my son wants to go clubbing

Post Reply New Topic

he is 17 and you cant get into clubs until your 18 but his friends all want to go clubbing this friday for one of their 17th birthday

they want to look older by not shaving although my son is still going through puberty and doesnt need to shave yet as he is sort of blondish

i have a feeling they will get asked their id then get thrown out

should i explain this to him or should i just let him find out for themselves ?

Kids who try to grow beards and mustaches.....usually look like they're kids. I should know. I did the same thing.

I would tell my son that a pub or wherever might not serve them if they're under 18. The pub server or owner might get into trouble.

ERM I think he'll probably get in. I did at that age most of the time

If it was me, I would share my opinion, but not force the natural conclusion of that opinion onto him. In other words, tell him why I think the idea is a fail, but also tell him that if he insists on trying it I won't stop him, but he'll need a back up plan in place should I be proven to be right. Also note not all the youth may encounter the same result, so they need a plan for that, as well. This assumes the worst that can happen is he gets asked to leave the club; I don't know the laws and consequences where you live. If he could get arrested or face other stronger consequences then a stronger position is warranted.

In the UK? He might just get in. In the US? probably not. But it really comes down to your son. Can he handle a worse-case scenario? IN the UK, some clubs allow 17 year olds if they are accompanied by someone of legal age. Clubs try to be careful and not serve alcohol to anyone under age, and are pretty careful about it. Your child could be fined if they are caught breaking the law, and there isn't a preset limit on those fines. - something to consider.

As someone who was once young enough to go clubbing, I will say one thing: clubbing for someone in your son's demographic and situation is an AWFUL idea! First of all, what does he expect from going to a club? Is it supporting the birthday boy? Is it hanging out with his group of friends? Is it listening to dance music and/or enjoying the flashing lights? Is it dancing with girls? Get an answer from him, and guide him accordingly.

Another thing: Have you heard of the Red Pill? Has your son? It's that theory about sexual competition among humans, basically. Well, clubs are the Red Pill on steroids! They're full of aggressive guys and very snooty girls. As a result, hormones and frustrations run high, and only the sexiest of the sexiest guys have a chance of dancing with a girl; the rest get thrown aside. (Well, at least in American clubs; I know from experience.)

Also, how is your son's sensory tolerance? Can he cope with hours of loud music, flashing lights, dense crowds, rude bouncers, guys messing with him, girls rejecting him, etc? Will his friends be good sports about getting him out of there if he's overwhelmed or gets messed with, or will they just leave him to his own devices? What's his backup or contingency plan if one of those things happens? Will he feel comfortable approaching bouncers for help, the very employees who often mistreat timid guys? Or conversely, will be have the shrewdness to push back without crossing the line if a bouncer decides to mess with him for a cheap thrill?

P.S.: I read a conspiracy theory somewhere that clubs deliberately create a hostile environment, both physically and socially, in order to push people into spending money on alcohol to dull their senses and not just bolt out of the club. Think about THAT!

Last edited by Aspie1 on 22 Sep 2022, 6:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

um well i think his sensory tolerance is ok but he isnt autistic like you assumed so i dont know..

my son is quite shy around girls but social and wants to do things his friends are doing like most teenagers do

im at the stage where i dont want my baby boy to grow up but you cant stop your child growing up

at least i care about him more than my mum cared about me and so im sure my boy wont make the same mistake i did when i was his age

thats a funny thought about creating a stressful environment so people drink

i would imagine he's going to try to have a snog with a girl

Well, in that case, one thing I'd tell you to do is urge your son to take dance lessons, dances like swing or Latin. (They're pretty popular in the US; I don't know about the UK.) I took my dance first lesson around age 20, and it was literally the best decision I ever made; everyone was very friendly and patient with my lack of skills.

It made it incredibly easier to interact with girls/women. Even though I couldn't seduce them---I was too ugly to do that---I could get them to react positively to me by doing a good job dancing with them. If your son is shy around girls, having a "backup skill" like swing dancing will give him an easy way to break the ice and the touch barrier along with it. (That said, swing is mostly a prerogative of the older crowd like me; Latin might be more popular with younger people.)

he is out on the town now as we speak so its a bit late to get him to do dance classes which i dont think he would anyway

i will let you know how he got on

Well, I didn't mean take dance lessons to prepare for that night. I meant take dance lessons to prepare for life's socializing in general. It takes at least a few months of regular practice to get passably decent at a particular dance, and about a year to get actually good at it. Watching YouTube won't cut it; he has to practice dancing with live women. Luckily, most dance schools let people come alone, and have them rotate partners frequently throughout the class.

Even so, I was floored by how much better girls/women responded to me when I got good at dancing. I'm pretty sure it'll be the same for your son. Swing and most Latin dances run in 4/4 time, and so does most pop music. So if your son learns to follow the rhythm of those dances, he'll have an easy time freestyle dancing.

I look forward to hearing how things went for your son. I remember being his age and wanting to go clubbing too.

As someone who's bartended for several years in the past, 100% I'd tell him and his friends not to disrespect the bar/club like that as they'd be putting the club's $M licence at risk. If they got caught with even one under age patron, never mind a whole party, liquor inspectors would shut them down for the next 3 most profitable days and they'd have a black mark against their name. The dipshit kids would all be banned from the club for probably life, and word would spread to other clubs about them.

Teenagers sneaking into bars was a thing my parents' generation did when it wasn't that big of deal over 50 years ago. But today? There's way too much money on the line. Wait until your 19th birthday like everyone else here. (or 18 if you live in Alberta or Quebec etc.)

That's Canada, in the UK its not enforced much.

I hope his experience was a good one Caz72. Please let us know when you have a minute.

he isnt that into dancing and he isnt that desperate for a girlfriend..he is only 17 im sure theres plenty of time for him to find one

they didnt go into clubbing in the end.i dont know why.tgey ended up getting a short bus ride to the promenade at the seaside and went into some sort of nightclub there that was for over 13

then he stayed at his best friends which i knew he was going to

but looks like they had a nice night whatever and he seemed ok when he came home this morning

I assume they were out til very late because he has been asleep all afternoon

Well that sounds like an even better time.

I bet you're glad he's home safe and sound.

My daughter is 30 so a lot older than your son. She does have autism and she goes out quite a lot. I don't think I'll ever not worry about her.

It's not so much the pubs and clubs where she goes because I know she's with friends but I worry more about her getting home when it's 2 or 3am, especially when she goes into the city centre.

She makes enough noise when she gets in though to let me know she's quite safe. I found her asleep on the bathroom floor one time.