Reality check: how much should parents organize homework?

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kcizzle
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02 Mar 2016, 2:38 am

btbnnyr wrote:

The problem is that kids in SPED are generally considered by teachers and school officials as people to get through the system, not as people with potential who should be educated well or taught skills to be used in future pursuits of any value.

I think this is true for all kids not just the ones in special ed. Teachers are getting them through the system till they age out. They might hope they'll be ready for the world once they come out the other end but if they're not it really isn't the school's problem as they have a constant stream of kids passing through.

momsparky
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02 Mar 2016, 9:19 am

So, the punchline to this entire thread is this: I FINALLY got a copy of his IEP (obviously, a whole different problem,) and on the second page:

"Momsparky stated that DS will need prompts to use his planner, clean out his backpack, and hand in completed work. It is most effective to email with Momsparky, and she appreciates having one "go to" person to communicate with"

That's all I was asking for - and they agreed to do it (there's nothing in the IEP that states otherwise, and there was no discussion about "not enough staff" at the meeting) before we started school.

ASDMommyASDKid
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02 Mar 2016, 9:55 am

momsparky wrote:

I am not surprised. That sounds like you to cya and put that in there. So now they have to figure out how to get it done.

momsparky
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02 Mar 2016, 11:27 am

Waterfalls
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02 Mar 2016, 10:00 pm

I hope they follow the IEP. It is exhausting having to always be vigilant. People won't for my child, there was something specific and it was a goal and they have refused to acknowledge it is in there and refused to follow it for months, because it was inconvenient, same as here. You may have to work very hard for this.

kraftiekortie
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03 Mar 2016, 8:49 am

Hi Waterfalls....haven't seen your face in a while

momsparky
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03 Mar 2016, 12:54 pm

Waterfalls wrote:

I hope they follow the IEP. It is exhausting having to always be vigilant.

You bet - and I'm going to go farther, because I would bet that same issue has a lot to do with the fact that 70% of SPED kids are performing below grade level at our high school.

It IS frustrating and exhausting, but I hope I can make it less so for the next parent down the line...

Thanks!

jkrane
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03 Mar 2016, 1:25 pm

momsparky wrote:

Reality check: what should a parent's role be in helping their SPED student's executive functioning deficits be where homework is concerned?

I just had a long conversation with the SPED department and my son's caseworker: he has been missing approximately 3 assignments per week, and has not been getting his long-term assignments "chunked" because he hasn't been reporting those assignments to his caseworker.

His caseworker essentially told me (and she's absolutely right) that she doesn't have the resources to check the school's computerized system for 10 students and follow up on all their assignments, and implied that we are supposed to be doing that at home. She said she prompts all the students to check each day.

My response was that I agree that she is right; that can't be done in a class of 10, but that my son can't be the only one who needs something more than a prompt to do his homework, he needs some kind of accountability system. In the end we agreed to an afterschool check and an email to all his teachers, but her general response was that the law (in our state) is 10 SPED kids to a classroom, and the department isn't going to add resources.

I don't want to take resources away from other kids, but I also don't think it should be my role as a parent to check every class daily and then check all of my son's work to make sure it is done (this is where I'd like a reality check.) I recognize how much time this takes because we've been doing it somewhat unsuccessfully, but if we have to do this at home, so do all the parents who don't have the resources to do it.

I would guess that a large proportion of SPED kids have poor grades due to this specific problem - I know I've talked to several other parents about this issue. According to the school's "report card," SPED kids are only meeting grade-level expectations about 30% of the time - I can't imagine why they think it's acceptable to have the minimum required staff and just allow kids to fail.

I do understand that at some point, I have to roll with the system: I'm just wondering if you think it's acceptable to ask a parent to follow up on every class a student has every day to make sure they do or don't have homework, rather than just making sure the student has the supplies, time, and requirement of doing homework at home.

Forget about worrying about your son's homework completion. My parents breathed down my back to make sure I got all my assignments done all throughout elementary and highschool. I never learned to do anything meaningful except homework assignments, and, despite graduating highschool with honors, I dropped out of three post secondary institutions, because I did not have the maturity of the life skills to handle it on my own.

Don't worry about day to day homework assignments.

Kids need very little to get into post secondary now, and getting ahead is more about just showing up and trying hard, than it is mastering the material.

I'm 28 years old, a recovering drug addict, I am unemployable, and I have not completed a single formal training program.

That IEP or spec ed crap is a waste. Just let your kid meander through school. When he's old enough to drop out, he should focus on finding a job, learning a trade, or seeing if you have some family connections.

The school route is dead.

momsparky
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03 Mar 2016, 7:19 pm

jkrane wrote:

I never learned to do anything meaningful except homework assignments, and, despite graduating highschool with honors, I dropped out of three post secondary institutions, because I did not have the maturity of the life skills to handle it on my own.

