Question for adults and teens

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I have NLD and possible Asperger's. I've always preffered to be alone even now. I'm sixteen. My parents pushed me. I was in dance classes, baseball, soccer, and Girl Guides. I hated them all. I was always in fights with the other children and I never wanted to go. I didn't understand why I needed to be with other people after being at school all day. I just wanted to be alone in my room, reading, colouring, or acting out scenes from TV shows with my dolls (I couldn't imagine my own stories to act out) I wish they hadn't pushed me. It made me feel like they expected me to do things I couldn't do and be something I couldn't be. They don't push me anymore but they still yell at me that I don't participate in school clubs, extra curiculars, and social activities. I wish they would stop. I don't need to be pushed I will do things when I am to and am ready to. Just my opinion.

My Aspie daughter went to public school, was active in a lot of things (dance, girl scouts, soccer, piano, church theater). She stuck with the things she enjoyed (dance and theater), but I'm not sure she learned any socialization skills through all of that. I was the Mom who set up play dates too, never reciprocated. And she was bulled all through mid school after being home schooled in 5th grade and wanting to go back to school "to be with her friends". She spent an entire year on a dance team where none of the other girls would even speak to her, and refused to quit. She liked the dances they were doing, and the teachers. So your daughter is not really missing out on much to my thinking.

I would say OK, but you have to be physically active __ hours a week, and you need to study some type of music or art. She's young enough to try out different activities so let her pick. There might be some accidental socialization when she finds activities that she really enjoys, is good at, and has chosen for herself.

I had the best of both worlds- I wanted to play by myself, AND my mother didn't push me to socialize. I was an only child, so I got to play 100% by myself, and that's how I liked it. My mother would occasionally ask if I'd like a friend to come over, but when I would say "no," she left it at that. Best thing she could have done. I would occasionally have a friend over to spend the night, but it always ended up with me ignoring them the next morning because I was so sick of their presence. My mother was very glad when I discovered Internet forums in my late teens and was able to socialize that way, just because I was finally able to have friends without being annoyed by being around them.

My mother also never pushed me to join clubs or activities and such. I never played sports, I never was forced to go to camp, nothing like that. My life throughout school was just that- schoolwork. I was/am a geek, and my social life was with my textbooks. I had no desire to do extracurricular activities. And it didn't hurt me one bit. I was still accepted to college. And I didn't join any extracurricular activities in college, either, other than being a TA for chemistry and statistics and being a member of the chemistry club. There's nothing wrong with letting your child be by themselves and do what they want to do. If sitting in their room on their computer makes them happen, let them, I say. But like others have said, every child is different.
-OddDuckNash99-

That's an excellent point, and I was thinking the same thing. I'm reading this book right now called Parenting Your Asperger's Child and I feel like I have a bone to pick with the authors. It was written by two special ed teachers, Alan Sohn and Cathy Grayson. Anyone ever read this? I kind of feel like these two are know-it-alls; they kind of get on my nerves, yet I continue to read it out of curiosity. (This really is relevant- I'm getting to the point, I promise.) There is once situation they describe where they have a social skills group for 5-year-olds. One boy says, "I don't want to play with kids. I hate kids! I only want to be around adults" or something to that effect. Of course, Ms. Professional thought that was unacceptable and the only reason the young boy liked adults is because "he could control them." Whatever. I found myself saying, "Maybe other kids pick on him. Did you ever think of that, lady? Geez!" I have the unpopular opinion that for the most part, adults are actually nicer than children. How many adults do you know that admitted to being an obnoxious jerk as a kid or teen? It seems that childhood/adolescence are the most common times to be a jerk, and if you outgrow it, you become a nice person. If not, you remain a jerk.

When I look back on it, I didn't really like kids much as a child. I had no real friends until I was 12, and I was always a "weird" kid. I always cared too much about what other people thought, though. If my daughter turns out to be a little oblivious of other people, I think that can be a good thing.

I hope this isn't too off-topic. I tend to ramble sometimes. Thanks for all of the answers. I'm interested to hear what people who've been there have to say, even if my daughter may have a different experience.

A memory... when I was small, I remember trying to connect with people. Adults made sense - they were weird, by my standards at the time, but they were relatively consistent. At 5, 6, 7 years of age, by the time I was able to read, ask, and discern what was going on, the behaviors of those around me had already changed. Essentially, I was 'studying' to interact with an age-group that I would never be a part of (since by the time I had any inkling, we were past that 'age'), whereas around adults I felt more comfortable because... well, because there wasn't that constant incomprehensible shift in their behaviors.


M.