homeschooling kids with Aspergers

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I would be very interested in hearing from parents who are homeschooling their asperger's children after the child has been attending elementary school.

My son is 10, and in the fifth grade, and we've been very happy with his public school. They seem to have a good grasp of the special needs of children with asperger's, and they have an onsite behaviorist who talks with the teachers and helps them understand how to do a better job of teaching children like my son. Although my son does well in Science, Social Studies, English and Spelling, and is even making great strides in Communication Arts (historically something that should be difficult for kids on the spectrum), his biggest struggle is in Math. They way most teachers in our district teach math is during class, with maybe one night a week (or even every other week) of homework. Our son just can't grasp the concepts with constant repetition. The teachers don't seem to be really well-educated in math, either, AND the text book is new and seems to have it's own kinks that make learning for my son even harder.

Going through this frustration with my son has also made my husband and I realize that our son doesn't really learn THAT much at school -- where the distractions are highest -- and we are guessing that he learns more at home. I already basically homeschool him, in addition to what he does actually AT school. I read all of his texts, have him write index cards to "chunk" the information into more easily understandable bites, and discuss whatever subject has a test coming up over and over so that he can understand. He's a good student, but it does seem to be taking a toll on him -- he's very overstimulated and tired -- and he is beginning to make comments on how he doesn't enjoy school that much, or that school makes him tired. We are also concerned that he will get behind on math, and it will prevent him from really learning that subject well enough to go to college. We wonder if teaching him at home will be more effective -- i.e., teaching him the bulk of his classes in the morning, when he is fresh and able to be attentive, and leaving the afternoon for his own special pursuits. I did ask my son if he ever thinks about homeschooling, and he said yeah, he does think it would be a great idea. Then I asked him if he thought he would miss his friends, and he said "yeah, I hadn't thought about that, but I would miss my friends." He is somewhat quiet, but an extremely cheerful kid who does fairly well socially.

He will be entering middle school next year, and I really have to wonder about whether that will just be too chaotic for him. He's a very innocent ten-year-old (still believes in Santa), and middle school could be rough. And yet, he's doing fairly well socially. But the noise is beginning to wear on him, and middle school noise increases 10-fold.

Any experience you can relate on this subject matter would be greatly appreciated!

Kris

I was homeschooled, then went to school for a couple of years when I was eight. School was kind of fun, and I learned a bit socially but not much academically. I was bored of it after about two years, so asked to leave again - I then learned at home until I was 15, when I did GCSEs at a college. While I was at home I did most of my learning from textbooks and encyclopedias, and my mum encouraged me to still have have social contact with kids my age, although I wasn't incredibly interested in the idea.

But basically, I think if your son is finding school too tiring and is doing ok learning at home already, then he should be ok with being home taught. One caution, though - some authorities think that all children really should be in school, and my mum was complained at because I wasn't, even though the LEA agreed that I was recieving sufficient education, which is all I legally needed to have. (School isn't legally compulsory in England, although if you're in a different country I'd look into the requiremets there.)

Good luck.

i've thought about homeschooling, but cannot entertain the idea for long as i'm the insurance-carrier...i was always quite apprehensive as well about teaching the subjects which son hates~especially since one of them is math~when i was in third grade, i told my dad that i was going to be a bus driver, as they didn't have to do math......i am math-phobic, i can't imagine having to teach it.

Thanks for your responses. I think my son would love learning at home -- I'm sure that it would release all of the pressure, and I'm sure that he would learn more. I would love teaching him as well, because I enjoy learning, and I REALLY enjoy my son because he's just such an easy kid to have around. But having said that, I know that he would miss his friends from school. He is an amazingly social being, even if it isn't the same level as his NT friends. I am an older parent, and a lot less inclined to set up "play dates" even though I do set something up for him about twice a month. We honestly don't have time for more than that, because of church, cub scouts, social skills classes twice a week, and family activities.

I guess I would be more concerned about trying homeschooling if my son went to school sad every day, but he doesn't. He is happy to go, and happy when he comes home. He just periodically mentions that he gets tired of the noise and distractions.

Kris

School must be a lot different these days because when I was at school (in the 60's & 70's) we basically had to be silent in class. If I had to go to school nowadays, I think the Aspergers would have been picked up much faster.

I have worked for years but am beginning to find the noise really stressful. Even when wearing earphones and playing music, I can still hear it. One positive spin-off was that my intolerance to noise led to being referred to a pyschiatrist through work and being diagnosed with Asperger's 3 years ago.

Just a word of caution - college isn't the be all and end all of life. Many Aspies are happier doing practical work. I feel you might be putting a bit too much pressure on your son to excel academically. I know it's done out of care and concern for his future but he needs to be able to enjoy the here and now of life too.

