The sound I make when eating is horrific, apparently.

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In the last few months, my daughter (nearly 12) has decided that the noise I make when swallowing is disgusting, horrible, can't be tolerated. This applies whether I am eating in front of the telly (with the noise of the telly at least partially masking it) or even just having a cup of tea. However, it doesn't seem to apply if we are having a family dinner, I guess because she is distracted by other things. At breakfast, she can put her headphones on. I do find this upsetting and I have tried to explain to her that jumping up in a massive huff and running from the room with an expression of disgust when someone is just drinking a cup of tea is going to lose her friends (and she doesn't have a lot of friends to lose). I've tried to explain that this is her problem, not my problem. I've also tried pointing out that she didn't think it was disgusting for the first 11 years of her life... Any thoughts?

there is actually a genetic tendency to find eating noises bothersome. it's called misophonia. i have it. i never mention my annoyance to fellow eaters, though. you should ask her if it's everyone or just you. if it's just you, perhaps your eating habits could use a tweak. i have a friend who used to chew with her mouth open. i did bring that up, as it could have hurt her in her job of public servant.

It's me and her brother, ie, the two people she most often eats with. My son does occasionally talk/chew with his mouth open which I am trying to correct, but so does my daughter (though obviously that doesn't bother her and she denies it if I point it out). She doesn't mention it happening at school, but I guess the noise of the dining room is pretty loud, and she has all the hassle of trying to find someone to sit with, so maybe the noise thing seems less of a problem in comparison.

If one has this problem, the sound really is horrific.
I think it is most likely to occur with close people, because the brain circuits responding to them are overactive due to prolonged usage, and their eating noises become unbearable.
I recommend having your daughter not eat with you and her brother.
When I don't hear my mother's eating noises for awhile (I don't, since I live away from home), then I go home and eat with her, the noises are not so horrible.
Also it helps to have a TV show on during eating, something your daughter likes, so she can focus on that and eating instead of the noises.
So there are 2 potential solutions, you could try alternating them.
Once she grows up and moves out, it may become less of a problem, like it is not anymore for me.

Misophonia is not a recognized diagnosis in the US. There is no ICD billing number for that diagnosis, the physician can't even write misophonia in the chart. Misophonia is not in the DSM V either.

(The above for people in the US)

My husband has this. The usual diagnosis is hyperacusis, but that isn't really misophonia. I know people who get help with the diagnosis of either OCD/GAD/SAnD to get insurance to cover CBT (which helps someone) or talking to a therapist about coping skills.

If you are lucky, you can find an audiologist who is familiar with misophonia. They can use a combination of tricks with noise cancelling stuff and CBT. Next choice is a psychiatrist/psychologist for medication or therapy. Don't waste your time with a neurologist or an ENT unless that have background with misophonia. It's pouring money down the drain.

How much is sound sensitivity due to the ASD or true misophonia, I don't know. The one thing is she will need some coping skills. She has a right to her opinion (you eating like a pig...or whatever), and you have the right to eat you food without comments from her. Because the real world will not care about this, and misophonia is so isolating. People with this disorder shrink their world down to nothing to avoid the obnoxious triggers.

I know people online who have twisted the whole family's life around to accommodate the person with misophonia. I agree with house should be a safe restful place, but the problem is the person never learns how to cope. This will bleed into her work and social life.

For my husband, he can eat alone and we say nothing. BUT he has no right to make comments about the *noise* which is regular silverware being used or us chewing a carrot with our mouths closed. He also is on an antidepressant, and when his general anxiety got under control, the misophonia issues tapered off.

The more concessions I made to lower the noise level, the more triggers he developed.

He has ASD and has sensitivity to sounds and smells. Smells are almost a bigger rage trigger and harder to dodge.

Good luck. I used to dread eating with him, now it's much better.

But... are you a noisy eater? Honestly?

You could film yourself eating and when you have a cup of tea, and behave naturally/normal while doing so. Then play it back and see how bad it really is.

She may have recently learned about "misophonia" and self diagnosed, it could a phase, or she could telling the truth...

My daughter started noticing my eating sounds at about that age too. She would find it unbearable and run from the table screaming about what a total pig I am. We used to put on the tv or listen to records to help drown out the food noises. She is 15 now and usually doesn't eat with my fiance and I because he is supposed to be the piggiest eater too. I'd like to say that she outgrew it, but she hasn't.

I make sure to have breakfast before waking her up in the morning because that is the time my noises bother her the most. And if she comes in the room, I will warn her that I am about to eat, so she can leave if she wants. I try not to eat or drink around her at home. She gets like this if I blow my nose too, especially in public. I try to warn her when I have to blow it. No amount of explaining about it has helped, so I have learned to live with it, especially since she got her AS diagnosis at age 14, then I finally understood what was going on.

If I was her brother, I would eat louder just to annoy her.

Nyam nyam nyam!