Kids say the darndest things

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At pre school my daughter had a little friend called Jessica. I asked what Jessica's other name was, what came after Jessica and Millie thought for a bit.

"Jessica Getoutofthemud" came the reply

I will forever remember the one and ONLY sentence to this date my seven year old has ever put together. My mother in law tried to grab him up and make him sit in her lap...


his words.....

"I don't like you."


anyone with a crazy mother in law can appreciate that


my nine year old has said many funny things. But one that stands out -

when he was 4 and his youngest brother was born the baby was crying one afternoon while i was trying to put on a load of laundry and Kolby yelled - "give that kid some boob already"

I always ask my 7 year old if he loves his mommy...he screams "Noooo!", I say "do you love your daddy?"...he screams "Noooo!", I say "Do you love CJ?" (our dog). "Yes" he says.... This cracks me up...

The other day I start with him...after I ask if he loves his daddy, he looks at me out of the corner of his eye with a half of a grin and says..."I love myself".

I about died....

My 5 yr old nephew would only eat white rice, chicken nuggets, fries and shreaded carrots and a few other junky foods for years. My sister took him to more then one doctor and even had testing done to see if he was unable to swallow. Everythingwas find and he does not have AS. So my sister and brother inlaw desided to do the one bite of something new rule at dinner everynight to hopefuly expand his menu a bit. the first thing they tried was the kid friendly classic mac and cheese. He took one look at his tiny bite and said I can eat this... My sister said "why not" he replied "It will shrink my brain and make me stupid" My brother inlaw had to leave the room while my sister went about proving it was safe by feeding to their dog <he never had it before ethier so he was the right test subject>. then only after the dog could still find his toy after they hid it did the little guy eat his one bite and said it wasn't bad and he can eat it now... Some days I'm happy to have a kid that doesn't talk much lol

OK, this one is a little embarassing, but just too funny not to post.

My son was about 3 and we were in a public restroom. I was going to the bathroom and when I got up to pull up my pants, my son caught a glimpse of my girl part and said "Do you got dirt, mom?"

Gah, people are trying to sleep in my room and I've laughed so hard I've teared up. At one point I actually spit from it.

When my oldest boy was 2-3 years old my X was always calling me fat even if our child was in the room. One day when we were in the check out line at a store my son who was about three at the time points and loudly exclaims, "Mommy, you don't have a big butt. That lady has a big butt!" I was mortified.

My three year old is constantly coming out with funny things....
recently said at the local shop to the cashier very loudly "'scuse me, but my mummy hasn't got a willy - she's s girl. but my daddy has. he's got a hairy one!"

I was sooooo embarassed!

Apparently I asked a friend of my parents if he peed standing up too.

I also asked a Sri Lankan diplomat why his face was so dark. I would have seen black people before because I was born in South Africa and part of my dad's job as consulate in Johannesburg was black and protest politics. However I guess I wasn’t sure about Asian because many Asians are Caucasian anyway. It is skin tone that is different.

I've said and done some quite embarrassing and amusing things, especially when I was younger.

When I was 5 years old, me and my mother were at her friend's house. There was also a Police Officer there (I think he was a friend or relative of my mum's friend), and seeing me sitting on my own he decided to talk to me. He asked me how my mother drives and my reply was "My mummy drives really really slowly, round and round in circles and she gets lost a lot."

A few years ago my mum's best friend phoned to ask how she was, and I answered the phone (I think I was about 11 or 12). My mum was on the toilet, and I've never been very tactful, so I told my mum's friend in my most polite voice "I'm afraid my mother cannot come to the phone right now, she's having a poo."

When I first started Secondary School (I was 11) I was in the same PE changing room as one of the so-called "hard girls" who was in a gang and apparantly quite tough. She decided to pick on me by asking me why I was wearing such large panties, and my reply was "Because I have a big bum, DUH!" Apparantly a lot of people were expecting her to try and beat me up at some point after that, but she never did.

This next one is more a case of me doing something embarrassing/funny as opposed to saying something funny.
I used to go to a holiday playscheme because my mum had to go to work and I couldn't be left alone in the house. I was about 9 years old when this happened. I can't quite remember the incident, so I'm going to quote what my friend said on MSN when she explaining the incident to somebody else.
"Ok so I went to playscheme with Squirsh when I was younger. In the dining hall somone pointed out a dead rat. All the children ran off, all but me and Squish. Squirsh stood there flapping her hands, asking if she could put the rat on her head and then started dancing around and trying to touch it, and she had to be restrained...I just sat there XD"

My great grandma always yells at the neighbors cats for being in her yard. When my brother was around 3 he came running in yelling "Grama! The damnit cat is in your yard again!"

My cousin used to say "I can't like it" to anything she didn't want.

My favorite recently though has been my son telling the cat she needed a time out when she stole his french fry and asking my aunt to tell her dog he had already had a bath when it was giving him kisses .

"mom I cant go to sleep because im scared i heard several noises outside last night"

mom: oh, honey, its just the neighbors

"actually it is coming from directly in our backyard, like insiiiide of it"

mom: well, the neighbors backyard is right next to ours and they are pretty loud

"actually, its impossible because the noises cant travel faster than two feet of sd per minute, so it must be directly behind our house"

mom: really honey?

"duh"

he is 9, we had this conversation about 10 minutes ago.

My son at the age of 3 told me Mama your eyes are beautiful I'm not going to poke them out

Which made me think he had a desire to poke my eyes out but could not go through with it because they were beautiful

Ok, here is one from an older kid (13). My autistic son always sucks info out of us. Dad, it's history, me, it's physics and both of us get sucked for any other knowledge we may possess. So yesterday in the car, we were talking about string theory again and I said that you could think of the extra dimensions that String theory predicts exist as being curled up in the world around us, as if we live in a sponge we can’t sense. He thought about this a moment and then said:

“Time is the water and we are the sponge.” I started thinking about the fabric of space-time, and got that weird feeling he was on to something…. LOL

A few years ago my son said he wished that we had enough money to travel. I said me too, but if we could travel where would he like to go the most? He said I want to go to Rome. That would be cool, I said, we could see some ancient ruins. Not only that, Mom, we could go to Vacation City! !

Yesterday my 9 yr mostly nonverbal son came to check on what I was cooking for dinner and was shocked to find me making something he likes so he danced around saying " Hey I eat THAT!! !!" it's nice for a change.

A little boy offered my four-year-old Chuck E. Cheese tokens. She backed away. "Just take them," the boy said. "They're Chuck E. Cheese tokens!"

"EEEEEEEEK! I'M NOT WORTHY! I'M NOT WORTHY! I'M NOT WORTHY!" is what my daughter screamed out.

She later told me about this in these words:
"A boy tried to give me Chuck E. Cheese money, but I told him I'm not worthy. Aren't you proud?"

Er... what?


I know I said plenty of silly things as a kid, too, and I still do. I usually asked the "rude" questions, i.e. "Why are you fat?" to my grandmother. I don't remember half of what I said wrong to adults. I mostly remember overly harsh punishments without explanations.