help! teenage son being awkward during quarantine

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so its the 3 of us cooped up together , me,my husband and my 14 y/o
i have to self isolate and sometimes have meltdown because im missing my usual routine of going to work as a bus driver but i sit in the garden shed to calm myself

my husband is actually taking this rather well but my son is being difficult,he can be so sulky because he cant see his friends and ii have limited his time on social media so that he can get on with his school work his teachers send him but he thinks I'm being unfair by doing that
but
i dont think I m being unfair because he has to do his work and i tell him he can play videogames and face time his mates after hes done his school work but he still thinks im being unfair

when hes bored me and my husband offer to do things like play board games or some other activity with him but he thinks it's babyish so i tried t get him into baking but he says no

what are people supposed to do with a surly teenager during these weeks and months of having no freedom ???

I’m sorry you’re going through this.

Your son is old enough to know that this is a medical emergency, and that he must cooperate with you and his dad, and consider the stress you are all going through.

He is lucky he is not living pre-Internet. He has lots of resources he can use from it.

Also, lots of shows on TV.

Has he been able to go to school via computer or tablet?

Kids can do many things at once and can successfully do homework, play a game, talk to their friends, all at once with many tabs open on the computer. I know - my boys did it for years. At least give him a chance to prove himself to you and maybe have a little peace in the house. If you think the homework will take an hour give him three to complete it, and allow the multi-tasking. If he doesn't take it seriously feel free to go back to how it is now. Set a rule and a consequence to breaking it.
A teenager needs some freedom to figure things out on his own, and to be treated a little more like a man each year. He won't screw up any more than you did at his age, let him make some minor mistakes so he can learn from them.

A surly teenager? Shocking!

Seriously, he should be thankful this is 2020. If this had occurred in the past, he'd have had nothing to do but read. As it is, he can read, play board games, watch TV and movies, use the Internet, chat online with friends, play computer games...and study. No excuse for being bored...unless you're a surly 14-year-old.

You might be able to get him to spend sometime outside the real world. Asperger people can often loose themselves in worlds of fiction or movies. This might be an opportunity to explore worlds with which he might not be familiar. If he does not like to read a book like "Citizen of the Galaxy" by Heinlein, it can be downloaded as an audio book from Youtube.

He might wish to explore a musical instrument or teach himself card tricks. The development of new skills can be a useful way to use extra time.

Just outright ask him what he's interested in. That we have time now to explore something new, that you can help guide him and maybe lay out a little cash to help him pursue his interest. Then give him some time to think about. Tell him to see you when he's ready to discuss it.
You might be surprised at his answer. Heck - even if it is a game, many games can teach skills. Negotiating, math, reading, memory, coordination, persistence, possibly even develop an interest in programming. I have a physicist son who memorized the original 151 pokemon, in order, without looking at a poster or anything, at age 8 or so. Obsessions aren't necessarily a bad thing. And if you learn a little about his interest you can have something to talk about, and eventually he might talk to you about something personal again.
Having everybody eat at the table together as a family helps too. I always found when I asked about my kids interests at bedtime, or asked about homework at bedtime they would talk just so they could stay up later. And I pretended not to notice the time. But your boy is 14, the last few suggestions might not work now.

Hi Carrie - I'm unsure whether or not your son is on the spectrum. Regardless, there's been a loss of routine, people and setting and life has literally been turned upside down. For all of you. Try not to be too hard on yourselves. It's not easy. I'm glad that you have your SheShed to give yourself time to destress and breathe for a bit from the stress. (I have one too).

Routine is often the best antidote to behavioural issues that can come about due to change, and 14 year olds are going to be challenging at times. That goes with the territory of being a teenager generally, though not in all cases. You're not being unreasonable to expect that your son complete any schoolwork on schedule. It might be helpful to provide incentive for completion of work by the week's end. I made sure to do this with my children/teens as I knew it was doing them a disservice by NOT teaching them that no matter what, whatever task was set, that it would be completed. It doesn't matter if the task takes an extra day or two or three to complete, but ensuring that it is completed, that tasks/work is followed through with from start to finish, teaches valuable lessons.

