Hiding food! Argh!

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My 13 YO SS (ADD, Asperger's) hides food. If we take our eyes off of him for a moment when he's supposed to be eating, he'll stash food in his pockets or in plastic baggies and hide it under chairs, under his bed, anywhere he can stash it..

It's horrible. He eats incredibly slowly and it's infuriating to have to sit at the table with a 13-year-old for an hour, staring at him so we don't wind up with rotting food all over our house drawing vermin. And we can't just let him not eat if he wants to, or let him eat whatever he wants.. the choices he would make wouldn't even get close to what he needs nutritionally, and he's woefully underweight and scrawny as it is.

It's not like we're asking him to eat creamed spinach and liver. Latest things we found hidden under a living room chair were apple slices, and a (very decayed) PB&J sandwich.. he just never wants to eat ( I should say he never wants to eat REAL food- he'll eat candy and suck soda all day long, if he can) thanks to meds he has to take that cut his appetite. We've talked and talked to him about why it's so important that he eat adequately, that his body needs it.. and at 13 (he is high-average intelligence) he knows what we mean.

His therapist cannot figure out why he does this. We and she ask him and he says.. "I don't know".

He's always grounded or losing privliges for this stuff, and it seems to make no difference in the behavior. We feel stymied. The discipline doesn't work, but we have to discipline this somehow.. we feel that if we didn't, we wouldn't be doing our jobs as parents.

I dont know, his behavior seems rational to me. When you are forced to eat beyond the point where you are full it causes stomach pain, indigestion, and cramps for the next few hours. Since your child doesn't want to be in pain all night, and you wont leave him alone until the food is gone, he has no choice but to hide it.

Perhaps if you stopped pressuring him to eat food until it caused him pain then he wouldn't have a need to hide it. There are worse things in life then being skinny and scrawny.

Plus, if he isn't getting enough nutrition via typical sources, perhaps you should try other sources. Milk shakes are a great source of all the nutrition that he needs, and contain a fair amount of calories. Giving him one of those to sip on would be a lot better then trying to force more food into him until the point where he feels sick.

Tracker, I really do appreciate the insights you offer us. Honestly, I do.

But please don't assume things like you just did. Nobody is doing the following to him:

"When you are forced to eat beyond the point where you are full it causes stomach pain, indigestion, and cramps for the next few hours. Since your child doesn't want to be in pain all night, and you wont leave him alone until the food is gone, he has no choice but to hide it. "

Would you like to know what was put in front of him the night he hid those apple slices? Two small pieces of frozen pizza and 1 small apple, cut into slices. This is NOT too much for this 13-year-old child to eat. How do I know this? After I had to leave that evening to go to a meeting, he hid the apple slices, and then went to ask his father (who was painting the house outside) if he could have dessert (a big candy bar). Which he DID eat all of, by the way.

Additionally, to address the 'just let him drink a shake' suggestion- he already does get a chocolate shake w/ Boost supplement added with breakfast, daily, in addition to vitamin supplements. This (per his doctor) is still not cutting it in terms of supplying him with what he needs for his body to grow.

I agree with Tracker that this behaviour does seem rational, and I can also understand how difficult it is to have a child who is very thin and won't eat.

Would he drink high energy milkshakes? My son has Complan for his breakfast and sometimes in the evening as well, with toast or a banana.

Edited to add:

Sorry, I've just read your latest post. I don't know what to suggest.

thats curious behavior. i'd like to ask a few questions tho.

the food that he stashes, is it strictly food off his plate that he is suppose to be eating?
does he take other food out of the cupboard or fridge and stash it?
does he go back later and eat the stashed food or does it just sit where it is and rot?

-It's always mealtime food, from his plate (or from his school lunches- he'll sneak that home and hide it as well). He doesn't take extra things from the fridge or cupboard and hide them.

-He does not eat it later. It just sits and rots.

Bringing food back from school so he can hide it at home is really strange. Seems that it's definately more than just food refusal if he's actually bringing it home to hide it because surely it would be easier simply to bin it, or get rid of it at school.

