Morning struggles with 4 y.o. with autism??? Overload... :(

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I have a 4 year old autistic daughter that hasn't been officially diagnosed as autistic but sensory, communication and oppositional defiant. I was basically made to feel my parenting was for the way she acts, although she has had autism symptoms since 18 months regressing language etc, but had some improvements with therapy in the home. She had an Iep meeting and is about to start preschool in a month and all they seen was a language concern so far for speech and they have to see the way she reacts in a classroom setting. She failed a m-chat at 24 months, I guess my question is I am exhausted, one problem I'm having with her is transitioning in the mornings and every time my boyfriend and I cook something we are given no I don't want that after one item is cooked and the next item is cooked, it is quite frustrating cooking a list of foods and she refuses to eat. She goes into fits and it's frustrating ugh. What should we do? We have given her choices what to eat and she chooses pancakes every morning!!

Michelle

Btw: I have aspergers also and get frustrated easily and by the end of the day I get frustrated and feel like screaming from meltdowns and my boyfriend has to calm me. She is too much like me as a child. I get frustrated because I don't know what to do and go in overload over and over during the day by the end of day I'm exhausted. I know I can't let her eat pancakes everyday. Ideas not to have struggles in the mornings? And it's always in the morning and breakfast time we have these struggles and meltdowns and her throwing fits, banging the wall, screaming and saying "I want pancakes! I don't want eggs, sausage" or whatever else we let her choose on a list of other foods. Ugh. advice?

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Hi Michelle, I can empathise with your situation. My daughter is 6 and doesn't have a diagnosis yet. She has major sensory issues and these are quite obvious in what she eats or wears. She used to eat absolutely anything and it was great, but as time has gone on, her diet has become more and more restricted. She would live on wheat products (breakfast cereal, waffles, pizza, etc). She used to love nibbling on any kind of raw veg, but now the only veg she'll eat is lettuce, carrot and sweetcorn and she won't eat fruit at all, except for the occasional apple. Some parents would love to say their kids eat that, but I'm concerned that those veg will end up like everything else she once loved.

We were on holiday in Canada a couple of weeks ago. My husband and I love the wide choice of food available there, even in the food courts. But, we've come home with 10 little Disney bags from Subway (she had a tuna kids pack 10 times in 2 weeks). The other meals she had were torture for us.

I'm sorry, I have no advice. She's only getting assessed at the moment, so we've had no support at all. I will be grateful for any advice given here too.

I would add an egg to her pancakes and some other protein powder. To her it will look like pancakes but it will have everything she needs in it. My son loves waffles and hates eggs so I add an egg to the pancake mix.

My advice, give her pancakes.

As I constantly have to remind my wife, choose your battles. Is this worth the fight? Is the fight going to help?

I'd giver her pancakes with different sides every day. If she eats the sides, great. Otherwise, oh well.

As well as egg in the pancakes, make them with wholemeal flour, then they'll be a healthy carbohydrate to start the day on. Have you tried putting a selection of raw/healthy foods on the table to choose from? Try not to say anything - just return anything not eaten to the fridge. Don't "mix things up". Aspie kids like to have things one at a time.
If things don't improve, check out the latest research on allergies/sensitivities in autistic children. Your daughter may be having a real problem with some foodstuffs.

Sometimes you got to go with what works even if you don't think it is necessarily the best thing (as long as it isn't actually harmful). If that means pancakes every morning just so she will eat something without meltdowns and driving you crazy, then make pancakes. If time is a factor, make a bunch one day and stick them in the freezer separated with a bit of wax paper. I've found they heat up pretty well in the toaster oven. I feel your pain at least to some degree (I have a kid with ASD but don't have it myself so I can only imagine how hard that makes it). We have our mornings arranged so there is as little chance as possible for things to upset DS (6 yo ASD). It has taken a while to figure out but we have a routine now that is working pretty well. That may sound like we are coddling him but really its for my sanity. I just can't take the struggles, shouting and meltdowns first thing in the morning. I hate those days when I get to work at 9 AM and I feel like I have already put in full day, ugh! I am more strict about our morning routine than I am about our bedtime routine. I try to do everything as much the same every day as possible.

I don't know you but I feel confident in saying that you are not a bad parent. Many people whose kids have ASD, myself included, have felt that way at one point in time or another. It is a very perplexing thing to have a kiddo on the spectrum. Pretty much none of the parenting techniques that work with NT kids will work with ASD kids. For me it is just so NON-intuitive what works for my ASD son. I've just had to learn different ways to handle pretty much every situation.

This. She has to eat something, and there's not much value trying to force her to eat what she doesn't want, day in and day out.

My son goes through phases where he'll want to eat a certain thing all the time. Right now it's Fig Newtons. A few weeks ago it was jelly sandwiches.

Also worth noting, I have a two year old who will do something similar to what you describe. He will ask for one thing, then you give it to him, and he doesn't want it and asks for something else, over and over. There is no need for you to give in to this sort of thing. If there is a food you know she will eat just give her that and be done with it.

