Why parents should hope for Autistic children

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Don't forget those who want to give their children every opportunity to gain the skills needed to cope in a difficult world.

Not being able to cope is going to be a big factor in depression and unhappiness.

Some people are better able to cope than others and there might not be much assistance available once the parents are gone.

If something like not eating wheat gives good benefits are people so crazy to try it?
Wouldn't you tell some one "stop taking the cocaine. Your life will be better without it."

Exactly.

NT and Aspie has little to do with it.

My NT son is much more laid back and able to amuse himself than my aspie son. I was also a very demanding child and was nicknamed "The impossible baby" by my dad.
Maybe you should stay away from children......honestly I'd sleep better!

Oh, yeah, and will you say he turned out just fine if he turns out to be a happy, law-abiding citizen who is an unemployed do-nothing who stays at home leeching off of other peoples' tax dollars in the form of government welfare when he could be out getting a job?
I don't think so.

That's a bad thing to say. My little sister who is HFA requires a lot of attention and stresses us all out. She's 6 and still in diapers and rarely leaves the house, let alone go into another building. She's like a 2 year old still. I'm positive she is more difficult than a NT kid.

You know, if you came here to be inflammatory and insult people, congrats. Of course I wouldn't be happy if ANY of my kids, AS or not stayed at home and lived off of the government. And I would hope that I raised them well enough that they would want to get a job. My comment was actually regarding this...

What I'm saying is I think that's sad and I refuse to think of my kids as a failure. Yes, they make mistakes, lots of them. That doesn't mean they can't ever do better.

I'm having trouble picking which side you're on here. You're mad because people with AS use welfare, and you're mad because your friends NT kids annoy you...

Done posting on this thread.

I came here to teach and to learn, as I think we all have.



You do realize the two are not by any means mutually exclusive?

All I was doing was pointing out a fallacy in your statement, and hopefully I made you realize the existence of a fate you will want to keep your children far, far away from.
That said, I do believe Autistic individuals with a lot of potential in life often become discouraged by the grown-up versions of the monstrous little children I mentioned, who constantly tell them they have a disability and that they don't or shouldn't find or achieve their proper place in life.

Being incredibly loud is what children do. NT children do it. AS children do it. If you think that AS children do it less than NT children, that just means you can't remember your own toddlerhood and are remembering yourself at 7 or so and imagining that's how it always was. If anything, lots of AS children scream more than NT children and the quietness doesn't set in until years later. Although there are some who will quietly stim for literally hours as toddlers. Which might look good to parents in a 3 year old but gets pretty worrisome when the hours of quiet stimming don't get replaced with the learning you assume happens to quiet toddlers.

Repeated attempts to talk to is an NT trait. It isn't a sign of neglectful or bad parenting. It's a sign that they are learning to communicate.

The rest of the rant was about the childrens' looks. Insulting childrens' looks says more about you than it does about them.

Hmmm. You get angry about AS people disabled enough to need government assistance. But it also makes you angry when children practice the social skills on you that will someday help them get a job. And you think that the preferable kid is one who stays quietly in their room all the time. That may very well be a fine quality in a teen. But the AS teens who stay in their rooms quietly learning things about their special inetersts are most likely the ones who screeched as toddlers far more than any NT kid. Then they grew out of it. The little child who never screeches is worrisome indeed, even if you think that should be desirable in a parent. The screeching that gets on your nerves is primitive communication. Kids learn to tone it down and communicate more effectively, AS and NT both.

Children grow up. The actual bad parents are the ones who don't look ahead to the future and try to guide their children towards the skills they will need as adults. If I had a toddler who sat silently in his room and never bothered me or anybody else for anything ever, I wouldn't rejoice. And it would be negelectful for me to go about my day happy in the silence and lack of demands of such a child. Parents need to engage children with the world if the children won't do it themselves. That isn't being "curebie" or trying to destroy autistic personalities. It's trying to lead the child towards an adulthood that includes more than sitting in a room silently stimming.

When I read memoirs opf autistic adults (Temple Grandin, Daniel Tammet) or read posts from autistic adults here about themselves and beloved AS relatives, a common theme emerges of a screechy, difficult toddlerhood that must have looked "bratty" to visitors in the home. But children grow up. NT children grow up. AS children grow up. Being "bratty" at 4 is no predictor of adulthood, for good or ill.

And how children physically look is utterly irrelevent and shouldn't be commented on negatively. That's just a mean thing to do.

