No problems at school = not AS?

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My daughter (6), seems to have no real problems at school.
She talks excessively, but other than that her teachers have been surprised with her diagnosis.
In fact, everyone other than the other mothers has been surprised. For years they've thought she was perfectly fine and that it was just my bad parenting that was the problem, despite my having done a number of parenting courses/classes and consulting a number of 'experts' with no real resolution to anything.

Do AS children always have trouble at school? Hannah only plays with a select group of people, and usually it's a small group of one or two, and every few days she comes home in tears because they don't want to be her friends anymore. She says she spends some lunch hours just reading her dinosaur books.

Should the school have been consulted before a diagnosis was made? Or should I just be thankful for the fact that all she does at school is talk non-stop?

I don't think a diagnosis of AS automatically means a child will have a myriad of problems at school. Also defecits can be less noticeable in younger kids. Girls are also supposed to be able to compensate for the effects of AS better than boys can.

I wasnt diagnosed until I was 19. Everyone including my parents couldnt believe my diagnosis. It is only through talking to them and letting time pass that I was able to convince them that the diagnosis was correct.

Hannah's behaviour with other kids sounds like typical AS behaviour. AS kids often want friendships, but find it easier to deal with small groups or play by themselves aside from other children.

I would not at this point be questioning the diagnosis. Put your faith in the medical professionals. They know that every person with AS is totally different. The stereotypes surround AS can cause doubt and confusion in many people close to those with AS.

Don't all kids have the problems/traits that you describe?

-Watch an episode of the simpsons - take note of the class.... there is diversity!
-Southpark is also a good example of diversity


...shame on the world for labelling the child in the class for being different....which seems to be a Problem here in the lucky country.. where if a kid is seen to excell, they are held back, if they are failing, then they are not specially helped.

I've read that girs both present differently and can cope bette with certain situations. Hannah is a very emotional child. Last week a child introduced her to a new slang term - Hannah didn't know what it meant, but it made the other kids laugh so she kept using it, even after being asked repeatedly by the teacher to stop; she did eventually but it didn't really sink in apparantly. When I asked her about it after school, instead of telling me anything, she just burst into uncontrollable crying and told me she didn't like school and never wanted to go back. She is so highly-strung it is hard to get her to function after she realises that she's done the wrong thing.

I am finding the AS stereotypes to be the thing that has me second guessing myself in regard to her behaviours etc. I keep thinking 'is it all just me? is it all in my mind?' and then she'll do something, and I'll be reassured, and then I go back to questioning it because he acts so much like an NT child sometimes...as long as I make sure the house is quiet, calm, keep her diet right, and make sure that not too much interferes with her latest obsession (right now it is the Nintendo DS game, Animal Crossing - last week it was book club, the three months before that it was Age of Empires on the PC).

I think I'm driving myself crazy (or crazier) because she doesn't fit the stereotype...and most of the stereotypes are boys!

I still think that way about myself. It is very hard not to. Try not to dwell on the fact is all i can suggest.

As for your daughters reactions to noticing shes done the wrong thing I dont think there is much you can do. Maybe just give her space, Let her play nintendo or whatever she likes for a while. This type of down time is important to AS folks, to think and to comprehend the events of the day. After this calmly and reassuringly speak to her by herself at a quiet time. Also if you are told something about school that you feel you should talk to her about I think it would be best to leave it for a few hours after she arrives home. Time at home is generally expected to be a release for AS kids. They look forward to it whilst at school. If it is not relaxed then the routine the child has set up in his/her mind has become interrupted and that can cause further frustration.

Thanks for the tip. I've noticed that just bringing her straight home for some time out seems to lessen the struggles to come (ie: dinner, homework, bath, bed). i give her a good 2 hours to watch the TV or play her nintendo, or jump on the trampoline talking to herself and shrieking and yelling...what a release that must be! Scares my elderly neighbours!

I'm trying to be mindful of her latest interests/obsessions without letting her get too out-of-control. She seems to settle into the school routine, as long as she can talk of course.

Work with her, love her, support her. I know you do or you ouldn't be here.

Your daughter sounds like me. Of course, everyone just thought I was weird or difficult. I remember begging kids to play with me and being told no, I ask too much. I remember wanting to go to school in the morning and coming home in tears. I even stopped going to Church because of the bully that went there. Also getting egged on to say "Chuck, Chuck, bo Buck, banana fana fo. . ." and then getting in trouble at home without being told what it was I said wrong.

I disagree that girls "cope" better, we just hide a lot more and the quieter we are, the more people think we are okay.

