*§*AS-Parent Support Group*§*

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Would you like a separate forum for AS Parents?
Yes 76%  76%  [ 143 ]
No 9%  9%  [ 17 ]
Maybe 14%  14%  [ 26 ]
Other option, please expand in thread 2%  2%  [ 3 ]
Total votes : 189

drybones
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04 Jun 2008, 4:29 pm

ManErg wrote:
Yay! Keep this thread going! I still believe this should be a separate forum. I noticed there's a "Married Aspies Cafe" or some such thread elsewhere, but last post was in March. This thread is proof that Aspies in (or still suffering from) long term relationships with or without children, really do have things to say. Things that are interesting and often very intense. Just not sure where's appropriate to say it.


me too. I checked that thread a while ago and i just didnt know where to start with it.



drybones
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04 Jun 2008, 4:34 pm

ouinon wrote:
:!: :arrow: :D Just a quick note to say that I have posted a poll in the Parents Forum which I would love to have your votes in, and as some of you have said you never go in there I thought I'd better let you know. Thanks. Hope you'll vote.


checking it out - i never go in there normally



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04 Jun 2008, 4:52 pm

drybones wrote:
ManErg wrote:
I'm thankful that a big part of me is looking forward to getting away. Our relationship has deteriorated for several years now. Looking back, when I got the AS diagnosis I thought it would help US, it certainly helped ME, but now I believe she lost hope that day. For then she realized that she could never 'normalize' me. Even worse, there was now a medically approved reason for my behaviour that irritated her so much. Until then, I had always accepted the blame for our problems.


Good luck with the move! will you still have regular contact with your kids?


Yes, lots. I'm only moving about 10 mins drive away. I aim to be having the children stay with me for a regular 4 nights every two weeks, with 'bonus' visits on top of that. My wife has a lot of activities that take her away from the home (cultivated largely to get away from me), so I'm assuming that I won't need to battle to get access. However, I'm aware that there is a possibility in the long term that the way I am will become unacceptable to her to a point of not letting me see the children.

drybones wrote:
i've got some books in recommended earlier and so far she hasnt got bored of me talking about AS so far.


I have several books, including the usual ones as AS/NT relationships. But my wife would never read them and never wants to talk about AS. I guess that she feels she's somehow stuck to be stuck with 'damaged goods'. Or maybe that's just my interpretation. I know that this attitude is not always the case and from what I've read here, an AS/NT relationship can work fine if the NT partner makes effort to understand AS.


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04 Jun 2008, 8:26 pm

I would not mind some of that NT respect right now topic

Oldest daughter thinks I have ruined her life.

Son is wrestling with friend in his room and they sound as if they are trying to kill each other.

Youngest daughter is chatting on MSN and with some voice thing so she is TALKING to them!

Some good news: lazy husband is gone up north for a few hours and at least I know where my kids are. My son is not working tonight. My daughter is going to get a part-time job when she is 14.

Life is too chaotic. :roll:


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BazzaMcKenzie
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04 Jun 2008, 8:31 pm

^ seems like you have normal kids - lol


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04 Jun 2008, 11:34 pm

No energy to write or think of anything useful, except wanted to let everybody know how much I appreciate reading ALL of the posts here, the sharing and caring is amazing. It gives me hope for my own life. We all mirror each other in so many ways it's remarkable. I think I feel a tad less guilty about my parenting :)



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05 Jun 2008, 12:42 am

aylissa wrote:
No energy to write or think of anything useful, except wanted to let everybody know how much I appreciate reading ALL of the posts here, the sharing and caring is amazing. It gives me hope for my own life. We all mirror each other in so many ways it's remarkable. I think I feel a tad less guilty about my parenting :)


I can only agree with this :)

Thanks for this forum, it has really helped. :D



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05 Jun 2008, 2:30 am

Greentea has just started a thread on General Discussion proposing a forum for the over-35 and/or pre-diagnosis survivors generation of AS, and I have suggested that such a forum might include AS parents of all ages, because it is a heavy responsibility and a very particular experience which most people on wp don't have.

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt67988.html

And, yes, this thread has helped me realise how much an NT (or perhaps any kind of ) co-parent may be a huge factor in AS-parenting problems which I had not considered in that light before. Great to hear others' anger and frustration and confusion about parenting from AS perspective , not because this distress is a good thing, :wink: but because it helps me feel less "taboo", less like a blot of a mother, less like an untouchable for having AS priorities and AS ways of parenting which do not match the jolly TV/standard model.

I'm aware of building anxiety about the Academic Inspection now. Trickles of panicky shiver/coldness in my back. Stomach issues. Tight breathing. And yesterday my son had second, and far worse, misery about it. He is anxious/frightened about it too. It made him very angry and desperate about his "homework" ( that we were in the middle of doing).

I wonder whether he is thinking that his academic performance is going to "decide" whether we move/leave France and his papa. In a way this is true. Though it has more to do with the french govt's laws about homeschooling, and the pressure they put on homeschoolers. He is sure that he doesn't want to go to school tho.

umm.

