hard time coping

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i' m looking for advice as to what you all do to help you cope with all the stresses that come with being the parent of an aspie. some days i do ok, and then others i feel like my tolerance level is barely nil. i love my son and hubby very much but feel like i'm surrounded (they're both aspies)....like all i ever do is take care of other people.......................i try to go out on a weekly basis with my friend, and i faithfully keep my therapist's appt ( it's always nice to have an impartial ear listening). i guess i'm just hoping that someone will have some suggestions that i can use on those days i'm stuck home and just can't seem to deal with all of the chaos.

living with aspies isnt easy, and nobody ever said it was easy. in this kind of a home you have to compromise and negotiate,and be able to tolerate them.

i am most certainly aware that compromise is the name of the game. i'm not trying to make it sound like i would wish any other sort of life for myself. i love my hubby and son dearly ~ just sometimes the stress gets to be too much.

I just wanted to offer you a (((HUG))) I have no answers for you. I can honestky tell you that since my Son was diagnosed this summer life itself is MUCH easier, before I knew what was wrong I would Cry & wish for a "normal" son. I think the diagnosis has given me more patience.

If they are driving you crazy and you need to get away make sure they are safely ensconsed in an interesting activity and go into your own room and shut the door, and have a good scream or thump some pillows or cushions. Or lie on the bed and listen to a Walkman or Ipod, some soothing music.

Escapism - read a good book that takes you out of your current reality. Hire a sitter and get out and go to the cinema on your own or with a friend. Just forget who you are for a while, a change is as good as a rest. If I am feeling driven mad by children's television playing in the background, I go into my kitchen and clean up whilst listening to talk radio. I like Radio Four but that's British and I don't know if you are British. Find a channel on the radio that has interesting documentaries or maybe radio plays if you have the time and attention span (I usually don't!) Find a soothing hobby, like cross stitch or knitting, painting, maybe, and do that when your child/ren are in bed, it's something creative and just for you.

Just a few ideas. Best wishes.

thanks

Hi ster,

Theyfan gave some great advice. I know when I'm at my wits end, I like to escape for a time in a good book or I do the walk through the park (just to take the edge off) in the winter I just walk around the mall and the hour long bath is always helpful. Or I throw myself into a project, like paint a room, stencil a border anything just to throw my mind into a different gear. Then I look at the work I have accomplished and makes me feel good. Believe me every winter all the rooms in my house go through a new makeover. Paint is cheaper then a therapist for me.
I hope you feel better and I also offer you a ((hug)) it aint easy but like you I would never want to be without them.

thanks...every day is a new day...today looks better, but then again, it's only 7 am

Ok, first of all, living with anyone isn't easy, everyone has to learn to compromise and negotiate as well as tolerate but Aspies also need love, caring, compassion, not just tolerance like you are stuck with them. I'm an Aspie, my oldest son is Autistic (HFA), my youngest son is non-autistic like his dad, tolerance isn't acceptable in our house, you don't have to love or even like a person to tolerate them. If we lived with just tolerance, there'd be no reason to work on something better and more meaningful as far as acceptance and understanding on both sides. It's not easy for the youngest and his father to understand and accept myself and my oldest son for the way we are. It takes work but it takes patience and love as well.

Hi,
I'm a single parent aspie with a seriously aspie 12 year old son.
Paul is exceptionally good at pushing my buttons and loves getting a reaction from me. At times it gets really frustrating, but to keep it in perspective, I keep telling myself that it's nothing personal. He's not doing things intentionally to upset me, he's just being himself. It's much easier to accept behaviors if you keep this in mind.
I hope this helps.

i think much of my frustration with son and hubby stems from the fact that i work with aspies, auties, and some seriously MR clients on a daily basis. by the time i get home, i am absolutely exhausted, and just want to "turn off" so to speak. i've thought about changing jobs, but the fact is i love my job.
i've been experimenting with a couple of different ideas that you folks gave me....so far, the two things that are working are: going out with friends, and painting. when i paint, i can have that intense focus ....i feel much more relaxed and able to function.

I give you alot of credit. It must be hard to deal with a 9 to 5 job that is so emotionally demanding and then come home to the same.

I love to paint too plus I always noticed that my son and husband see work and they leave me alone thinking that I'm going to ask for help Little do they know I wouldn't.

they usually leave me alone when i'm painting...it's nice, because i can actually have alone time uninterrupted.

My daughter and I are both Aspies. We have one room in our house set aside as an art studio for my wife. When she closes the door to her room, she is off limits. Also, we try to have a daddy-daughter day once a week or so when she and I go out or whatever, but mom is freed from all responsibilities and I take full charge of the munchkin. I also gave her an Ipod for her birthday. I think it ought to be standard issue for all parents of Aspies. They should give you one when you receive your diagnosis.

I don't know if you have one near you, but when I lived in a larger city I used to go weekly to Parents Anonymous. It was my Thursday night lifeline. There I found that most of the parents had kids with diagnosis of ADD, ADHD, probably some were Aspies as well. Free child care was provided and for an hour I could sit and talk and laugh with other parents. We could compare "war stories", complain about our spouses, have a good cry if we needed to. I highly recommend looking for a group in your area. It's a real sanity saver.