This situation is testing for everyone, especially for families with children and teens. They will test you at intervals, as they need to know you'll remain in control and can be counted on, when all else around them seems out of control. It was lovely to read that you play board games etc together and have quality family time together. Hang in there. You are likely doing a better job of it than you know.

my son is neurotypical but is not the brightest of kids and and his only interests is skateboarding at the park with his friends.not being able to do his usual social enjoyment is getting t him and he says hes sick of being stuck in the bungalow with old people (thats what he calls my and my husband
my husband isnt his real dad just his stepdad
I was going to send him over his dads to live this pandemic out but his dad lives a way away and the government has banned people from staying at there second home for some weird reason

IDk I am not a parent but I would maybe gently encourage them to finish their school work. But I would not restrict facetime with their friends. LIke its a weird time its kind of understandable if some kids struggle with the school work during this but they should still be able to talk to their friends even if they do get behind. Like its a difficult time for anyone so I personally think if during this time your kid is struggling to keep up their grades they need more understanding and support. Like most of us my age have not struggled with a pandemic like this before and so it's reasonable if kids are stressed about it to and it could affect their school work. LIke they have no idea how this is going to play out, they may be afraid too of what is to come. So I just feel its almost cruel to expect kids to just go on like nothing is happening, like they are probably freaked out and scared about this to so I feel like ....give kids some slack its a weird time for them to. This is not the time to be punishing your kid because they got a b or a c instead of the A you wanted for yourself.

Like maybe your son is having a hard time because of the over-all weird situation. I personally don't think limiting his face time till after he does all his schoolwork is the best approach Like people can get depressed and have a hard time doing what is expected in that stage. So I would recommend instead of just seeing it as bad behavior mabye try to talk to him and see what is going on before making a bunch of archaic restrictions to try to force them to do what you want. LIke Idk give him like an hour where he should work on school stuff but then give him some free time to do what he wants on his console, talk to friends or whatever. And understand maybe due to stress and things they may have a hard time keeping up every single grade in every class...I say give them a little slack and don't ground them severely just because they didn't make the A in their class.

But yeah during a worldwide pandemic I could see how a kid might get kind of depressed of the situation so to me seems a little unfair that they have to complete all assignments and school work before even having the chance to socialize which you control so if you don't deem he did enough schoolwork...your just like 'nope no social interactions or anything unless you complete every last bit of schoolwork first.' That is f*****g depressing like give the kid a little slack, its a pandemic they dno't have to be perfect but could maybe still use a tiny bit of interaction.

no need to swear , i was homeschooled at his age and im just doing what my tutor did with me yes i know it was the 80s and we had no internet and stuff but it was still work then play i mean the parents are now expected to take charge of their childrens education during this pandemic and we are not all qualified teachers we are just doing what we think is right
plus im autistic and my husband is bpd and nvld so it's like two non nt adults one nt child
he actually gets more time to do his enjoyment than his school work but i read on a parent website on how to home educate your kids during the pandemic is to set limits to make sure your kids still have routine and structure rather than letting them do what they want when they want because if my son had his way he wont do his assigned home work at all

I know how you feel. I'm in quarantine with a grouchy partner who won't stop going out to the store to get cigarettes even though he should be self-isolating because he's classed as vulnerable to COVID-19. Each time I help him in any way, it stirs up an argument so I've just got to keep quiet now and sit back and watch him kill himself.

Whichever strategy you decide to give him he will say "it's so unfair!" because most teenagers think everything their parents say is 'unfair'.

I can think of one particular activity a very bored 14 year old boy might indulge in to alleviate boredom that he might be hesitant to do because he has his mother and stepfather somewhat too close for comfort...

He needs trains! It kept me in a mind of my own for years and I am still thinking about them.

Just a little note. It maybe an idea not to put a date of birth on your thingies... Just incase.

Make your son volunteer at soup kitchen

That will improve his resume

And give him perspective and job skills

Expand comfort zone

Think outside the box

If he's under quarantine, I think working in a soup kitchen might be a little unfeasable.