Do all parents of ASD kids wonder if they have it too?

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...or do just those who ARE on the spectrum spend a lot of time mulling this over?

I suspect most parents do wonder about it to some extent or another.

after we found out about me and my as. every one started to question them selves.

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I'm pushing myself to be better. But what does that mean?

i've never know anyone like me ,so friendly PM's are always welcome .

after we found out about my as. every one started to question them selves

_________________
I'm pushing myself to be better. But what does that mean?

i've never know anyone like me ,so friendly PM's are always welcome .

My mom doesn't think she is in the spectrum(she mentioned she was a shy kid but I told her it isn't enough reason) but she supposes dad is in the spectrum.
Dad fits a lot of the traits (not all though - he doesn't have executive functioning problems, in fact he is great at planning, he just fails to communicate his plans) but he is in denial and he thinks both me and him are normal and doctors are wrong for giving me disability level.

No. Most people cannot see past their own face, and are as psychological as a rock.

My mother, quite recently, wondered if she had a "touch of Asperger's."

Of course not. Some don't give a s**t, and some make it very clear only their child is mentally defective, because they proved their sanity by becoming independent and successful adults capable of raising children in the first place, and any child who disagrees is being a bad, disrespectful and unappreciative child and had better scram outta their parents' home and never come back or ask anything from them again.

I don't believe it's as clear cut. It must have crossed the minds of my in laws when my nephew was diagnosed as I recall them joking that it can't have come from them as he's as opposite as can be. (Which is true.)

In the same vein, my paternal family show clear signs of ASD and yet they're all dubious about my diagnosis and convinced they're perfectly normal.

There are some people with children with ASD may wonder if they have ASD and actually do but similarly there's plenty who wonder about it and don't or have average joe characteristics that might bother them.

As with most disabilities, families will usually look around to see if there's any sign of it in the family or whether they 'caused it'.

So - wondering if you have ASD because your child has ASD isn't a marker for whether you have ASD. But, there's also an increased likelihood of you having ASD so you may well do.

I love all these replies to my question. Thank you. I wonder if this is one of the stages en route to acceptance of the diagnosis. I'm past denial, and relief, now I'm feeling a bit sad that I unknowingly "gave" this to my kids. My therapist is cautioning me against jumping to the conclusion I have it, but my own mother, in retrospect of course, is sure.

I know for me after my son was dx'ed I wondered. Wondered to the point of getting evaluated and I am now awaiting the results.

I don't see how any parent with half a brain couldn't wonder; especially if they identify with some of the AS characteristics that their child presents with.

I don't think blame is relevant, though it is probably a natural impulse. No decent parent wants his/her kids to have the same or worse challenges than what s/he had.

There are parents that stay in denial and you have some that are more introspective and questioning.

I am sure I have it. My husband has elements of it, but less than I do.

The grandparents --that is a whole other matter. If they were told they would be in denial. Well, we told my mother, and that was enough of a disaster. Even if a parent (or grandparent) is not the genetic source, the fact that s/he procreated with a likely genetic source can also create cycles of guilt, denial etc.

TL:DR There are a range of possible reactions.

I don't blame folks who are in denial. It is an overwhelming endeavor to re-frame your whole life. Everything you learned growing up, everything you thought you knew to be true as an adult, is threatened. I am just beginning to wrap my head around this. What I learned to do (all on my own, and with great difficulty) was to compensate for these same challenges my children are being given a lot of special support for. This is a good thing, but it creates some major cognitive disonance for mom. My friends, my family, all insist there is nothing wrong with me or my daughter (a mini-me!): we are great, if only more people were like us, they say! But, most are not, and most don't actually have the same outlook.

I think this speaks to the whole not-pathologizing-autism movement. I haven't yet read Neurotribes, or Quiet, but just requested them from the library. These books seem like obvious requirements to help me along this journey. I would love to connect with other parents out there traveling this path, no matter where you are along it. Any other suggestions welcome (books, websites, groups...), I'm all ears, and feeling a bit ret*d, in the traditional actual definition of the term.

You've said it yourself: if you want your children to reach their full potential, beware of any "support" which just marks them as unfit for becoming functional and independent adults, giving up on them as people in the full sense. You were expected to function as a non-disabled person and to live up to the same standards as everybody else, and succeeded. Why not give them the same chance?