How would you feel about NLD/PTSD kid left unsupervised?

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not in my state. the older a kid is, the more his or her wishes will be taken into consideration by the court, but at this point it's in the hands of the evaluator and ultimately the judge assigned to our case.

this morning was wild with phone calls. my son got his computer and phone taken away for refusing to go to school. I talked out the reason he didn't want to go to school and found that his teacher had interpreted lack of understanding for defiance, and offered to talk to his teacher for him, but he decided to go to school and talk to the teacher himself tomorrow. then his step-mother called to tell me he decided to go to school today, then brought up that she thinks he's stressed out over the custody battle. YA THINK? I told her the battle's been going on since his dad told him boys should live with their fathers and tried to manipulate a custody change by using my son.

she doesn't get it. I didn't want to do a family evaluation and drag the kids into it, and my ex had an opportunity to get a voluntary evaluation and leave the kids out of it, but he's persistently uncooperative and always has been. he's ALWAYS promised to do things then done whatever he wants whether it's good for the family or not. having a parent like that is either going to create a combative situation where the kids are stressed out, or a situation with a bullying parent and a passive one and the kids are going to be emotionally neglected and probably endangered.

I couldn't agree more they shouldn't be blessed with kids.

my lawyer has contempt papers drafted for failure to properly supervise my son, so I'm going in to sign them tomorrow.

Best of luck .

thanks! I have a feeling it's going to be a lot of ongoing nastiness, but working directly with my ex has never worked so I'm hopeful that working through the court system will resolve the present issues and hopefully protect us from harassment in the future.

Good luck bhetti...hang in there.

Let the dad have every other weekend custody and some time in summer. He clearly shouldn't have more than that. It's hard to get full custody, courts don't want to give it. Easier to just ask for 70/30. I won't even get into a discussion of my ex-husband, when my kids are with him, he carts them off to overnight scouts camp, followed by overnights at the babysitter's house, I ask 'where do you sleep?' and the kids say 'on the sofa'. Then I'll call him and hear the loud music wherever he is but it's hard to get full custody. Even though he was proven in court to inflict 'corporal punishment' on the children, that wasn't enough. I ask the kids periodically if their dad has put them in what he calls 'time outs' which clearly aren't, but it doesn't seem like he's done that since we went to court. It seems like you have a better handle on the issues surrounding NVLD and I think your son should be with you majority time. At least he has you! I cringe at the thought of him just having them.

My kids are very vocal about not wanting to live at all with their dad, I mean their lives basically suck when they are there. They say daddy is always on the computer, basically ignoring them. He took my son to play laser tag once and my daughter was too young, so he just left her in the lobby with arcade games, by herself, she was 6! He didn't even leave her any money. The minute he does something I can actually prove in court, I will do it and try for full custody. I couldn't do anything about that incident because she was 6 and 6 is usually considered too young to testify. I'm sure he'll slip up eventually though.

that sounds like my ex, Grace09. he shapes up when he has a girlfriend or wife, but otherwise he does the same things you describe which is why we have the family evaluator involved now.

seriously, leaving a 6 year old in a lobby, unattended! that's not just neglect, that's endangerment

I've kept a journal for 4 years now of my ex's wacky behavior. I don't trust him at all. I'm hoping he'll have to take a psych eval and we'll maybe start to get a handle on why he's such an oblivious parent.

we had a previous agreement that he'd have them every other weekend and a week in summer, but they were dropped off with friends so he could do recreational activities by himself and he was constantly missing visits. I wish that I'd filed a modification to reduce his time at that point. every other weekend was too disruptive during the school year, but now that the kids are older I'd settle for that because I think they can handle it if they're safe and supervised, given the issues involved. I just don't think he'd let the kids get in the way of his activities, so they'd end up alone at his house which is not an acceptable situation.

Funny you mention the GF, my ex always acts like father-of-the-year around his GF. Only now they have been together 2 years and the kids say they fight all the time. I said 'what about?' and the kids say, they fight because she'll say, why don't you buy the kids clothes? their clothes are too small, why don't you buy them shoes that fit!

Yes, the arcade thing, it turns my stomach. I don't want to finally be rewarded full custody because my child has been abducted. It turned my stomach for a long time.

Actually, he had the kids at 6 Flags water park once. My husband and I went to meet him because he actually wanted us to do something together, yes it was strange but he is strange. When we arrived, he is lying on a lounge chair, sunglasses on, all laid out. I said 'where are the kids?', he point to the big tidal water pool, and said 'out there somewhere'. My kids were 5 and 7 at the time. If anyone said 'hey little girl' (my daughter was the 5 yr old) 'your mommy wants me to take you to her' she would have gone. My son is a bit more suspicious but I also worry about him. My stomach was turning and my husband immediately went into the water looking for them. I walked along the outside of the pool.

Like you, I am going to start taking notes. Careful notes of all of this, and also keep all the receipts of clothes etc. He buys them absolutely nothing. As far as psychologically, I really think he's a sociopath. He reminds me so much of O.J. Simpson or Scott Peterson, totally. Really charming when you meet him but I swear he truly has no empathy for other people.

His life is a bit of a mess right now and my husband and I are hoping he returns to Sweden (where he is from). We think (hope) he will be in their lives less and less as time goes on. Honestly, it's sad but my kids think of my husband more as a "Dad" then their own father. When we were at 6 Flags, my son wanted to be on my husband's shoulders and was hanging all over my husband, even though his father was right there. They both say they wish my husband was their dad and they want his last name. All he does that is different, is he pays attention to them.

wow, your ex is a piece of work

sometimes I wish people like our ex's would give up the strings of control and just go away.

I've got my fingers crossed that he will be in the kid's lives less and less. He is talking about going back and forth to Sweden now, some crazy idea he has of living half-time in each country. Hopefully, he'll just spend less and less time in the US. The kids just get upset and stressed out when they see him. His image is very important to him and I think he is just trying to find a way to leave and still look good. He is very superficially charming, like a sociopath, you would have no idea that he is not the nicest guy in the world if you met him.

same with mine! I think he's a narcissist. everyone says he speaks so highly of me and says and does all the right things, but he's very different in private. he made fun of me for being unemployed and told me the only way I'd ever get child support is when it's garnished from his check, and that was when our son was having massive emotional issues and my ex was making 6-8k per month. then he told me he'd come and take the kids away if I didn't stop complaining about not being able to afford to take care of them. I didn't sleep for 3 days after that threat, waiting for him to drive 1000 miles and show up at my door.

and yet, I heard that his feelings are hurt that I filed to get custody of my son back. I find it so strange that someone who finds hurting other people fun gets hurt when his actions bring about negative consequences.