Wanting to take a toy everywhere

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Hi Everyone

One of my almost 6yr old daughter's classes started back today. She wanted to take some toys in the car and one toy in particular into the building. This was fine by us, but we told her that the toy couldn't go into the class. There were 2 reasons for this: she'd picked a parrot puppet with a squeak which we knew she would squeeze during the class and distract the other kids; she would also be really distracted by it. She wasn't happy, but she didn't go on about it, so we said no more about it. When the class leader asked the kids to follow him, we reminded her about the toy and my husband tried to take it from her. This resulted in a dramatic response, not quite a meltdown, but she was crying, running up and down and refusing to go in. Eventually, one of the teachers got her as far as the staircase. I listened from outside and could hear that she went into the class, missing the first 25 mins. When she came out, she said the class was great, as usual. The teacher said she settled within about 5 mins. The staff at this class are particularly good with her. Even before she became a candidate for autism assessment, they just accepted that she was a little different. I don't want to jeopardise this class, as it's been really good for her (and us) and I can see it leading to a possible career choice in the future. The feedback we've had has been nothing but positive.

This has been an ongoing problem since she was a toddler. Her choice of toys changes from one day to the next - it can be anything from a plastic dinosaur, R2D2, to one of her puppets. She even wants to take a toy to school, which I allow, so long as it goes into her bag once we get there. The reason I allow it is that if I decided not to give in to her, we would never get out of the house, or she would have to be dragged to school, punching and screaming, which I would never do. I don't think she takes it out in class (the teachers have never mentioned it anyway). I stopped taking her to drama classes mainly because of this issue. One week, she took a toy in (I relented as she was refusing to go in otherwise), but I was told she spent the whole hour playing with it and getting annoyed at the other kids for knocking it over, etc. When it impacts on other kids, I have to take a stance, so after that, she was told she couldn't take one in. She made such a big deal out of it each week, that I decided not to re-register. I worry that this will continue to happen, unless we find the solution which has been evading us for all these years.

Does anyone have any ideas? Anything would be very much appreciated.

Thanks

This is actually a typical childhood phase, just made more difficult and extreme when AS is involved. Where we are, most classes write an all encompassing rule on it and that is that. Every child faces the same situation.

You have to get her to buy into the logic of the rule, I think. Get her imagining a room where every child has a toy, and all the things that could happen. Move on from there. Assuming she is capable of that abstraction; I can't remember all the details with your daughter.

It is going to take a while because, obviously, she wants what she wants, but odds favor her eventually outgrowing this need.

I think the toys are like a security blanket, btw. Known, familiar, and happy. That little bit of home in a scary place.

We've had the same problem from before he could even talk. He would pick something to hold/perseverate on and want to bring it everywhere. As he got older (around 5) it was easier to explain expectations. He was allowed to bring one item in the car, but when we arrived at destination it needed to stay in the car and it would be there when he got back. If he got out of control about it, then he wouldn't be allowed to bring it in the car. It gave him some rules to follow and he knew that if he wanted to bring it, then part of the deal was that he had to leave it without blowing up. It has worked well. He's older now, and still likes to bring things but sometimes he doesn't He's much more flexible with this as well.

I think you are doing all the right things showing a balance of working with her and standing your ground. Press on, and also try to get her to understand the rule, as was mentioned. My son went through a lot of this. Now at 11, he brings in a stress toy that I approve and he has to be discreet or it's taken away. This is a huge battle but keep on and it will get better.

I did this as a child too. I would have panic attacks if I didn't bring a stuffed animal with me. I can't remember if I had meltdowns or not but I probably did. I don't think I ever truthfully outgrew it either. I just graduated to real animals. I take my bearded dragon, Pippin with me everywhere as long as it isn't too cold or she's had enough handling for a while. She's my service animal and allowed to go anywhere with me. When I can't bring her, I shove my Tails the fox plushie in my pocket and take him with me. I had to bring my Timon and Pumbaa plushies with me everywhere from first grade to mid third. I only stopped because my as*hole bus driver tried to make me surrender to them and he said he would never give them back. My problems at school got ten times worse because of anxiety. Bringing a stuffed animal with me was basicaly a coping mechanism. Before my Timon and Pumbaa plushies, I had a Buster Bunny plushie that talked when you pulled a string in his back. I took him everywhere but when I started kindergarden, my mom wouldn't let me bring him with me. I had horrible problems with anxiety in kindergarden and longed for my stuffed animal. I only went to that kindergarden for a week or two before my parents realised I wasn't ready for it yet and pulled me out. I started the next year at another school with great sucess. The teacher was a saint but my mom let me bring my stuffed animal with me this time. Bringing a stuffed animal helped me cope. As I said, I just graduated to real animals.

To deal with this we allowed a toy at any time but it had to comply with two rules:

1)be small enough to fit in her backpack

2)not make any noise

The rules were simple and unvarying, an autistic child's preferred type of rule. The teachers figured out a way to work with it. They used the toy as a reward for after a particular task had been completed (quasi-ABA). The toy stayed in the backpack and came out to be played with after doing the work.

My blankets came with me in my backpack until first grade. Also, I'm nearly 24, but I still take a very small doll in my backpack everywhere with me. She never comes out, but it helps me to know she's there.