It is so sad that you have to be so protective, but I don't want anything like that to happen again!