I was expected to do very well at school and it was assumed I would go to university. I did, but had several nervous breakdowns due to bullying from other women and didn't get as good marks as I would have liked (still passed but with a credit average - equivalent to B).

Some people say I should do another degree but I am really really over this studying thing. That's something to watch - it's fine to encourage but if it is taken too far, you can have a child who burns out in late secondary school.

Mum now says she wishes she had steered me towards more practical courses and perhaps I would have been happier going to a TAFE. Still, despite all the troubles, I think I learnt a lot at university.

Yes, we pulled DS out of fourth grade and have been homeschooling him for about a year now.

Downside: no class parties

On the subject of friends - a lot of the boys that my DS considered friends weren't really nice to him. He would do a lot of parallel play and not really notice that the other kids were jostling to get as far away from him as possible. You mention about the lack of contact with peers, yet you also mention he's in Scouts and has other activities. We live in a neighborhood with other boys and DS has MORE friends now than he's ever had and I think it's partly due to homeschooling. He's far more relaxed now and more able to interact. He is in Scouts and has swim team. We also belong to a homeschool group that gets together for play sometimes.

Math - well, there's more than one way to slay that dragon! We moved out of a school system that used Everyday Math - what a horribly convoluted program! We moved into a school system that used hardback textbooks so 75-percent or more of the math was copying the problems onto a sheet of paper. A lot of the reason why DS thought he was bad at math is due to all the mechanics and confusion. Math-U-See was recommended and we're working our way through that program. It includes a DVD or video so I don't have to teach it. We work at our own pace - he just did the first two chapters of the current level in about 3 days. It took 3 weeks or more to do the multi-digit multiplication last month, but once he knew the concept, we could move on. Since that was a tedious 3 weeks, we supplemented with math games we found on-line to break up the boredom. Singapore Maths is also highly recommended. Both programs, from what I can tell, don't skip around like a lot of math books in the U.S. - you focus on multiplication and you do it until you know it. Then, and only then, do you move to division. It took us awhile, but DS is no longer afraid of math and does fairly well with it.

We almost gave up when we first started homeschooling - it was really hard to get him to sit down and do anything. I read about deschooling/unschooling so we took time off and then it was summer. We did "field trips" and went to the library, watched a lot of television (we have a DVR so we recorded History, A & E, etc.) and we also have a Netflix account that we use to occasionally rent PBS programs on certain topics.

He did miss all the back-to-school stuff when his pals were talking about getting all their school supplies and pretending not to be excited about going back. So, we went to the store, bought some nice new notebooks and pencils and started to learn again.

We live in the state of Illinois, USA where there are almost no requirements for homeschooling. Your regulations may differ and could vary widely - some states require a ton of reporting and testing. There are several organizations that can help you find the laws for your state.

Even if you stay in public school, don't overlook the tons of resources on the web - just do searches (or I can go through a few of my links) for samples of the math programs, or games and enhancements for any/all subjects. You can start at KidsKonnect.com and internet4classrooms.com for some ideas to supplement.

It's been rough, but rewarding too. I can see how much happier he is today than he was last year. He's not afraid to learn either - we've developed our own routine that keeps the hard stuff (like writing) short and then we can have more fun with hands-on stuff like science.

Good luck with making your decision. It's not an easy one.

Home school for someone with As is not a very good thing in my opinion you might end up making
" The Child socially isolated " you need people around you to learn human stuff by taking it away they end up having to learn later in life which can be even more of a strain on them making them house bound… Also you might stop the person from going to higher education... Really changing the person to specialist school is better in my opinion…


No offence but getting to the route of the problem with your son might be better as it might be been caused for other reasons hes not telling you..

And i sucked at maths in school so you know... and im a Game Programmer

I REALLY thank you for your replies:

Pandora, I totally agree with you that university isn't the end all. If I notice that he would prefer to do a practical course rather than a university course, I will definitely take that into account. He doesn't have to go to university unless he WANTS to -- it's his decision.

three2camp, your suggestions are all really good. I don't have much of a clue about what my son does with friends during recess, but I do see that there are boys who shout out hello or goodbye with genuine feelings when I drop my son off or pick him up from school. He is invited over to these nice boy's houses sporadically, and when I see them play together, he seems to do very well. He always seems to make friends with the more quiet, bookish type boys who also seem to have very good manners! Also, I've just ordered the MathUSee promotional DVD, and so I'm very interested to hear that you like that program. As far as neighborhood friends, that won't work in our situation because there are so few kids, and they are ALL over scheduled with sports. Our son gets most of his socializing at a social skills class specifically for kids with Aspergers, and his cub scouts and church programs.

And Logitechdog, it helps to know that you "sucked at maths in school" and you're now a game programmer. These are all things I need to hear from other people to help me make my decision.

