I don't know how much more I can take.

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Sigh. I've attempted to speak with my son's pediatrician about his behavior a few times, but he's essentially just blown me off (wait 6 more months, wait 6 more months). . .I have a feeling he just thinks I'm a single mother who can't "handle" him. I've found him a new doctor, plus a developmental pediatrician to see him, but it's going to take some time to be seen. Right now, every day is hard.

He's been difficult in temperament since he's been born, really. He's NEVER slept. Never. I finally broke down and started giving him melatonin at night when he was about 2 (he'll be 4 in September), which he takes every night. He still usually wakes at least 1-2 times per night, and wakes up early. He's never napped.

He's had sensory issues since he was young: he's never let me wash or brush his hair (we've been working on the brushing hair, and he finally got his first haircut this summer). He's picky about clothing--if we have to be somewhere early, I just dress him while he's asleep. We can't have a fan on when it's hot because "it's too blowy." He's EXTREMELY sound-sensitive to the point where I had to put a lock on the refrigerator because he would turn it off because "it makes loud noises." July 4th incited a complete meltdown.

Oh, the meltdowns. This child is becoming violent to the point where he has no concept of harm to self or others. He used to just throw himself on the floor, but now he's been physically attacking me, hitting me or the cat with objects. . .he's hurt himself (he's had stitches twice). I'm getting a bit better at MANAGING the meltdowns, but they still occur. I think they always will.

What else? He's verbal, he's smart, he DOES approach people to try to socially interact: in fact, he tries very hard to socially interact and make friends. He doesn't understand social cues at all, though (I'm not sure if kids that age really do?) and is, like, a Golden Retriever and will hound and hound kids who obviously don't want to play with him until they're just MEAN. He's more appropriate with adults.

The other strange thing I've noticed about him lately is that he refers to himself in the 3rd person a lot (by his name or by "he" instead of "I").

I really don't know what to think.

Sounds like you need to find a doctor that is willing to take you seriously. You are the mom...trust yourself!

Maybe you don't need to know what to think, as much as have new tools to try. Start by trying out the things parents here do with ASD kids and see if it makes things better. Try Tracker's book, free for download at ASDStuff.com, and maybe the book "the Explosive Child.". If you can get a few major issues under control, you'll start to see a clearer path.

I remember well how overwhelmed I felt when my son was four. And I was tired; my son didn't sleep like other little ones, either. We didn't have any inkling he was ASD. We didn't know what road we'd be on. But a few things helped me a lot. A few important pieces of information that worked for us, like hearing that just because my son was attracted to something, didn't mean he wasn't stressed by it. And that triggers can be hours or days before the meltdowns. And I started to accept the idea that maybe it was OK sometimes to drop a plan that didn't seem to be going well for my child, or not make the most of an expensive outing.

Read around and hopefully something will strike a chord, and then things will get a little easier. Once things get a little easier you'll start to breathe. And when you can breathe, you'll be in a good place to figure out where to go.


(((hugs))) and welcome to Wrong Planet!

Good luck, have you found out yet about special schools for children with autism ? He will need to go to school in a few years, I know a woman who has a child with either HFA or LFA (I am not sure if has been worked out what level of function the child has). At some of the schools for such children they get put in a different environment which is less distracting than a conventional classroom.

As for myself I was in special ed part of each week when I was at primary school, this was years before the work of L. Wing brought it back to the attention of the world. As a kid I was impossible to pigeon hole with any diagnosis as I did not fit the profile of any of the conditions which were known at the time.

I did not turn out totally bad, I am now a man with a wife, a job and a PhD who is a respected member of a profession so things can work out OK in the end.

I would strongly suggest that you look for books by Tony Attwood, he has written a complete guide to AS might might offer you some good advice.

_________________
Health is a state of physical, mental and social wellbeing and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity I am not a jigsaw, I am a free man !

Diagnosed under the DSM5 rules with autism spectrum disorder, under DSM4 psychologist said would have been AS (299.80) but I suspect that I am somewhere between 299.80 and 299.00 (Autism) under DSM4.

