How do we handle this???

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Hello everyone,

We are not having too bad of a school year this year, ds has a wonderful teacher who is great with knowing how to get boys interested in school. The teacher even purchased a book on how to help aspies in the school and classroom setting:) One of the problems our ds is having is the other kids are relentless on the teasing. Ds told me this evening that a couple of boys were telling him that he is stupid because he has asperger's, even though it is the exact opposite.
I asked ds if he told his teacher about it and he said no because the teacher will keep them all over during recess to talk about it and he does not want to miss recess. He said that he knows they do not know what they are talking about so he does not pay attention to them but there are days where he can not do that. DS has become depressed at times because of the teasing.

One of the kids that joined in on telling my son that he was stupid was a "friend". I questioned him on this and ds said that the boy usually is but the other kids keep telling him that my son is stupid and try to get him to join in.

Any advice on how to handle this and what to say that is supportive enough to help son get through all the teasing would be appriciated!:) Thank you!

Explain the problem to the teacher and ask if you can have someone come speak to the class on AS for 1/2 hour one day

tell your kid to stand up for himself in any means possible, you must have his back. If he punches a kid in the face because he was being made fun of, well have his back!

I attempted suicide in third grade because i was being harassed. If I could have just punched him in the face and make it stop my entire LIFE would be so much better. I didnt stand up for myself because I thought I was going to get in trouble for doing it.

Do whatever you can to stop it. March in that classroom and get up in that mean kid's face. Call the mean kid's parents. Arrange a school meeting with yourself, the principal, the teacher, and the mean kid's parents. It doesnt matter, even ship the mean kid out to outer space if you have to! But the teasing HAS to stop, it can ruin the rest of his life if it doesn't (not to sound dramatic, but look what happened to me!)

Unofrtunately, I am convinced through my own experience that any attempt at adult intervention in this situation is likely to cause more problems than it solves. If the other children have already decided to single your son out for harassment, identifying him as a "tattle-tale" will only make things worse as they are given justification for their bullying. There really is no solution, look at the innumerable bullying threads that have come and gone across this site without a good solution being found. Kids can be cruel, school will often suck, and there is little to be done about it. Continue to provide your son with a supportive environment at home, get him involved in stuff outside of school where he can get away from those bullies, but I have yet to hear of a successful attempt to modify a bully's behavior. Other students in my school made an organized, concerted effort to make my life miserable for years on end. It sucked, but after enduring those painful years I am now a stronger person for it, and no teasing or bullying can ever affect me again- I eventually grew some pretty thick skin. I'm sorry not to tell you anything more optimistic, but if your son can deal with the bullying for now (and I know how senseless advice to "just ignore them" is to the victim of bullying) it will eventually get better.

We tried last year having the teacher talk to the kids (her grandson has autism) and I printed out a great paper I found on the internet that explained asperger's to help the other kids understand asperger's and how it affect those who have it. It did no good~ for some kids they have taken that and used it againest him.

Soccerfreak~ We do let him stand up for himself~ problem is he does not realize that someone is being mean until they cross the line. We have told the school that since they are not willing to protect him then he will have to do what he has to do to protect himself, if they can hit him and beat him then he can hit back so that he is not just "taking it". There was a BAD incident last year when they had a substitute teacher and our son got into trouble for defending himself~ mind you there were 4 or 5 boys againest our son.
The ONLY reason he is still in school is because he ended up with the teacher that he really really wanted and the teacher is wonderful.

I think my husband and I are going to have to sit down and weigh out the options because we do not want him to stay in this type of environment. He wants to be there this year because he adores his teacher but other than that....

Thank you!

When is this happening? At recess, during class, in the bathroom? There should be nondescript ways of diffusing a situation without having your son look like the tattletale.
I've coached my son to mirror back the very words used against him. Unfortunately, peer modelling is leading him to the same behavior. He's getting called, "gaywad" and so is calling someone else a "gaywad".

I don't have any solutions other than catching the boys doing it when it's being done. I have confronted children for being mean to my son. Snotty little hippy kids that were lying to their parents about playing with my son.

Right now my son is complaining about bullying but I can't decipher the truth from exaggeration from fantasy. He is so delayed in speech that he doesn't always understands what he hears.

can you tell me the link to the site for that info that you printed out explaining to the other kids about aspergers. thanks

I suggest you clink on the link in my signature below. It has information from a Tony Attwood seminar regarding bullying.

Re: explaining Asperger's to other kids. Have a discussion about everyone has strengths and difficulties.

Then go through the particular strengths and difficulties of your child, and explain there are many people like this, and it is called Asperger's.

Helen

Most kids are monsters. It's what they are. The only thing you can do is tell your kid, and demonstrate to your kid, that he's not stupid, and not a freak! If one of the kids teasing him is someone you think is his friend, I got news for you. That's no friend.

In the fourth grade, my kid was on the receiving end of that teasing (and all the way through school), but one of the kids (a girl, and my kid is a boy), had the guts to get up and tell the other kids that they were freaks. She, by the way, is not AS.

We've known her for a long time now (they're both 18), and still friends....and just friends....but that's what friends do, and she's turned into a wonderful woman.

Of course, my kid was bigger than a lot of the other kids his age (and he's 6' 3" now) so nobody messed with him much, but it still took it's toll. However, it's made him a more understanding adult.

Luck.

Beentheredonethat

Just wanted to update while I had a moment!

I called my son's special ed teacher Friday to check up on things because she is new this year and I have only spoken with her once. I asked her how things were going and she said that she and my son's teacher are aware of the teasing that has been happening.
The special ed teacher said that she has a new program that she is working with my son on that helps empower the child~ helps them stand up for themselves to the bullies. She even said that if he is unable to help himself when it comes to bullies then it will just make him more angry and depressed so we are hoping that he learns from this program and that it helps.

My husband and I also told ds that the next time the boys are telling him that he is stupid or other mean things to tell them that it "Takes one to know one" and he used it and I asked how it went and he said the boys got quiet and walked away and left him alone after that. We also told him to not get upset or angry, but to laugh and say it so it takes the power away from the other kids.

I know it seems juvenile but it worked;)