Could my son have autism?

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I have 4 kids ranging from 7 months to 6 years old. My oldest, though, has always been very different than the others. He gets very easily frustrated. The littlest things will set him off into a tandrum/meltdown. He also will fixate on something. Like the other day he wanted the door open (or more like a need to him). He could not focus on anything other than making sure that door stayed open despite it needing to be closed. I tried pulling him aside and calming him down and trying to send him to his bed just to take a breather, but it only escalated. Eventually my 2 year old touched the door and he then shoved my toddler down. I'm not sure how to explain how it is, but once he fixated on something, it is like he has a fear that something will happen if (such as the door incident) that door closes.

We have certain rules in our household for the children (such as no taking toys, no violent actions of any degree, and such), but it just doesn't click for him like our other children. We are working with our pediatrician now since school work has become almost impossible, and we just don't understand how he has much more tantrums than his younger siblings does put together. Right now the pediatrician is having us take a journal of anything big or small about him. So far she has noticed anxiety symtoms already (and has for awhile). But we have another 2 months before she said we will go into it in more depth. At this point, I feel like we are breaking my son's spirit, though. I just don't know how to parent him especially since I have know idea what is wrong. He just started speaking in 3rd person a couple days ago also. I know my doctor is looking into anxiety more in depth with him and kind of hunted at OCD, but someone else mentioned autism and I was just curious if this sounds anything like it. Any suggestions? Does this sound like autism at all? Thanks!

nice series, some examples and differences
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7tBAsKKMf7U

I get the feeling anxiety might be the answer to all this.

And maybe a little stubbornness (perhaps related to the anxiety).

I'm not an expert--but I don't see autism in your description.

You mentioned that he started speaking in the third person, though.

Has he attained his milestones at the "normal" ages?

Actually, I'm wondering if there are things you haven't mentioned. Is he quite sensitive when you put him in a shower? Does he not like to get dressed in the morning? If so, then he might oversensitive in a sensory sense.

How is he about playing? Does he play "pretend games?" Or does he just line up toys? If he just lines up toys, that's a sign of autism (though it's still not definite that he's autistic if he shows this).

Only an appropriately-trained and licensed mental-health practitioner can know for sure. Seek out the services of at least one such individual. We're all just a bunch of amateurs here. Good luck.

***

T minus 86 and counting.

Yeah, there is many things I didn't mention.

-he is very sociable awkward to the point of embarrassing. I can see people looking at him as if something is wrong.
-he is always sticking out his tongue. Especially in public
-funny you should mention the whole shower thing. For about two full years, I would have to put him in the shower kicking and screaming. It was like there was a fear or something.
-he didnt walk or crawl till 14 months
-his speech was delayed, but I worked with him all day everyday. Sign language seemed to really help until he was able to talk.
-he has never had an imagination (I always thought it was because he was a boy) and he would always line his cars up.
-he sucked his fingers till 3 years old
-whenever he is out in a class and the kids are singing or dancing, he just stands there and watches
-he goes crazy if something is loud or is something feels weird (like a clothing)
-he never seems to understand the social ques of other kids such as when they want hime to stop doing something
-has tandrums over the smallest things despite consistent discilping.

Those are to just name a few. I am seeking the help from my doctor, but I just want some ideas. It is just so hard to wait at least 2 more months when it seems like he is getting worse and almost seems like his spirit is getting broke .

The rigid rules of someone with autism can seem just like obsessive compulsive disorder. But, in my experience, someone with autism can be distracted with a "shiny new toy" while someone with OCD cannot.

http://psychcentral.com/lib/ocd-and-distraction/
Also, while you think you may be able to theoretically remove a compulsion, like living in a house with no doors, in practice some other equally debilitating compulsion will replace it.

To complicate matters you can have both autism and OCD.

Last edited by BTDT on 02 Aug 2016, 10:55 am, edited 1 time in total.

I was just recalling how literal he is about everything. I always thought it was funny (in a good way). For example, we made a box into a boat. My daughter was calling a box, but my son kept getting upset with her saying that it is a box. Everytime she called it a boat he would get more and more upset with her until he had a meltdown. He is still literal. He makes sure to let his siblings or others know when something is real or not. He always has to let anyone know.

This is very interesting. When I first was pregnant with him many years ago I remember reading that if a toddler is getting into something, you should always first try and distract him with something he loves. With my son, though, that NEVER worked. He was focused on whatever he was getting into and it didn't matter what I said or did, he wouldn't stop. I would always have to put him in time out. My other two kids I can/could easily distract. Most of the time all I would have to say would be, "Look, kitty (or ball)!" and they would turn around and go pet our cat. With my 6 year old, that is still true today. I try to send him to his room for a breather before he gets too fixated, but no matter how early in the game it is, he still has a massive tandrums as soon as I take him away from whatever he was focusing on. I keep being told to put him in his bed for a breather, but initially it makes it a ton worse. He kicks, screams, and yells. He has even bit his bed several times.

Autism diagnoses keep getting shifted, almost like musical chairs. Your son sounds a lot like me when I was a kid. During the early 90's, I was diagnosed with ADD and given Ritalin, to little avail. About a decade later, the diagnosis changed to "Asperger's," which came too late, as I already bore the damage from constant Ritalin use. Now, in past years, it has changed to ASD - a much better umbrella term. Except, it includes multiple disorders and differences in thinking.