It's interesting that you say that: there's a way in which I agree with you. I don't really think my son is learning much from homework (except the language, which really does require daily practice,) but what I do want him to learn are those life skills.

I made it through college by the skin of my teeth, but as an adult somewhere on the spectrum, I never managed to make a career work. I've been underemployed (meaning, working barely above minimum wage - or having to quit before I was fired at higher-wage jobs) most of my life.

The thing is, now that I'm much older, I am finally finding my way. People believe me now when I ask for support (something about having grey hair) and don't try to tell me I can do fine on my own. People are also making room for my intellectual and leadership capacities - both of which I had before, but wasn't able to use them appropriately.

So, that's why I am having a hissy fit over this issue: I want him to LEARN to follow through, starting with scaffolding, then prompting, then prompt-fade. You can't start that process at the "fade" stage. (And, btw - our school has this awesome program where they combine trades with subjects like math...so we're covered there, because BTDT)

There's no way to say this on a forum that comes out sounding the way I mean, but I'm really sorry life sucks for you right now. Although I fortunately dodged substance abuse; I know it sucks. 28 was no fun at all; I didn't start getting my "adult legs" until I was well into my 30s.

I hope you find your way and are able to use the assets that autism gives you, and not be held back by the deficits, or by other people's BS.

Waterfalls
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04 Mar 2016, 8:33 am

kraftiekortie wrote:

Hi Waterfalls....haven't seen your face in a while

Hi Kraftie, thank you for saying hello

I've been caught up in the struggle that asking for one's child to be supported is. I find it hard to push back against the well meaning people who say a child should be pushed to be independent, it's best---it often seems to be a philosophy, not a reasonable strategy (not referring to people here, rather to school staff who have the attitude they can achieve IEP goals related to gaining skills by yelling,lecturing, and ignoring the child).

I say this because when they try demanding performance without proper instruction or scaffolding and I point to a negative outcome and remind them what has been successful in the past, they agree this is happening but insist there way (with the negative outcome) is best and will happen. Then when I get emotional, they point fingers and blame me.....my child.....anyone else but insist they won't scaffold or instruct.

Momsparky, you sound strong enough to not give up.....I think you'll be successful but I find it really hard pushing back against well meaning experts who think they are right, and the effort of finding ways to communicate, as well as being accustomed to being pushed to the side as a spectrumite who does not always communicate easily, makes it harder. You will get this done though, I really believe this can happen

btbnnyr
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04 Mar 2016, 1:16 pm

I think that homework in high school was generally helpful to me to learn the material.
I don't know why it was not helpful to others.
Like english essays, I wouldn't have learned to write an essay with a single coherent idea and supporting evidence if I hadn't had to do english essays for homework regularly.
And math/science problems, I am sure that I learned much from doing problems about the concepts I learned in class, usually the homework was for applying the concepts.
History/social science homework was useful in terms of organizing lots of detailed events with dates and people into larger ideas of political movements, historical trends, etc.
Doing homework for the point of finishing homework is perhaps not useful, but one skill that should be taught is doing homework to learn things and develop learning/analyzing/synthesizing skills.
Organizing skills of which homework for what class and when to complete is part of learning life skills and improving EF from childhood to adulthood.
I see often posts on wp from people saying that they didn't do their homework in school and got bad grades and didn't have interest in school, and I don't know why they were like that.
I knew that not doing homework would lead to bad grades even if I knew that class material, which would lead to not getting into the college I wanted to pursue my interests out in the world.
And the truth is that I knew the class material better because I did my homework, I didn't just know everything so well that I could ace everything without doing homework.
Another thing that doing homework teaches is how to get yourself to do things you don't want to do.
Sometimes, I simply didn't want to do a certain assignment, but I knew I still had to do it, and I had to learn the skill of making myself do things I don't want to do, which is super important skill for adult life and future school/work, as many things come up that I don't want to do, but I have to do them to be able to do the things I want to do.

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momsparky
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04 Mar 2016, 3:55 pm

Waterfalls wrote:

Momsparky, you sound strong enough to not give up.....I think you'll be successful but I find it really hard pushing back against well meaning experts who think they are right, and the effort of finding ways to communicate, as well as being accustomed to being pushed to the side as a spectrumite who does not always communicate easily, makes it harder. You will get this done though, I really believe this can happen

Thank you, Waterfalls: I think, though, that you are underestimating yourself. Don't forget that the autistic quality of persistence, even quiet persistence, is something NTs really struggle against. You don't have to be strong, you just have to keep at it - they are hoping you will give up.

I've found that if I leverage my deficits towards a goal (for example, poor social skills and not respecting titles or hierarchies in this case) I can really get stuff done. I'd bet you can do the same, if not in the same way.

Waterfalls
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04 Mar 2016, 8:42 pm

I like the way you frame things Momsparky. I am persistent certainly

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