Quirky kid does/does not = "Regular" High School

Post Reply New Topic

Hello.

I'm in a bit of a quandry. Kiddo wants to go to high school. Real high school. He thinks.

He spent K-2 in foreign schools, and 3 in a really cool private place. Four was the nightmare year at a local school. Five through eight has been with me (holed up in the bad neighborhood with a computer and a bunch of books).

Call me the unintentional homeschooler.

*Actually, you can call me anything you want, but if you hijack my thread into your own personal crusade about how one type of schooling is SOOOOO much better than any other, I'm going to go all "runnin' to a moderator" on you.

Back to my story.

Kiddo loved his foreign experience. Ditto for the private year. He is still scarred from the generalized nastiness of the "bad" school. After a (very) rocky start, he has really settled in to homeschooling. He is far beyond where me and hubby were at his age (heck, he was ahead of me at 3...). And therein lies the problem: he has determined that "most people are stupid".

<sigh>

Hubby says that I am sowing the seeds of discontent, feeding into kiddo's fears of high school... but I can't disagree with the poor kid! Do adolescents generally behave in an idiotic manner? Yes. Are they like those kids you saw on that Dateline special about kids and their wireless/virtual world? Yes. Do they eat their young (eg other kids who are 'different')? Um, yeah. ::raises hand::

Am I projecting my own, miserable adolescence as a quirky teen onto my quirky kid? Of course I am. Does that make me feel any more secure about sending him into what I view as a gaping pit? No.

He is polite. He is well spoken. He dresses... how he wants. Hey, he showers without being told (now)! He gets along great... with adults. And small children (he's a great babysitter). He wants to have friend. Yes, friend. Singular. The last one moved.

I don't know what is the most terrifying for me - the idea that someone will stomp on his soul, that he won't be able to navigate the whole locker/room A/room B thing, or that he will just be... lost - because there won't be any visuals, and math doesn't make sense when it's in a big chunky book.

Help.


2

Anyone want to respond when you see this attitude??

Sure. Why not?

I've read through the boards here. There are very passionate people, with very passionate opinions. And there are, from what I've seen, some very wise people who have experienced having their spectrum child go through various types of schooling.

I'm certain that someone here will have some knowledge to impart about guiding a child through the process of deciding what is the best schooling "fit" without resorting to a "there is only one way" approach.


2

If he goes to school and does not like it, the option to go back to homeschooling is still available.

Number_2,

My children are primary school but I have friends with highschool age Aspies.

There is one highschool that is particulary flexible and creative with their approach to education. My friend's 16 year old Aspie son attends this school.

He performs most of his work independently in the computer lab. He doesn't have to attend school 5 days per week. He is free to leave the classroom at anytime to go to the SEC for respite from sensory overload.

He exchanges e-mails with his teachers regularly when he needs support. He is doing extremely well - getting top marks in many subjects.

I'm rambling on. The point I'm trying to make is it depends on the school. If you can find a highschool that is willing to be creative and flexible, highschool could work for your son.

There's also options for part-time schooling / homeschooling.

Last year I part-time homeschooled my 2 Aspie sons. They went to school 4 days/week and stayed home 1 day/week. I plan on cutting them back to 4 days/week in the next couple of weeks. (Long, boring story covered extensively on other threads)

My 9 year old is in a computer streamed class. His teachers are setting him projects that he can perform independently in the computer lab. He is able to work independently and is very bright + hard/working. This is why the teachers are willing to do this.

My long-term plans for my sons are flexible: I think it will probably continue to be limited their schooling to 3 - 4 days per week.

Do you know other parents with highschool Aspie kids? If you ask around you can find out which schools will work with you and your son to give him the best environment for him.

Helen

Although my parents tried through private schools, they couldn't protect my sister and me from the big bad world forever. After I got used to it, I actually LIKED the public school better than I liked the private ones. There was much less of the "I'm special" attitude, or the "My parents make me go here because I'm trouble" profile. Your son might actually find a friend no matter where he goes to school, and that helps make going to school enjoyable.

The above statement in no way represents the opinions of WrongPlanet, its founders, or affiliates. Void where prohibited.

Z

my hubby , who wasn't dxed until 3 years ago, made his way through regular high school. didn't like it much, but he survived. my son has just started going back to the district school after being outplaced for 3 years. perhaps you need to look at this as not having to be an all or nothing solution. my son only goes to the "regular high school" for 1 class. the rest of the day he spends at his therapeutic school. son's hope is that he'll be able to fully return to "regular high school" , and not go to the therapeutic school anymore...........my hope is for him to stay at the therapeutic school forever. at any rate, so far he's doing pretty good at the regular high school. some elevated anxiety, but seems to manageable so far..........the plan, if all continues to go well, is to slowly transition him back to district. this means that in the fall, he'll be going there for 1/2 days. if this goes well, then he'll eventually end up there all day.