If your son had "classical" autism, it would likely manifest earlier, and the tantrums would be so extreme that multiple parents would have to hold him down. In more severe cases, he would be a danger to himself and others.

If it was simply a behavioral problem, the other kids would likely be showing some signs too.

If it was "pervasive disintegration disorder," he would be gradually losing his ability to speak.

The social awkwardness and obsessive behavior fits perfectly with Aspergers, except Aspergers is no longer a diagnosis. This means he currently classifies as ASD. The OCD, on the other hand, is likely a symptom of his unique thinking pattern. Your doctor is great for getting you to write things down, instead of just reaching for his prescription pad. I am guessing he is hesitant to give your son a label? This is also great, as Dr. Temple Grandin describes in her book "The Autistic Brain," where she discourages what is known as "label-locked thinking." Just, rest assured, it probably is not autism. In any case, you'll want a written diagnosis, and as much knowledge as humanly possible on how to integrate your son with the world in the years that follow. In his adulthood, if this condition hasn't mitigated completely, his employers are likely going to want something in writing. Especially with literal thinking, because the social norms of our society don't make much room for that.

Even in school, he will need a diagnosis, so that he can get longer time limits on exams. Anyone with a condition like this is going to have pervasive difficulty with work and school, and staying focused on a task, especially if it's a task he's not crazy about (like an exam). ADD, OCD, and PTSD believe it or not, will be possible symptoms that can undoubtedly arise with whatever this condition is. All in all, we are gradually coming away from calling these things disorders, as it more and more seems that it's just a different type of brain function and thinking than what the majority are accustomed to. The social awkwardness and literal thinking are hallmarks of this, and will need to be adapted, even for things as simple as a birthday party. (Those were traumatic for me, and I think I remember crying when they sang for me).

I'm sorry I don't have a doctorate to back up any of this. Maybe show some of this thread to your doctor. If this condition doesn't improve, you're going to find that you'll stop at almost nothing to help your child integrate with the world. From everything I learned in psych 1 & 2, the ages between 1 and 8 are the most crucial times for learning fundamental social skill. And his being the oldest is likely to give him some natural dominance in the first place, which helps explain his need for autonomy over something as simple as doors, toys, and yes, even cardboard boxes. He's right. It is still a box. Gradually, he will have to learn that it is both a box and a boat. Pushing the toddler is a hallmark example of his need for autonomy, which most theorists would associate with a missing milestone, either Piaget or Freud. From what I gather, this is not your fault at all. It is likely a neurological factor as well as something that happened in his environment, and possibly continues to happen. Not necessarily abuse, or bullying, but definitely something. It also reeks of PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder.)

I greatly appreciate you coming to this forum, and I'm sorry if I came across like a know-it-all.

Sincerely,
John Tyner

I agree with John 35. He seems like he might have "high-functioning" autism or Asperger's, based on what you wrote.

Obviously, in order to really determine this, he should get diagnosed by a psychologist/psychiatrist, preferably one who specializes in autism.

It sounds like it could be autism, but of course we don't know.

If your main concern is that you feel like you are losing time while you wait, there are many things that you can at home to help your son.

The main thing is to pinpoint the things you think are your son's biggest challenges, and maybe try some of the strategies that are suggested for kids with autism. Even with a diagnosis, there is a good deal of trial and error, and there is no reason why you could not try it now, in the instances where standard operating procedure for parenting does not work.

If your child has sensory issues, for example, they don't go away even if your child is not diagnosed. So, regardless of if there is a diagnosis, you will have to try trial and error for things that don't respond to normal parenting anyway. Any parenting strategy that is unsafe for an NT child, is likely to be unsafe for an autistic child as well, and just something promoted by hucksters and whackadoodles.

Definitely enough there to warrant an assessment. You should write down all the symptoms you've posted here, along with anything else unusual you've noticed about him, and give the list to your pediatrician. Tell him/her you're wondering if it's autism.

Thanks everyone! My husband and I really feel relieved that we may have figured this out! We have been reading some things and even have watched a few YouTube videos of mid to high-functioning autistic children. It just seems to fit him and everything we have been through since he was born. I cannot wait to see his pediatrician to talk to her about this in another month!

Look up YouTube "Temple Grandin." Any of her lectures.

Thanks! I watched a couple of them so far. It just all makes sense now. He has always been my little engineer. Very smart when it comes to that! In fact at age 4 I put him in an engineering camp and he got first place against 3rd graders almost every time. But when it comes to everything else, he has zero interests, especially sports. A typical boy loves sports and all our son wants to do is come up with another contraption. It always has been hard for him socially since not only is he very socially awkward, but he also refuses (has no interest) to play sports with them which is what almost every boy wants to do.

So far, my understanding of Dr. Grandin's recommendations: don't sit him in front of a TV for too long. Definitely keep giving him hands-on experience. Remember his skin sensitivity. I don't recommend summer camps, and I don't think she would either. Home-schooling would be an option, especially if you learned more than the common doctor knows about this spectrum (which admittedly is not much). Large groups of people are a no, and things that would be a joy to most children will probably not be a joy to him. (I.e., me sobbing my eyes out at a birthday party because I don't know why they are singing.) Again, I'm sorry for my bluntness, and thank you so much for your understanding. I truly wish more parents were just like you.