computer usage

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Hi, I tried searching for past issues about computer usage among aspie children but could not find it.

How do you deal with your children if they are obsessed in using computer a lot and playing games? Especially when they dont have anyone to play with and they have a lot of virtual friends online.

Is that something we as parents should be concerned and try to help our children learn to balance their lives with other things besides computer? Or computer is a good thing for them?

In our case, too much time in front of a screen (computer, television, gaming) will affect his behavior and he will be prone to meltdowns, rudeness and sometimes even get violent (throwing, hitting).

We explained it to him and came up with "brain breaks." He was skeptical at first, but after a few weeks of breaks, he hasn't lost his electronic privileges hardly at all. I also try to mention how much kinder he is, how much I appreciate his helping with things and just really as much positive feedback as I can when we're having good days.

When traveling, we do take a bag full of Legos so he can occupy himself while visiting with the Grandmas. He would want his gaming and then go shut himself off. The Legos really helped, he will lay on the floor and build stuff while also listening, sometimes even talking to Grandma and answering questions.

When he is in front of the computer or the gaming, we give him a certain amount of time (started at 30 minutes, but it's working well, so we've extended it to almost an hour) and then let him know when he has 10 minutes, five minutes - and then it's more acceptable for him to save and walk away for his brain break. He also knows he can then go back to it if he wants. Sometimes he will go back, sometimes he'll choose a different activity.

Computers and gaming can be good for them - particularly with the online friends your child has - but in our case, it was affecting his behavior.

Our son is almost 10 and we had so much trouble with electronics that we had to take the television and gaming out of his room. This system is working so well that he may never get them back either. Now, if another child comes over, the boys will go upstairs and actually play. Before, he'd fire up the gaming and the other child would play with his toys. They can still come down and do the gaming on the main television, but he's starting to play _with_ the other child more than ever before.

our son became obsessed with the computer for quite awhile. he would *have* to spend a certain amount of time on the computer playing his game (online) or "it would be bad"....we had to finally come up with clear and concise limits on computer usage.( you can have a total of 2 hours a day which you can use after you have finished your homework).
he would get so intensely involved in the game he was playing that it was as if it was real life~ he'd start slamming the keyboard when things didn't go his way~we addressed this by letting him know ( when he was calm) that certain behaviors would result in revoked computer time. ( slamming the keyboard, not getting off the computer when his time was up, keeping the volume up very loud so as to annoy the others in the room).
i have nothing against the computer, and thik it's a great innovation. i do, however, feel that it gets in the way of real human interaction.

ster, are you NT?


I feel that this much needs to be said:
(from te mouth of ONE aspie)
When every day of face-to-face interaction is a constant challenge because of all the social rules that become too much, if someone wants to escpae to the computer, provided it doesn't cause any geniune incovience to other family members, then quite frankly, I'd deal with it by:
1)not worrying
and
2)lettng them be.

well...not being a parent im not sure you want this input, but im giving it anyway

I was limited on computer time as a child and it was torture. I didnt want to be outside, or with others, so why in the world should I be forced? I know I was told that I needed to associate with kids my age, I never did...and didnt like it when I was forced to. The computer is where my friends are, and its always been that way. Just because some parents cant understand that, i dont think they should force their kids to be bored and lonely.

All this did to me was make me find ways to sneak on the computer. So in the end it did nothing.

So ya..just my thoughts. Im sure many wont agree.

When I lived in Italy and couldn't speak Italian well enough to carry on a conversation with people, (I could speak well enough to shop and for short, slow conversations) the internet was my lifeline to real human interaction. I met my husband over usenet. We got to know each other based on our writing and on real interactions about real things, not shallow "what tv show is on" mindless drivel/smalltalk. We also got to know each other in face-to-face time before we married, of course, but that was based on having gotten to know each other so well already.

I am quite happy when my son chooses to play online on a multi-user game like World of Warcraft because it involved real interaction (via text) with real human beings.

I consider this interaction with you to be a real human interaction. Or are you claiming one of us isn't human?

When I was a kid, I didn't mess with the computer mostly. Back then computers didn't do very much, and ours was behind the times - a 386, if I recall. For me it was videogames, which is kind of the same thing.

My parents worked out this system where I had to earn "points" by doing random chores around the house, and then I could exchange points for X amount of television or videogame time.

It didn't work, although I attribute that to the parents way of doing things. I got 10 points for a chore such as dusting the piano or cleaning the bathroom sink, and a half hour of television/videogames cost 30 points. I decided the system was unfair, and refused to cooperate with it. I'd shut the door to my room and play the videogames with the sound off.