I need to do that one of these days because you can hide a lot of good stuff in a waffle or pancake. I give my boy a cereal bar and banana every morning, and occasionally a waffle or pancake with an orange but they're the store bought frozen ones which aren't very nutritional but are fast and easy. I don't have the energy to cook first thing in the morning, not when my son always wakes up first and is usually cranky and wants to eat right away. If try to cook something first he follows me into the kitchen is constantly underfoot and yells at me the whole time "CEREAL BAR!? CEREAL BAR!? CEREAL BAR!! !!" over and over til I can't see straight anymore.

Edit: I tried to offer him an organic fruit toaster pastry this morning, which is similar to a cereal bar. He wanted no parts of it, and yelled for his cereal bar. It's really not worth the headache.

I as well don't see an issue with letting her have pancakes. Making them from scratch you have real egg, milk etc in it... As others are saying you can make them with all sorts of goodies peppered in. My son LOVES pancakes beyond reason and I began putting cinnamon some days (as cinnamon has huge health benefits) and bananas other days (he hates bananas but loves the pancakes anyways) Also applesauce other days.

Lots of ways to let your daughter have the pancakes - I know what a struggle this can be with your coping too... I am glad to hear you have your boyfriend to lean on with understanding.... that said - you say your daughter is so much like you... that should help you understand what she is going through and figure out how to compromise with her... start there

Also - the person that said to freeze them... we do that too... however I never thought to put wax paper between.. I always zipped locked them separately.. your way sounds so much easier! lol.. thanks for the tip!

I usually wrap them in plastic and then zap them in the micorwave.

Oh, sometimes I just sit and giggle...adding eggs, protein powder, or wholegrain flour to her pancakes...silly people! Don't you know that some kids will then refuse to eat the one thing that they would once willingly eat? LOL! What I learned from my daughter is don't change a food she is willing to eat unless you are willing to have her drop it as a food she will eat.

I am very envious of parents who are able to hide things in their kid's food. It has never worked here. When her eating issues were at their worst, I couldn't even switch brands. Still can't with some foods.

I am with those who say give her pancakes. Especially if you are having a day in which you just can't deal with it all.

You might be right about that. I can hide a lot of things in a wafffle so maybe my kids are not really picky eaters. I guess there are some picky eaters who can sense the smallest changes. Hopefully th OP daughter isn't one.

Sounds like it isn't necessarily what you're making in particular, but that she needs some predictability in the mornings, and the "surprise" of what's for breakfast is more than she can tolerate.

Can you make a visual schedule for the mornings, and include a rotation of the foods you know she'll eat in non-stressful situations? Something like this: http://www.livingwellwithautism.com/vis ... _self_care (Scroll down to "morning routine") Just replace the picture of breakfast with something specific - there's lots of free clipart out there, or you could take photos of the things you make. Just tell her ahead of time, and let her choose breakfasts for the week, and then go over the schedule at bedtime and in the morning, and compliment her on her choice of breakfast just before she sits down.

If she wants pancakes every day, there are all kinds of ways to make them different, but I would carefully test recipes on her when you aren't in a hurry and she has time to acclimate to them.

My trick for pancakes is to use the blender (I don't know if you can tolerate blender noise, but, boy, does it make pancakes easier) One recipe I use a lot (very high protein) is this one: http://www.food.com/recipe/oatmeal-cott ... akes-43072 (You can use two whole eggs instead of egg whites) Or, you can put fruit in them: http://thestubbiechef.wordpress.com/201 ... e-blender/ http://allrecipes.com/recipe/moms-applesauce-pancakes/ or even vegetables: http://themuffinmom.com/2009/08/22/squa ... -pancakes/

Maybe you can ask her what she wants for breakfast. I know that I can eat the same thing for days in a row and it doesn't bother me but one day I might want a change. Is this really worth fighting over?

If you want her to try new foods, maybe you could make a tasting portion. That way she knows she has the predictability of the meal but could also try something new.

Although the advice of 'give her the pancakes, save the fuss', sounds good, I'm not sure it is workable in the long term. If it's only breakfast that causes the upset, then fair enough, I'd agree with this advice. But, if all other meals cause a similar effect, e.g. only bread and butter for lunch and pasta with tomato sauce for dinner, then no, there must be another way (not that I've found it). There are kids on the spectrum with even more restricted diets than that. The problem is the lack of a balanced diet, with its serious effects on health, in the longer term (not to mention an inability to eat out with the family without any trauma). Eventually you end up with an adult who only eats cheese or Coco Pops, etc and that can't be good. I worry about this constantly, as I'm in the same situation as the OP. Sorry to be so negative, but I too am looking for answers and just giving my daughter what she wants is not the solution for me. That said, at the moment, we don't seem to have an alternative. It's either letting her eat what she wants or her being up all night, crying for food, whilst still refusing what she has been given (things that she used to love).