Has any of your doctors suggested that he may have a co morbid condition like bi polar? He sounds a lot like my oldest son who is mainly early onset bi polar. I used to have to literally sit on him for hours to calm him down. When we as a toddler I could not take him out. He slept great when he was a baby but as soon as he turned 2 he was up several times in the night and he was obsessed with electricity....plugging things in, shreading wires and cutting them. He plugged the rice steamer in one night and put some clothes and some paper towels inside, we were awakened by the smoke alarm.....only one of many times. I finally had to turn his doorknob around and lock it from the outside so we could all stay safe at night. All my kids have had sensory problems even the one who is considered "typical" (I have five...three that are adults and two that are 9 and 6) they probably get it from the autism that runs in the family. Im certain my son has aspergers as well as he fixates (OCD) and he has sensory issues and....also even though he did a lot of frightening things like he got hyper manic and thought he could fly, ect. He now does well on a very low dose of depakote. Ive read that kids with autism tend to do better on low doses of medication to control their co morbid conditions.....anxiety ect. He is now 24 and doing well, he still has some impulsive issues but he is getting better at controlling them. He was on street drugs for many years as well self medicating but he is now clean.

My daughter has classic autism and speaks of herself typically in the third person....or everything is Maddy does this or that.
The major differences between my now 9 year old aspie and my older son is the degree of his meltdowns, the dangerous things he would do (my 9 year old would be terrified to do some of the things my older son did) and my older son would lie constantly even if it didnt matter, it was like second nature....also when he got older he was very manipulative when he wanted something he was relentless.
Whatever is going on I hope that you get help soon. I know what its like to just not know what to do and it seems like no one understands what you are going through and in my case people actually blamed me for my sons behaviors.

My daughter reffered to herself as she or Mary wants this or does that until the age of 4.5...then in two weeks time she was using "I" correctly. Doctors had told us that this is something that we can do nothing about and will be corrected automatically when she is ready - and so it happened all of a sudden.
My advice is don't correct him all the time. You may explain to him that he has to speak in 1st person, but don't do it all the time, I think it is pointless.

Just a thought - would he be willing to wear foam earplugs or earmuffs? Maybe just a hoodie shirt? If the noise stuff is constant and extreme, it might help everything else if you work on just that one issue. Alternatively, is there a quiet space in the house (hopefully his room) where he can go to calm down? (You may want to consider heavy curtains on his windows to help with outside noises.)

You sound like you're on the right track: a developmental pediatrician is a good place to start. Hang in there: I remember when my son was four it was really difficult for me, too, except I had no idea at all what was happening and no idea there were communities on the internet that could help. We got through it somehow...things did get a little easier the older my son got, even though we didn't get appropriate help until he was 10.

Thanks all.

I will check out some of the books mentioned above. I have Tony Attwood's books; I have found the most helpful book to me (so far) to be a book called Parenting a Child who has Intense Emotions: Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills to Help Your Child Regulate Emotional Outbursts & Aggressive Behaviors by Harvey & Penzo. It's targeted toward kids a bit older than mine, but still been helpful.

liloeme--His ped hasn't suggested he has anything so far: he's just told me to "wait and see" and suggested that once he starts school and has more "structure" his behavior might level off (basically, I think he's suggesting he's just a "brat"--I've considered this, believe me, but I've worked with kids for years. I can handle "brats." I've used every tool at my disposal on him). In the meantime, I've transferred him from his pediatrician to my family doctor (who has seen him in passing when he's been with me at MY appointments and has agreed that "something might be going on with him"). . .transferring him formally has taken some time due to insurance and getting him an initial appointment. He hasn't been seen at Children's yet; they have quite a backlog but it's coming up in a few weeks.

momsparky--We have ear protection for him, which he loves. He has been sleeping with them on because the cicadas are too noisy.

Woodpecker--The public school that our house feeds into has an autism program. I applied for him to go to Montessori school because I thought it would be a good environment for him (I am not sure if he has AS or ADHD or both or neither)--getting him to sit in a chair all day and pay attention just seems like a recipe for disaster, but he's highly intelligent, so the idea of him working at his own pace would be really appealing. However, he got waitlisted.