You may call it a fallacy, but it's how i feel. Don't negate other people's feelings as wrong.

This, of course, right after you decided to negate my opinion as wrong by creating a nonexistent contradiction.

I think you miss the point. Being quiet and hardworking are skills that will earn someone a job. Which would you rather have in your workplace, a serious-minded individual who works hard and doesn't back-talk (i.e. the Autistic worker) or a loud, brash, lazy neurotypical who shows you constant disrespect?
Unfortunately, it is attitudes like yours that discourage Autistic young adults from seeking employment and turn them into welfare bums while hedonistic do-nothing neurotypicals are told they can get any kind of employment they want.

Kids grow up. That's the part you are missing. You are writing as though the loud and screechy child doesn't mature into a serious and hard working adult. But many do, AS and NT alike. And AS children can certainly be screechy in their youth and far more so than NT children. Goodness knows my own AS daughter's screechy public meltdowns earned me a lot of "tsk tsk bad mother" stares back in the day. Now she is far more serious and quiet. You have no idea how these children will turn out just because they are loud now. My attitude is simply that a screechy child can mature into a serious and quieter older child and adult. This attitude is not standing in the way of anybody getting a job. My other attitude is that undemanding silence from a very young child doesn't necessarily point to the best outcome. As far as AS children go, it seems that screechy little children fare better (though not always) than the silent and undemanding AS children because the screechy children are communicative (if screechy) and that can mature into being the serious and hardworking AS adult, whereas the silent and undemanding child may also be completely uncommunicative his entire life even with assistive technology and is less likely to mature into the employed and serious AS adult.

Bottom line? Screechy child is fine. You can't look at a child and predict that they will grow into a welfare bum or hedonsitic do-nothing. It may bother you because it's noisy, but it's not predictive of the child's future nor is it indicative of bad parenting. I've had quite enough people give me the evil eye when my daughter was having a screechy public autistic meltdown when younger. I always assumed that these people were NT and had no understanding of AS children. Now I realize that some may have been AS and had sensory issues coupled with a complete lack of memory of their own screechy public meltdowns when very young. Either way, kids grow out of it. And my conviction that kids grow out of it is not stopping any AS adult from getting a job.

I have two children, one with AS and one NT. both have a tendancy to be loud, overwhelming and sticky. It doesn't make them bad children or me a bad parent. it makes them kids. I have a 3rd one on the way, and while I would love one of those quiet kids everyone talks about, what I really want is another healthy, happy child who will grow into a healthy, happy, well adjusted adult. Which is really all a parent should want.
It sounds like you just really don't like kids.

Unfortunately, your perspective is incredibly narrow and select; being quiet and hardworking help - in SOME careers. Others, it is the noise that garners attention. I've known plenty of people who show either set of traits, regardless of their neurology, Yupa. You are showing an inability to discern between individual behaviors and group traits, in my opinion. One doesn't have to be NT to be a hedonist, btw. *chuckle*


M.

HOnestly, they don't seem like NT's to me. If they are like that, something seems to be a bit off whether it's hyperactivity, some other thing or plain old bad parenting. Those children do sound a bit annoying. Hang in there. It sounds like you had a horrible experience. It is so easy to generalize, especially if you have a history of crappy experiences with supposedly NT children. Where are the parents? When kids act like this, the parents need to IMMEDIATELY deal with it. I wonder what they are like in the school setting.

My son has always been extremely calm (AS spectrum) yet there are other children dx to be on the spectrum that are more active and loud.

My husband and I went to a friends house about two months ago. The parents and I suspect that their youngest five year old is on the spectrum. He was the most hyper and slightly annoying child that my husband has ever met. He wouldn't leave my husband alone, running around in circles, holding and tagging him. My husband is definitely on the spectrum. My husband tried to be polite and when that didn't work he loudly said, "Leave me alone." The child's parents looked at us in disbelief. His loudness really hurt my husband's ears. It was annoying for me - quite distracting. The parents told the children to go outside and we were better.

It happens with both NT's and AS children

If you go to this friends house or another friend who has loud obnoxious children, I encourage you to talk to your friends. Just tell them you really need calm and can't deal with loud as you have auditory sensory issues. I have done that before and I am "NT" ADHDer. I honestly don't care saying that. If it's easier to email, I would.Most of the time, people are pretty understanding - unless I just don't pick up on them being offended LOL. If they have a problem with it, I just won't go over there.