I think your best bet for your teen Aspie is enrolling him in supplemental classes regardless if he stays at home or goes to public high school. An acquaintance of mine in California had a son (considered "high functioning" autistic, not Asperger's) who almost dropped out of high school. She enrolled him in a charter school (very small, like a cyber school) and got him in the community college so he could take classes in his special interests.
There were administrative problems (they didn't provide aides or accomodations) but he stuck with it and as a teen, is already working professionally in his special interest (photography w/ an emphasis on wildlife). It's boosted his self-esteem and kept him from being a drop out.


I don't see the harm in trying school if that's what he wants. My elementary years into my freshman year sucked big weenies because of the community I lived in. I begged for years to go to the city school. I wasn't allowed until I was a sophomore. Changing schools gave me a whole new perspective. Bigger was better because I had anonymity and more choice in classes. It was okay to hang out with teachers or nerds or whomever I wished. There were cliques but little pressure.

We can't really help but impose our views on our kids. You must be doing something right if he still wants to go despite being afraid of high school. Doing something that you're afraid of is really brave.

Thank you all for your kind replies.

I think I will go through each of them.

Matt: I have thought that very thing (PS -> HS). My only real concern there is that, as when he came back from 4th grade, I may have to "rebuild" a completely crushed kid. He was such a happy kid in 3rd grade, and so angry by the end of 4th, due to how the children had treated him. I have to remind myself, "The people will be older in 9th grade..."

Smelena: We are moving to a new place that has one (1!) high school. Hey, no panic there. Because it is, once again, abroad, I haven't had the opportunity to ask about him doing some work in a quiet place. That is a great idea that I honestly hadn't thought of (I know, duh). I have, however, considered some of those "high school by internet programs".

Zonder: That is my big hope, that he will "find his groove" and perhaps some people who share his interests (currently, serious engineering with Lego and anything to do with weather forcasting).

One of the options at this (1!) high school is to allow HS students to attend "part time", and also take part in extra-curricular activities. In my gut, I am thinking that this is where we will probably end up: sciences (especially labs), foreign language, and odds and ends where I have no skills (computer programming?) at the school, and maths, English, and history at home.

KimJ: It is funny that you mention supplemental classes. Last year, he was getting very anxious about "leaving 8th grade". When we finally sat him down to talk about it, we discovered that he didn't realize that high school came between grammar school and uni. He thought he was leaving home at 14! Poor kid.

I think he would greatly enjoy some college courses. I have never understood the American "Advanced Placement" courses... I would rather just pay the money and have him take the actual course - especially since many colleges won't accept those "AP" courses.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. The first challenge is high school. After that, we'll see where he wants to go.


Again, thank you all for your replies.


2

Having taken multiple AP courses, I'll say this: you don't necessarily have to take it for credit (if you'd rather not pay for the exam (which is required to get credit and determines how much colleges will give you), credit isn't possible; the exam is $83), and they're more challenging than regular courses. If there's a subject he's particularly interested in/good in, and he's willing/wants to work more on more advanced topics, AP will do that. They follow the same lessons that a lot of colleges do, and the test is designed to be sort of like a college exam in that subject. Depending on how the score on the test is (1 is the lowest, 5 the highest; most require at least a 3 to get a bit of credit), he may be able to skip that class completely or partially in college.
AP isn't for everybody though. It is a lot more work, and it moves fast; there's no time to stop and explain things. And some would just rather not do it, and that's fine too.

High school can be very tough, especially for some. However, there's always a chance that he'll enjoy it, that he'll make a friend there, that he'll do well; each person is different. It'd probably be best to try not to inject your fears and beliefs about it into him. If he goes in thinking everyone's his enemy, or that he's supposed to hate it, chances are it won't go as well as it might if he went in with an open mind.

If the school year doesn't go well, could you withdraw him partway through and return to homeschooling?

Rainsong -

First off - you have a wonderful signature.

I hear you on the not injecting fears part. I'm trying very hard to keep my mouth shut lately. As a child of the 70s-80s educational system (with accompanying dipwap classmates), that is not always easy. It is pretty bad when the comfort comes from "well, at least I wasn't ABA'd in the 60's...".

As far as I know, it will be possible to pull him out mid year if it all goes kablooey. I should probably check on that...

Gah.


2

I feel uniquely qualified to respond to this, since I did a year of homeschooling, went back to school and did a couple years of high school, then left without graduating to start college.

Easing-in and taking it slow are probably the best ways go go about this (and possibly the only way to do it successfully). I'd strongly suggest figuring out his weakest subjects and deciding if it's really best to send him to HS for those. If he's going to have a bad experience, at least academically, it would probably be in something he could struggle in rather than something that he's good at.

Alternatively, his strongest subjects maybe aren't a good choice to send him there either. Given the self-paced nature of homeschooling, he could find the classes at a regular HS to be absurdly repetitive and boring, even the "AP" or honors classes. High school classes, even the advanced ones, move at the pace of the slowest in the class, not even the average student.