It would vary with each kid, I guess, but the best way to get an Aspergers kid to pick up on something is to make them see it. If they have a concept in their heads, it's impossible to tell them it's wrong, they'll just think you're crazy. Negotiate with the child. Ask him what he thinks a 'fair' amount of computer time is, and discuss it with him. Work from there.

Giving anyone unlimited time to do something is a horrible idea. When my parents got tired of fighting with me about everything, they let me do what I wanted, and now, I can't get interested in anything that isn't pro wrestling or Tolkien-style fantasy. I'm 24 now and it's causing me some major difficulties with employment and planning a future, but even trying to think about other things causes my brain to sort of shut down.

Another thing that can work is using the computer as a reward. If the child is having trouble with, say, math, see if they still make Math Blaster or some other educational game along those lines, and try to use the computer enthusiasm to help him learn.

yes, i am NT....yes, i realize that basic human interaction is difficult for aspies~ my hubby and son are aspies. my daughter is in the process of going for an eval now. i do not have anything against computers. my worry for my son was the intensity with which he played. he would get into these online games with others and be "promised" that if he gave that player some of his "good items", that the other player would help him get further along in the game.....son fell for this EVERY time~only to be horribly disappointed and manic when the person did not do what they said they would do. we talked to him about it, his therapist talked to him about it....finally, he has learned to be quite skeptical of other users intentions.

In other words, his online gaming is helping him learn how to deal with real humans. Good for him!

Just like most humans would do in the real world then. He learned not to trust others as much in what I suspect was for him, a less painful way. No, the social thing may not seem like much but when you add in the peer's reaction...it adds up. They see aspie as differnt. What do teenagers do to people they see as different?

again, it's not the lesson he learned that had me so concerned~screaming at a computer and slamming the keyboard down repeatedly can be quite a scary sight...especially for my daughter who was 5 at the time.

My 17yo son was just diagnosed. In the past I used to worry that he spent too much time on the computer. Now that I know (finally!!) his dx I'm actually happy he's on it. He has had lots of problems in the past with NT friends who always eventually dropped him HARD. He has had the same group of friends for the past couple of years on the computer. The play WOW together every day (graduated from Ratchet & Clank) and talk thru headsets the whole time. I'm sure most of these kids are Aspie's too which is how they found each other but it's the best social life he's had.

Of course it took him awhile to get to this point. He had his meltdowns when people promised him things on the game or took advantage of his newness but in time he has figured out who to trust. But the wonderful sounds of him laughing and joking and even having very serious conversations with his friends keeps me from ever entertaining the thought of taking the computer away or even restricting use.

I'll admit - he doesn't like to go out much but wil go see his therapist every week and his Grandmother whenever he can with no fuss. He'll go to Target or electronic stores but you can't get him near a WalMart - go figure.

I can understand your concern there actually - that description actually made me want to cry; I had horrible mental images


Three2camp I'm glad your system was successful. It does sound a very good system!


P.S. I know I'm not a parent - hope I'm not butting in ...

I think computer benefits children in terms of learning and even a career. The bad thing it will undermines social values. It would not suprising if a child or an aduit with Asperger's would spend time on the computer instead of socializing. Good thing about being addicted to the computer or video games is that it get you in to college that offers video game design. The bad thing is that it wil not teach children with Autism social skill. In addtion it undermine homework. I highly advice parents who have children with asperger's is to have them experience designing a video game. At the same time teach them social skills.

I am another Aspie trying to answer this one...

OK, I am 20, and I have made LOTS of good friends on the Internet. Why? Because I am FAR more outgoing on the Internet than I am in person. It is because I feel more comfortable just showing pictures of myself and talking on AIM/Yahoo/Jabber/MSN/Skype than meeting someone face to face because NTs can be quite judgemental when they see me.

Don't take this the wrong way, but I do think it is nice to make friends on-line. I have even made a few friends from this site (and one of them showed this site to me--and I found her on another forum). While I wish they were closer to me, I am glad I have them.

And kinda related: I am now in college for computer repair, and attempting certification in Linux and Cisco Networking too.

The Internet is my Thearapy. I get to come here and share my Life with people who understand what I'm going through. I get to hang out with people who are tolerant of Individual Differences. Another thing that I like about the Internet is that when the Post- Modern World gets me down, I get to look at my Buses, in both their Original state and their Diecast Versions.