I haven't really made an issue of him speaking in the 3rd person and don't mind it much, I was just wondering if this was something anyone else's kids do.

Hi Andelalala

Sending you Big Hugs
My friends little boy who is 5 has major sensory overload and she thought the book The Out of Sync Child was very useful.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Sync-Child-Caro ... pd_sim_b_1
I haven't read it but she go alot from it.

Have you a support group near that you can join? speaking to other parents (like here) and knowing your not alone can be a huge help

Good Luck
x

He sounds a lot like my daughter. Lots of empathy and support, it is tough raising a sensory sensitive child who won't sleep.

The biggest change in our life was when we took her off of gluten. She is gluten intolerant and the gluten gives her migraines. The migraines would exacerbate the sound sensitivities throwing her into mind-blowing tantrums,

I'm not promoting any sort of diet, and I'm not trying to imply that what worked for my child would work for all, but have you looked into ruling out migraines or keeping a log to see if there is any pattern?

My daughter also speaks of herself in third person, it doesn't worry me because she has an excellent imagination and likes to narrate her own adventures. Actually it is very charming. "faster than anything that every was, CHILD raced through the kitchen to sneak a yogurt."

Boy, this post is really bringing back some memories for me...we struggled so hard that year. I had no guidance and no experience with children, and I was convinced the problem was somehow my fault at the time, that it was all because I was a bad mother.

I remember one of the worst days that summer I took my son to a children's museum, he was really frustrating me, and I ended the day by buying him an ice cream cone...which I for some reason had to take away from him (probably not a good reason, but my memories are all very blurry) and then I took a bite of it (I don't think I'd eaten, and I hated to throw out a five-dollar ice cream) before throwing it away in a fit of petulance. (Yes, it isn't clear here who was the most disabled that day.) DS melted down in a huge screaming heap right there in front of everyone, and I had no idea what to do. I was consumed by guilt for taking a bite before I threw it away, and for throwing it away, and for buying it in the first place, and for the whole stupid trip, and I sat on the steps outside, holding my sobbing son and trying to keep from sobbing myself.

When I got home and put him in his room - I think he was napping - I went and called the suicide hotline...not because I had any intention of committing suicide, but because I had NO IDEA what else to do. I was convinced it was my fault and I was somehow making my kid behave this way and I didn't understand what was happening. Fortunately the woman on the other end of the line was very understanding, she said that it sounded to her like maybe I had a particularly challenging child, and that I wasn't reacting well because I was in an overwhelming situation and needed help. I didn't really believe her, but it felt good not to be judged for once.

So for anyone who reads this thread looking for other parents who are at that place: I'm not there these days - but I really get where you're coming from. I got through that year by gritting my teeth and putting my head down and just somehow putting one foot in front of the other, no help from anyone that summer; my husband was working insane hours and I was on my own. I was NOT a good parent (and I would give anything to get those few years back, so I could have the knowledge that I have now.)

Those years did not break us: our family survived. From that point, it still took six years for us to find the help we needed, although each year things got a little better on their own, and we found a little more understanding and help each year, too. I am sure things would have gotten better faster if we'd had earlier intervention and help, but I don't think that those years we struggled have had any lasting bad effects, other than these memories that sometimes get triggered and make me cry.

I think the message I'm clumsily trying to impart here is: if you're struggling, and you're reaching out for help and you're frustrated and afraid, I think you will be OK; help is out there and it's much more accessible than it was even five years ago. It is difficult, but I am confident you can get through it. We aren't quite from surviving to thriving yet, but I feel like we're in striking distance. I think you (all of you who are going through this) will be, too.

If he gets gas attacks, constipation, and complains that his head is killing him, maybe try keeping a food/behavior log. Try to see if there is a pattern or relationship between what he is eating and how he is acting. Gluten and casein cause migraines in many people, but it could just as easily be something else, such as soy or eggs. At the very least you can take the log to the doctor and they can get a detailed picture of what is going on.