Thinking, it must feel as momentous to him as my entire set of O-Level Exams felt aged 16, or even more so. An awful lot hanging on the results. Just been trying to explain to him that he will not be "responsible", or "to blame" for anything that happens as a result of these tests.

:study:



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05 Jun 2008, 3:02 am

ouinon wrote:
Greentea has just started a thread on General Discussion proposing a forum for the over-35 and/or pre-diagnosis survivors generation of AS, and I have suggested that such a forum might include AS parents of all ages, because it is a heavy responsibility and a very particular experience which most people on wp don't have.
Will have to check it out, but have a feeling Alex's response will be that we already have the "In-depth adult life discussion" forum, which was started in part because I kept on about needing a place for AS parents. Ironically, it never was a place for AS parents, which is one reason I have no hope there will be till the master himself finds himself parenting.
Quote:
I wonder whether he is thinking that his academic performance is going to "decide" whether we move/leave France and his papa. In a way this is true. Though it has more to do with the french govt's laws about homeschooling, and the pressure they put on homeschoolers. He is sure that he doesn't want to go to school tho.

8O The poor kid. I bet you're right. All the pressure is on him and it's the school system's fault. And will they ask HIM what he thinks would be best? Of course not, just like child support cases never seem to find what's in the best interests of the child.



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05 Jun 2008, 3:17 am

aylissa wrote:
I have a feeling Alex's response will be that we already have the "In-depth adult life discussion" forum, which was started in part because I kept on about needing a place for AS parents. Ironically, it never was a place for AS parents.

It's because it doesn't seem to serve any particular function that I proposed turning it into a member's-access-only AS-parent's forum, ( on a thread on wrongplanet.net a couple of weeks ago) , and have now suggested, (on GT's thread), that it be emptied into the Member's Only forum which seems to serve no particular purpose either most of the time, so that would leave In-Depth Adult for older/35+/pre-diagnosis AS and AS parents.

But if as you say it was formed partly as a result of your own requests to A for an AS parents forum WHY didn't it become that? :?: What stopped AS parents posting on it? :?: What stopped AS parents and Pre-diagnosis AS making it their own? :?:

What was wrong with it? :? :?:

:study:



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05 Jun 2008, 4:36 am

Just worked out that might have a lot to do with the stupid description of the forum, which requires both interpretation and self-evaluation skills ( very AS, not !) , to know if it is for you, and also seems to be referring to non-AS ... " mature"? 8O :roll: :lol: I thought the whole point of AS was that we never grow up.

The only other problem is if some people don't think it's private enough.

:study:



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05 Jun 2008, 5:54 am

They should have just called it over 35 and not added the mature bit.


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ouinon
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05 Jun 2008, 6:49 am

The_Chosen_One wrote:
They should just have called it over 35 and not added the mature bit.

Yes, that would have been a lot clearer and more useful.

The funny thing that I've noticed on this AS-Parent thread is that more than half our problems are relationship ones. And so in a sense would be better in a "Relationships" forum. But there isn't one; there's just "Love and Dating" neither of which apply to my relationship problems. :?

:study:



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05 Jun 2008, 9:05 am

AS the world turns topic

Ouinon, we need this forum! We need it more than sperm, penis, porn, mdma, panty questions, and the like, which are stupid, NT like, male dominated trivial junk forums. :evil:



If I am the only one left I will post here. :evil:


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samantca
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05 Jun 2008, 9:32 am

sartresue wrote:
AS the world turns topic

Ouinon, we need this forum! We need it more than sperm, penis, porn, mdma, panty questions, and the like, which are stupid, NT like, male dominated trivial junk forums. :evil:



If I am the only one left I will post here. :evil:


I agree :wink:



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05 Jun 2008, 9:36 am

samantca wrote:
sartresue wrote:
We need this forum! We need it more than sperm, penis, porn, mdma, panty questions, and the like, which are stupid, NT like, male dominated trivial junk forums. :evil: If I am the only one left I will post here. :evil:

I agree :wink:

Me too! :wink: :wink: :D

A lot of the time I forget how awful it was, how utterly overwhelmed and uncomprehending and panicky and in some waking nightmare I felt. Being mother.

And wish I had known about AS, and known other people with AS, and been able to talk about it with people who understood. The papa used to just tell me to stop, to shut up; it was unspeakable to say what I was saying. I did not dare say these things to anyone. Except one woman friend in the uk by phone a few times which may have saved me from worse.

And what I have been thinking/feeling about the father, and how his being there may have made the whole thing more difficult from the start. Because I got very little time alone to steady myself, get clear. And because when he as there he had more demands, required set meal times, etc.

I wish that I had been able to read all that somewhere. It is sooo taboo, to be practically terrified of ones baby, to want to abandon it, to no longer want to have sex with the father ever again.

So, yes, even if the In-Depth ( ID ) forum stays open acess and doesn't become a real foum for older and parent AS then would carry on posting here.

:study:



Last edited by ouinon on 05 Jun 2008, 9:52 am, edited 3 times in total.