I'm female and never had much trouble at school, either. At first I was a loner, but then realized that I needed friends, so I decided to be like NTs. I studied their behaviors, accepted some of their ways and rejected most, and then "scripted" conversations and such. I discovered how easy it was to be liked by following a certain script, and I soon had friends.

However, the *real* friends were few and far in between. My best friend had traits similar to mine, though she didn't hide them as well, and so we were two odd kids together.

At home I was my true self - moody, loner, daydreaming, fantasy world - and my mother could never figure out why I was so nice around others and so crappy around her. Just recently I told her it wasn't anything personal. Since having a child diagnosed with AS, I have been more open with her about what was going on with me when I was a kid.

I wish you all the best with your little girl!

I have Aspergers and I wasn't diagnosed until age 14, in elementary school I had very few problems. I will say that I played mostly alone or with 1 or 2 friends or with kids a few grades under me. I had serious problems from middle school onward.

I think she sounds like an Aspie. Remember that Aspie traits are often missdiagnosed as "other" conditions. It is good that she seems to be more or less fitting in though, hopefully it bodes well for a less problematic future. That said, being aware of the Aspie in her is very important. To turn away from the diagnosis will cause problems if indeed she is an Aspie in the future. I know with my son, I thought he might be an Aspie at 6/7 years of age, all the medical professionals told me no, he would be "much worse" if he was, just give him time...

For years, I struggled with knowing something was wrong, I homeschooled 4 years because he was so emotionally shreaded and failed grade 2 so badly, showing no improvment, only regression the first term second time around. I knew something was not "right" with certain behaviors and it caused huge problems in my head. I could not help but wondering "what is wrong with you" or try to "fix" him. This was something my mother did with me, and well, I know how well it worked for me!

Getting the "lable" a few months ago, has been a huge relief! Finally, there is no more questioning what is going on, there is no more blaming him, there is no more trying to "fix" him. He is what he is, I am what I am, and there is nothing wrong with that!

Good luck

I go through the same thing.... my 9 year old daughter is mostly fine at school, she is academically way ahead of all her classmates. Which adds to her boredom of school, but we did not move her up because of the social aspect. She only has a few friends (the 2nd and 3rd academically in her grade), she wants and tries to have more, but finds it difficult to understand them. I have read that it is quite different for girl aspies than boys, and in our case harder to diagnose. Because female peers are more nurturing and forgiving and often the AS (neg. traits) have been soothed before a problem arises.
Mine is better at school because of the structure. We can just this year handle having a substitute without prior knowledge. At home it is much different, we have 5 kids, and teenagers with friends over a lot, so I am really relieved that she is good at school.
I do feel sad for her when she tells me she doesn't play at recess, but I let her bring her toys to school, so she can occupy herself when she just doesn't have the energy to handle playing with someone else.
She does play soccer and softball, and every year adjusting to the new kids is a struggle but, it really helps her self confidence.

I'm sorry to say this, but her problems will likely compound, especially in middle school when kids are at their best at excluding and bullying. Why should you consult the school except to make sure they are providing the correct support?

My AS son talked non-stop until about the 4th grade. Then he became self-aware and depressed.

AS is not difficult to diagnose in small children if the diagnosis is made using a team approach. My son was diagnosed with AS 15 years ago, when it was practically unknown, by an astute psychologist. He had previously been diagnosed as PDD-NOS. He was always interested in cars and would read car books at school.

I would be very careful about taking advice from anyone who has recently "discovered" AS or had a child recently diagnosed. Only when you live with it for a long period of time can you see the full impact of being as being different as we are.

I'd agree with SeriousGirl, although perhaps with a more open idea about the future.

When they're 6 and jump up and down every time they get excited, it's cute. When they're 14 and do it, they're a stimming oddball.

Things will be a lot clearer as she gets older, some unusual traits she will outgrow (or conceal in response to social pressure), others may be much more stubborn. And new ones which you haven't seen yet will probably crop up.

Relax, be a good parent, and give it a few years. You'll have a better idea of what you're dealing with then. The problems may be bigger than you think, or they may not, it's just too early to know for sure.

My son has no issues in school. He was academically behind but has caught up. The school actually hired Emory University Autism Department to come in and do a study on him. The school system needed it for their own verification I guess. Well of course the report came back that he had all the traits, so it wasn't until then that they believed me I feel. However the school psychologist still feels that my son does not have AS but just ADHD. Of course she is not at home with him when he has a meltdown or can't get himself under control.

I just feel that all kids are so different that not every one is going to have issues at school.

Leslie

The problems in school are not so much the academics, but the socialization issues. My son was so far ahead that he skipped the 7th grade. The problems are bullying and ostracism by the other students and sometimes insensitive teachers.