How can I prove to my family I can look after the baby

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Help wanted from other parents of autistic children, I am going to be an aunty come december. Originally I was beyond excited and doing so many things for the little one but things have changed in my mind a lot since then. Not about my excitement, I am still super excited and cannot wait but I've got a sadness hanging over me now. I know it is my sister's baby and not my whole responsibility but I already get the feeling I will be treated more of a cousin than an aunty to the little one. I want to prove that I am responsible enough to be able to look after the baby for short amounts of time, to be able to be a real aunty and look after it more and more as it grows up. I don't want to be the weird relative that the child thinks of as different from other adults, not until it is old enough to understand why I am a bit different.
I have only in the past while been allowed to stay at home during the day by myself. I am not allowed to cook or shower during this time. I am allowed to walk the dog on my own and take the bus on journeys my mum knows I am going on. Otherwise I am not exactly treated the same as any other adult of twenty. I know I am different, I know my medical needs make things difficult also but I want to be a proper aunty. I want to show my niece or nephew that I love them and always will even though I am different. I don't just want to be someone to play with, I want to be someone to look up to and to trust. I don't know how I can start to prove to my family that I can be that person before my niece or nephew arrives. thanks for your help

I don't know what culture or country you are from. Also, I am kind of unusual with unusual perspective myself, so bear that in mind with what I say. This is probably going to be one of my more autistic posts, comparatively speaking. I am not an "It takes a village to raise a child," kind of person, which is going to shape what I say. In my mind it would not just not that you are not wholly responsible for your sister's child but rather that your sister and the father of the child are wholly responsible for the child.

My husband and I's siblings and parents never took an active role in any of the things that you are talking about wanting responsibility for, so I don't think there is anything wrong with an aunt not being responsible for any of that. I think some of the relatives might have at some point been unhappy with that. Some are relieved, frankly, and that does not make me sad because our son is our child and not theirs. On the flip side, I also don't babysit my nieces or nephew, or any of that either. I really don't understand wanting to have responsibility for other people's kids even if they are related to you.

I am inferring that you want some type of regular responsibilities, and I am not really sure I understand why because of my own, probably weird perspective. Do you think it is insulting if you are not given responsibilities in this area? Do you think you need to have responsibilities in order to bond? Not having responsibilities does not equate you with the child and make you like a cousin, unless is a cultural construct I am not understanding where you live, where all adults are automatically given "rights and responsibilities" to new related offspring.

If your sister wants and needs help, then I would guess that if you volunteer, that she will give you things she is comfortable that you can do. Sometimes people have what is known as "mother's helpers" who are there while the mother is there, helping with various tasks. This may be a good way to prove your competence, so she will trust you with more advanced tasks, again, if she needs and wants the help.

Just wait until your sister and her husband have not had any good sleep for about six weeks after the baby is born. Then offer to watch the kid so they can nap for an hour or three. They will be so tired by then, it should be welcomed relief. If it goes well, offer to do it again.

You could offer to look after the baby with them supervising (but be careful that they actually let you look after the kid rather than just taking over). Once they've seen you do a good job with them there, they're more likely to trust you alone with the baby.
Also keep in mind that the dividing line between being treated like a cousin versus an aunt isn't just looking after the baby. If you were a quadriplegic NT person, you would never be expected to look after a baby alone (even if you were the parent, you'd get a caregiver or the other parent to help). But you wouldn't be seen as a cousin. Conversely, some cousins actually babysit - a teenager could babysit a much younger cousin.

Try not to be offended if you are not allowed to look after the baby by yourself.
My children are 4 and 1.5 years old and I don't even let my own parents babysit them unless I have absolutely no choice.
Some people have very heightened anxiety about leaving their children with other people. They fear the worst that can happen, which unfortunately for babies, is easy death. They are so very fragile.

Everybody is paranoid with their first baby. Don't take offense if they don't let you babysit. Some mother's wouldn't let Mary Poppins herself babysit without her having a PhD in early childhood education, a nursing license, and 87 references from other parents. Probably the best thing you can do to prove you can is to ask them to let you watch the baby while the mom or someone else is right there. You doing the actual care while under supervision of someone else is the absolute best way to literally show them you can. However, if they put those restrictions on you about being home alone they may take a while to understand and accept that you're capable. I have four kids myself and I get it about not cooking while home alone but why can't you shower?

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
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The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

I am one of those mums who wouldn't let Mary Poppins look after her baby lol. My mother in law is the only person who has. My sister in law has never let us look after her kids either and I'm ok with that though I would love to. When I was growing up I only had one aunt and uncle who looked after us, the rest we saw but they had their own kids. Basically what I'm saying is you can be very involved in their life without looking after them, which means you get the fun without the responsibility.

The bond that you are going to have with that baby as an Aunt is very important! It has nothing to do with whether you are left alone with the child or not. I'm an Uncle and I'm surprised over and over by how much my nephews know and love me. Its not like the relationship I have with my friends' little kids and certainly nothing like my younger cousins, who were babies when I was about your age.

That relationship has nothing to do with my watching them alone. Its very rare that I babysit. My Uncle-ness is all about my giving them attention when we are together. I play with them and listen to the older one now that he is talking.

Your relationship with that baby is going to be unique. Its going to be just between the baby and you. You probably won't be asked to babysit until he or she is much older. But that's OK. Its not going to get in the way. Just slather that kid in love when you see it. Kids need all the love and attention they can get and YOUR love and attention is going to be important to it.