Comforter and emotion regulation

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Hi all
This is my first post, although I’ve read many many others over the last couple of years. My daughter is 4.5yrs and autistic. She has had a comforter (little soft fleecy blanket with a bunny attached to one corner) since she as a baby when she started using it to sleep. Around 3, we weaned her off it during the day and only let her have it to sleep. Since going into Reception (in a mainstream school), she has been increasingly overwhelmed and distressed by small things and has become more and more reliant on the comforter again. We have battled with her over the last few weeks to try and take it away again but each time we’ve tried she has full on emotional meltdowns and is genuinely very distressed. It wasn’t like this when we weaned her off it the first time so I don’t feel right taking it away this time. HOWEVER, it really impacts her behaviour in a way we’re not happy about. She essentially becomes very withdrawn and sits focussing on the feeling/smell of the comforter, it impedes her play and essentially stops any interaction with other people. For this reason, we’re not happy with her having it all the time. Also, she’s not allowed it in school.
Can anyone give any words of wisdom based on their own experience regarding how to approach this and if we don’t approach it at all, whether it might resolve itself at some point in future?
I don’t want to take away her only source of comfort and reassurance but also worry that she should be learning other ways to regulate her emotions, including talking to us as her parents. On that note, can anyone recommend ways to encourage different ways to regulate emotions?

It sounds as though your child has developed an object attachment. Your daughter may be using her fleecy blanket as a coping mechanism to help with self regulation because she gets comfort from this in overcoming the anxiety she feels in having to be away from the familiar environment of her home. Having a familiar item helps to prevent a meltdown that would otherwise be triggered through a given situation. Allowing her to have her blanket could help her to participate in class activities and/or changes in routines.

While I understand that you have concerns about how she may be overly obsessed with the blanket and how this impedes her play as well as her interaction with others, it's important to remember that she autistic. She will not socially develop at the rate of her peers because she doesn't process sensory information the same way that other non-autistic people do. If she is 4.5 years old and can tolerate the presence of other children instead of screaming as I did, that's actually pretty good.

If you want her to engage with others, it might be helpful if you were able to determine what her special interests are. Most people on the spectrum have one or more special interests. It's much easier to promote social engagement if she's actually doing something that she truly enjoys instead of having to play because this is a social expectation.

For what it's worth, my suggestion is to leave her be.

Is her school aware that she's on the spectrum? If not, it might be necessary to request a reasonable accommodation as an exception to school policy.

In the meanwhile, you might see if she would be responsive to self-stimming toys. The internet abounds with sensory toys for autistic children. It might be possible to wean her off the blanket if she had a replacement coping tool to use whenever she feels anxious.

sister cut daughter's lovey in half, then cut a couple small patches off and sewed seams around them to make them more durable. The big half stayed in bed, the others could go in a pocket or a back pack if she needed reassurance in an unobtrusive way during stressful experiences. It worked. daughter still sleeps with it and has 3 kids of her own... comfort is comfort. thats OK. Whatever we need to get through life. <3

I have a master's degree in sociology with a concentration in autism. I have not been working due to a physical disability and difficulties raising my child with ADHD. So my knowledge is not current.

That being said, when I was doing research, there were a lot of papers about how some young children with autism develop social skills by developing an attachment with an object. This should be considered normal for an autistic child.

If I were you, I would go to scholar.google.com and put in "children with autism attachment to objects" or some such and download a couple articles about how attachments to objects help the emotions of autistic children.

Then take these with you and ask for an IEP to be written to make sure your daughter gets to interact with her blanket during specific times during the day at school. As she gets older, you can use your judgement to wean her down to having her blanket at home only. If you are in the United States, your daughter has the right to a reasonable accommodations to supports that will enable her to learn at the same rate as other children. This is provided in the Americans with Disabilities Act, and autism is considered a disability.

I would not treat this lightly. She could be emotionally scarred if her blanket is not treated as an important and necessary part of her life.