I just want to spend some time talking with teachers and the middle school principal to see how accomodating they will be. Our elementary school has been very accomodating, and if the middle school will do the same, I think we could have a good situation there. My son has enough friends that he would have someone to sit with at lunch, and I would be prepping him well ahead of time to encourage him to sit with the appropriate kids who will be nice. I am aware that he may not be telling me things that go on at school, mostly because he's so cheerful and may not even notice when somewhat "bad" things are happening. Also, he may not be able to formulate what's going on and communicate that to me. It's a very hard position to be in as a parent -- I really don't have a good idea of how life is for him at school.

I do respect your opinion, but each case is different. As far as homebound and isolated - he's actually far more social now than he was last year. He greets people of all ages when we meet them during our paper route, he had some other boys playing chess and GameBoy with him during the last swim meet, all I have to do is mention there are kids playing outside and he'll grab his shoes and go.

Special schools in our area do not exist and he is very connected to family - always has been - so there's no way we would send him to a residential school.

He's now in a stable environment instead of a noisy, overcrowded classroom where they change the posters and layout every month or so. That stability has allowed him to grow and learn.

Our solution isn't right for every one and I always get the socialization argument, but six hours a day of forced socialization with same-age peers isn't necessarily a good thing either.

I know what happened to him last year and we are now on a path where he's happy, he's social, he's learning and he's growing. Our plan is to continue moving forward and higher education is most definitely possible.

I homeschool my AS/HFA son, I wouldn't change it for the world. My NT daughter recently went back to homeschooling after trying school, too.

Kids who are homeschooled are welcomed into many colleges - so there is no reason why homeschooling would have anything to do with interfering with higher education. Also - how many kids who start college (some of public schools' finest) need remedial classes or are considered functionally illiterate?

Secondly - When a child is homeschooled there are choices about socialization - not being forced to sit in a classroom and try and appease the bullies and call that "socialization". That actually sets a child up to feel bad about themselves. And the idea that we need to be around people to be more human seems like a justification alot of psychologists and psychiatrists use to try and change the person on the spectrum into a NT.

The root of the problem is often the sensory issues in the classroom and the treatment by others - and too much stress can lead a child on the spectrum to withdraw further. Once a child learns how to deal with things slowly than they can gain more experience and confidence in their skills to handle different situations. And while specialized schools might be a different alternative many of them costs thousands and thousands of dollars (like $12,000 for one grade level). Some people remortgage their houses in order to afford private schooling that is out of their price range and many people are not even in a position to do that. And the idea that you make the school pay for the tuition does not happen very often and many school do not have adequate services for AS kids. Our district insists they go to an EI (Emotionally Impaired) classroom with kids with all kinds of issues - which is sometimes equated to putting the prey in with the predators. Those classes can be scary for a sensitive child on the spectrum too seeing others students being restrained and how exactly does that lead to any kind of behavior you want them to model.

Well let me put it this way does your home schooling include practical work as well as written….

/*
need remedial classes or are considered functionally illiterate?
*/ still don’t get what your point is here as it’s a disorder…

/* not being forced to sit in a classroom */ may I ask where you expect him to work…

bullies, don’t know what your school is like but there is zero tolerance for bullying, have you tried talking to the headmaster about it…

“” And the idea that we need to be around people to be more human ”” They is only so much one can learn from one self, than other’s mishaps “”

Do you include Sex Education into your home schooling Coz I know I would not like to talk to my parent about it…

A lot of kid’s experience this but to pull them out is not really showing them a way to go – you could end up making them think pulling away is better than facing the fear

Once a child learns how to deal with things slowly than they can gain more experience and confidence in their skills to handle different situations.

From experience from me been in school I did not lack in any subject other than because I was dyslexic – You might think bullying only happens to your child but it doesn’t – not getting the school involved is a mistake to make as it will just keep happening to the others – and I don’t know what your schools are like but if you mess around in the class here you get shot out of it…

No offence but you can’t shield the kid from the world for ever…

Only time home school should really be used is if you move around a lot or have no schools near you in my opinion …

ahh, Logitech, my heart hurts for you and I know you mean well.

BUT I'm in the United States (you are not since you had a headmaster) - it's late, I'm tired and I could find the links to the research, but I don't want to do that now.

Our country is rated like 12th or 14th in the world for education among developed nations.

I live in one of the 50 states that is ranked in the lower half of a poorly performing country.

If your concern is sex education (you're right, I DO NOT want to go there with my 10-y-o boy), then, how about 20 or so years ago when my NT son was teaching my toddler how to flip people off? He learned all about the middle finger while in first grade - that's the sex ed our kids are getting here. With my 10-y-o, two years ago we were at the counter, just talking, he says,

"mom, what's a little f*&^%er"?

There are books, there are websites, that will do a far better job at sex ed than the local playground.

