It is difficult to be helpful without knowing what your daughter's most pressing needs are, but I will say that the therapies the most helpful to my son were physical therapy (he has "loose joints" and disgraphia) and speech (he speaks extremely well, always has, but what was pointed out to me is that there is a difference between speaking and communicating. He needed pragmatic help, following the conventions of speech, and learning how to use speech effectively in conjunction with goals.)
We never did ABA. I understand it can be useful for a non-communicative child, but most high functioning children do not need it. Its a form of behavioral therapy and inherently stressful on the child. Plus, this community has often felt that ABA therapists - who vary widely in quality - often create goals that really are unnecessary at best and counterproductive at worst.
The best protocols for most of our kids involve recognizing and reducing stress factors so they can navigate the world more comfortably, then eventually teaching them how to recognize and mitigate their own stress. There is a clear line between meltdowns, stims, etc and the stress factors. Reduce stress factors, and you'll eliminate most concerning behaviors. The ASD brain processes stimulation differently, and that reality will not change, period. Your child will need help so that their weak skills don't hold back their gifts, and will have to learn social norms that don't come naturally, but they will also need to make choices that allow them to customize the world they live in so that it fits their needs. Conforming life to what they need is a huge part of helping an ASD child find their future.
As a very young child, my son was an extreme sensory seeker. He loved noise and crowds. But I'll never forget the preschool teacher who reminded me that just because a child is drawn to something, does not mean it is healthy for them. Over time, our family learned that the accumulated stress from noise and crowds would break down my son, get his brain misfiring, and increase meltdowns. As an adult, he avoids noise and crowds. He can deal if he has to, and even enjoy it, but he's been around the block enough to know that he internal processing systems do much better without all that input. He's building himself a really nice life. Graduated college, got a good job, girlfriend, etc. He'll be fine. But there getting through the school years was difficult. He would be so far ahead in so many things, but completely lacking in skills in other areas. Outside services were mostly designed to support and help him where the delays and gaps might otherwise have held back his academic advance. They weren't designed to change him. At home we probably worked first and foremost on the stress factors, trying to get meltdowns out of his life, since I saw those as the single largest roadblock to keeping a job, living independently, etc. We taught him to see the line from events to later meltdowns, and to self-mitigate. It's probably been a decade since he's had a meltdown. It worked.
Anyway, I've rambled quite a bit past what you've asked, but I think it's important to start thinking in terms of reducing stress and figuring out what a world that conforms to your child, instead of the other way around, would look like. Hopefully you have a good school that is understanding of ASD students, and able to do well by them. It's a long journey raising an ASD child, but the results can be amazing. I am so so proud of the man my son has become.
_________________
Mom to an amazing young adult AS son, plus an also amazing non-AS daughter. Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).
15 Jun 2022, 2:02 pm