Has he always had problems with eating? I'm just wondering if this is some kind of avoidance strategy that has developed after years of having to be persuaded to eat. I know that my son, 8 years old, can get very annoyed with being asked about his behaviours, such as the head-banging, or the eating problems, to the point that he now ignores people or gives a very brief, standard response to stop people going on about it. Maybe the food hiding had developed in reaction to that kind of pressure and is his way of dealing with it.

I realize it would require a sacrifice on the part of the rest of the family, but my best recommendation would be to eliminate any and all junk food from the house - candy, soda, ice cream, cookies, everything - so that there is nothing to eat except whats nutritional. As long as there's fresh fruit, there'll be something sweet for others to have when they crave a snack. And believe me, it will take a long time for this change to make a real and lasting change in his behavior and preferences. You'll have to keep it up until he can't remember what sugary treats taste like. But as long as he knows there's another option available, he's going to hold out for his addiction.

I see a lot of kids do the same thing with bread. They'll eat dinner rolls, toast, bread sticks - but won't touch a vegetable to save their lives. Same solution - stop buying bread. If its not there, they have to make other choices. Everybody gets hungry sooner or later.

Marcia: always a picky eater. When he lived with his mother (til he was 9) he lived on Ramen noodles, cheap hot dogs, and sugared cereals. We're unsure of whether there was always food available in her house. He is very closed-mouthed and protective about his mother and the things that went on when he lived with her. Given the fact that she had almost no income at various times (other than the child support she was collecting from DH) and let her food stamps discontinue at various times also, it's very possible. He came to live with us (after we had to take her to court for it to happen) as she was unable to care for him due to unemployment, drug, lack of housing and mental illness issues. He's really not 'picky' anymore. He will try just about anything and has come to like many things that he used to turn his nose up at.

His therapist has mentioned the deprivation he experienced with his mother as a possible source of these kind of issues with him- but how to address and heal it? Nothing seems to change the patterns. He's been living with us for 4 years now...

Willard: not a bad idea at all, if not for one problem. Grandparents. DH's parents are wonderful people and have SS with them a good deal of the time, on weekends and such. They spoil him, per typical grandparent style. When we ask them to enforce our rules and disciplinary techniques, they do not. This is an ongoing issue. We wouldn't dream of disallowing time with them, as they have been the 1 consistent factor for the duration of SS's life. However.. their refusal to back us on thsi kind of such is developing as more and more of a problem all the time.

Oh, that's a shame. He's had a tough time.

I think the therapist may well be right about this being connected to his earlier years. Maybe he used to have to hide food when he was very young, because he didn't know when he would be fed again, and for some reason this habit is resurfacing now - subconsciously. Perhaps because he's entering puberty.

If that is it, then maybe it's something he has to be able to acknowledge and recognise before he can let go of it.

ok, thats important information =)

disclaimer: i am not a doc. just a mom of three boys, two of which are extremely picky eaters, and one who would rather play than eat.

could be a few different things going on. this feels really disjointed, but i'll throw some ideas out, ignore them if they dont apply, delve deeper if you think they do.

if he is stashing food off his plate, not eating it later, the obvious reason is that he wants to elimate food on his plate, get rid of it. the why is what you need to figure out.
- he could be "saving room" for dessert. my incredibly NT son does this. he is afraid if he eats all his dinner, he wont be able to eat dessert.
- if its a time issue, he may be reducing the amount of food so that he doesnt have to stay at the table as long.
- it could be a control issue.

do you think its possible that he senses displeasure with how slow he eats, so tries to get rid of the food so you dont have to sit there staring at him for so long? this may be invalid if the stashing came before the sitting with him for the entire meal.

suggestions...
-have you tried to feed him smaller meals? some kids need to eat smaller meals more often. usually we see that with toddlers who have smaller stomachs and go through energy fast, but i could see it being helpful for an older child who just eats super slow.
-how about eliminating the treats from the house? if he has no candy bars or sodas to save room for or fill up on, he may be more willing to eat the offered healthy choices.
-or maybe offer him dessert WITH his meal? even if its a more healthy alternative, like sweet potato pie or something with decent nutritional value and not just empty calories. if he has that dessert available, even if he eats it first, it would take away the "saving room" issue.

i AM pretty sure about one thing, and thats why he is stashing the food. because he doesnt want you to find it and find out he didnt eat it. this pressure to eat may be causing him a lot of stress. if you take away the pressure to eat everything on his plate, he wont need to stash it. that would eliminate the issue of rotting food around the house.

it wont eliminate the problem with him not eating all the food hes given, but thats another issue entirely from the stashing.