Our "classroom" is the dining room mostly - yeah, yesterday we took the anenometer outside to test it and measure wind speed and our barometer is in the kitchen. We do math at the dining room table, but the television with the Classroom series is in the living room. We do art wherever it fits - sometimes in the dining room or if it's messy, the kitchen.

He decided this week to read Hamlet and we're trying to voice the different characters (no, he's not a genius, just a curious child) so we did that in the dining room.

The biggest thing is it's one-on-one (not always good since we know each other really well), but there are no surprises like in a classroom.

Oh, we have no flourescent lights and if he wants to stay in his p.j.s for math, that's okay too.

I, too, fear teaching him failure is o.k., I feared that when my oldest NT wanted to be in the school band and wanted to quit two months later. I feared it again when he tried Karate and wanted to quit two months later. When to quit? When to force? It doesn't matter if the child is NT or not - it's a hard road to follow and we can only do our best.

BTW, my oldest "quitter" is now a CPA practicing with a firm in downtown Chicago - so, yeah, he doesn't play the French horn or do Karate, but he learned to go for what mattered to him.

As a parent, that's what I'm doing with my AS son - I try to give him the tools to succeed, I try to gauge when it's just quitting and teaching him quitting is ok vs. staying the course.

This is never an easy job and regardless of a child's abilities, I will never make the right decisions every time.

Right now, in this moment, I have made the right decision for this child. I see it in his face every day. I feel it in his hugs.

One other note - schools in the U.S. are so torn between bullying and civil rights that we now have a new word: bullycide. Yes, the schools and the main personnel should be involved, but that could tread on the civil rights of other students. Bullycide, or worse, is a true problem. Don't disrespect our decision to take that slow road to understanding and acceptance through homeschooling and positive socialization.

Mine did. We went to museums, visited other towns, drew things, did science experiments, learned how to look after rabbits and gerbils ....



We did work at the dining room table, sometimeson the living room floor, in the garden, at the beach ...



The school my brother and I went to had a 'zero tolerance' policy. I coped by fighting dirty, but my brother was more delicate, so he coped by getting attacked a lot.



Hey, you can learn from others mishaps outside of a school. You can also learn from your own mishaps, from reading, from media such as newspapers and tv ...



My mum took the approach that if we were old enough to ask, we were old enough to know. So we were told the basics before it occured to us to find it embarassing, and when we were in our teens, further age-appropriate details were found on the internet.



I think three2camp's post covered this pretty well. It takes judgement. Personally, I saw not being in school as a sensible existence rather than 'quitting'.



And that's what I gained from learning at my own pace. I'm fine with just about any environment, because I was able to start with small amounts of exposure and build up tolerance. (As opposed, say, to being suddenly put in a noisy, busy, crowded environment, expected to perform in ways you don't understand, and then expected to do this all day, day after day, repeatedly, for a large chunk of your week, of your year, of several years...)



My brother is dyslexic, and progressed much faster when he had one-to-one tuition than when faced with a teacher trying to juggle thirty pupils. (Who, by the way, believed dyslexia didn't exist, and that any child who had it was just being lazy. Although even the non-prejudiced teachers' dyslexic pupils were behind compared to their classmates.)

I realise bullying is a common problem, but there's often not much the school is willing to do, or is even capable of doing. (They don't want to be bullied by the bullies' parents, for a start.) I'd also argue that it's the place of the parents to look out for their childs welfare, not to manage the school. If the school can't cope with bullies that needs to be fixed by the teachers and the government, and in the meantime I fully support the removal of the victims.

Many, many classes, were they to shoot out any child that misbehaved, would find themselves rather empty.



Actually, I think I was a lot less shielded in my upbringing than the average person I've met who went to school. Rather than being locked up in an asylum full of children for most of my formative years, I was actually out, seeing the world. And to clarify, 'the world' is in no way represented by any school I've come across so far. (And I've met a few in one capacity or another.)

No offence Louise but why have you not gone for a digamous...

Rather than being locked up in an asylum full of children for most of my formative years, I was actually out, seeing the world. And to clarify, 'the world' is in no way represented by any school I've come across so far.


"" Nice way of putting it but then any kid would say this than having to be at school ""

As for three2camp you got a good point that I did not take into account , I know how bad some teachers can be in this country...

"mom, what's a little f*&^%er"? and this isn't sex ed :/

No, it's not, that's why I wrote about how sex ed is introduced on the playground - by the time they actually teach it, it's all about innuendo and giggling and insults.

I was introduced to sex ed in a girls bathroom in the 6th grade - by the time the schools actually taught it, it was too late. Not a one of us took it seriously.

My point is, no one solution is perfect - every single thing has advantages and disadvantages.

For now, at this point in time, we are comfortable with our decision. You may not understand it, but don't give one single, 6-week subject like sex ed as a reason to institutionalize my child in the public school system for years and years.