I would definitely check to see if there are any repercussions from pulling him out of school at any time. You definitely don't want to have a situation where he has to leave and can't because it would leave him with F marks on the transcript if he does. I would say that it's almost essential that for (at minimum the first semester), he be able to leave if he wants.

If he doesn't have an IEP or something like that to help deal with any issues that come up, it's probably a good idea to investigate that. Who knows what kind of learning disabilities, organizational problems, or psychological issues can pop up unexpectedly and it's good to have the "machinery going" already, in some sense.



The only benefit to AP courses, as far as I can tell, is that college acceptance of AP credit tends to be more "standardized" in some sense. Like at my college, for example, you're allowed to use a limited number of AP classes in place of electives, and rarely, to waive prerequisites. However, at my school, community college classes transfer only on a case-by-case basis, and frequently don't end up with as much credit. And this varies wildly between colleges, some will accept ridiculous amounts of community college credit (more often so in state universities), some accept none. So it depends a bit on where he's targeting for college, if that's even on the radar at all at this point.

The way AP courses and college courses are organized is also very different. AP courses are still high school courses and run at a high school pace and still have highschool-ish things like busy work and pointless assignments. College classes tend to be straight-to-the-point and involve much more self-study and self-motivation. AP courses also tend to lack in content far behind similar 4-year university courses. Somehow, a two lecture a week semester-long calculus course at a university covers far more material than many year-long high school courses that meets 5 days a week.

So if you think he's ready for college-level work, and is a skilled self-studier as a homeschooler, then I strongly encourage looking into real college courses for his strongest areas. Of course, it depends very much on the quality of the college, the "fit", his ability to work independently on college level material, and whether it makes sense to attend potentially 3 different schools (homeschool, high school, college) at the same time.

Feel free to ask or PM any questions if you have any

Number_2, the best thing you can do is let him know that you KNOW he can do anything he wants to do and you know that he can fit in in high school or just have whatever experience there he wants to/plans on having, but that if he changes his mind he can always go back to the homeschooling program or take days off or whatever.

Thanks for the replies.

I read wolphin's post to him, and it seemed to make him more at ease. Even though I have repeatedly told him that part time 'regular' schooling was an option, he insisted he didn't know that until I read it to him.

<sigh>

Nothing like needing external confirmation for everything.

He said something quite funny today in regards to an NT kid he knows who is, frankly, destined for... oh don't get me started. This other kid has been homeschooled for not even a year, after having been in public and private schools. He is very behind, and his mother is trying to bring him up to grade level. Every day, he complains that he wants to go back to school so that "he can have more friends".

Kiddo says to me: "if this kid bothered to go to school to get an education, he could go farther in life and find a job/place where he felt comfortable/fit in and finding people to hang out with wouldn't be so difficult. Geez, I barely want to go to high school and I've even figured that out."

Heh.


2

Sounds like something my mom would say Honest, for some reason it just doesn't click Glad I was able to help, though.

If the school administrators are cooperative, I'd say there's absolutely no reason not to begin regular school at the pace that's most comfortable (and to be honest, conservative) Unfortunately school administrators can be super-difficult with this kind of thing sometimes. You should be able to figure out pretty fast if they're going to be helpful or not. Trusting your instincts can be good here

I sometimes joke that "hey, I haven't actually ever graduated from anything" when I'm doing things that bring it up, like filling out forms that ask for level of education, for some reason I find it really funny that "some high school", "some college", and "some graduate school" all apply to me but "high school graduate" or "college graduate" don't

Most Aspies come to this conclusion eventually. Which is interesting because a large number of Neurotypicals come to the same conclusion about Aspies. The mere fact that most Aspies tend to have very high IQs compared to NTs would probably suggest the Aspies are right but that would be hijacking your thread.

You are VERY unlikely to convince the Aspie he isn't smarter than everyone else if you are a NT. Aspies spend years trying to understand how NTs minds work and how to affect them. NTs generally spend little or no time trying to figure out how Aspies minds work. Even if you are as smart as him your arguments won't work.

So do what works:
1) Teach him people don't like to be treated as if they are stupid.
2) Teach him most people just get angry if you correct them.
3) Teach him he is different and cannot put themselves in an NTs shoes. NTs will not react the same way as an Aspie.
4) Teach him his easiest way to respect is skill. <NT: Man he is odd but he fixed my computer problem in seconds>
5) Teach him to detect and avoid emotionals. <People who use their emotions to act rather than thinking.>
6) Teach him to say nothing in a conversation. To draw the NT into talking and act being interested in their 4th hangnail.

One way of getting him into college might be finding something he has researched completely and introducing him to a professor who is an expert in it. In advance ask the professor to try and draw him into the topic. It is likely the Aspie will impress the professor and bingo he becomes a college student under someone's wing.

Oh and find him another Aspie for a friend. He will likely find one on his own but you can probably find him one faster.

Whee lots of advice. I hope some of it helps.