Thank you for the thoughtful reply, azurecrayon.

-Yes, the hiding of the food is what led to our sitting with him while he eats. Previously, everyone else would just finish and he'd sit there til he was done with his food.

-I'm sure he senses the displeasure. It's a major bone of contention around here.

-Smaller meals: he serves himself. So, whatever food is on his plate is however much he has given himself.

-Treats: please see my reply above in re: Willard's suggestion along those same lines :/

-Dessert with the meal: he's not interested in healthier dessert alternatives, apparently. We've tried chocolate-covered granola bars and such.. but the only dessert he ever seems to want is candy. If he has a choice between ice cream, freezer pops and candy.. he'll go for the candy every time.

-Pressure to eat: *sigh* we have tried this also. Even when he knows he doesn't have to finish what he's eating.. like we verbally stated "It's ok if you don't eat it all, leftovers are fine".. it still happens.

Oi.

how long has the stashing been going on? and does he stash things at his grandparents house, or only at yours? oh, and who empties out his lunchbox when he comes home? and do his teachers know about his nutrition issues and try to make him eat all his lunch or report to you how much he ate?

so many questions, sorry =)

if he really is stashing due to fears of possibly not having food available in the future, maybe you can help ease those fears by putting together some "emergency preparedness kits". basically, pick a few places around the house, and store emergency kits there. put in them emergency supplies, small first aid kit, and most importantly, food. you can use backpacker meals or MREs ("Meal, Ready to Eat" like the military uses), granola bars, protein bars, bottled water, etc. not sweets that he is going to want to get into later, but something to give him the assurance that if the food runs out, he has options available and doesnt need to stash food like a squirrel.

maybe he gets tummy aches, i often used avoid food cause i dont like the feeling in my tummy of fullness or stomach aches, im now on a gluten free, a1 casein free, sugar reduced, peanut, chocolate and saturated fat free diet, i now eat so much more, i can still have a2 milk which is good, and i take enzymes, spirulina and probiotics as well as vitamins, they all really help me to feel hungry

This is just me but I would try an experiment: put the food on his plate and tell him he can eat as much or little of it he would like and then walk away. Do this for a week or so-dropping all pressure surrounding eating 100%. Just try it. If he stops hoarding/hiding then you know it's about the pressure. If he keeps doing it then you know it's about the past issues.

Hi, My son(11) was doing this when we started his meds he still does it from time to time. He is no where near the eater he was before. He tells me he is starving I think great, but he will then only eat maybe 3 fork fulls of food, or just the meat. Then he tells me (after the plates are cleared) that he is hungry, and wants ice cream or a chocolate bar.I tell him he can have the bar IF he eats an apple first. He will even go all day some days with only an apple in his tummy, because he refused breakfast, he brought all his lunch home then wouldn't eat dinner. Frustrating for sure, the more emphasis I placed on his eating the less he would eat. So I stopped checking where he would know I've checked. I also now have him eat in front of the tv or at the pc, its not great but he eats more, because his mind is occupied with other things and not just the food in front of him. I also discovered that he gets sick of the taste of the food in his lunch box. He will latch on to something and thats all he will eat,at the moment he likes tuna, but give it another week and he will be completely off tuna for at least the next 6 months. I can understand how you feel, it's a worry and it's very frustrating. I just had another thought, could you get him to clean up his stashed food? It may gross him out and he may stop doing it, it's a long shot.

Good luck, don't know if I was any help.