Getting teenager INTERESTED in something

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REALLY good questions to ask my son, jojobean. I will try that approach.

I have asked the "if you could do anything in the world, what would it be?" question. The answer is that he wants to be an actor. That would be sort of OK, except for three things:

1. We've enrolled him in two years of an acting/theatre school. He did EXTREMELY well, by my very biased parental standards. He has said that he now does NOT want to do this acting school anymore. He enjoyed it, sort of, but I think felt outside the group socially because most kids in the group attend a different school district, and they all know each other. I don't blame him. I wouldn't want to attend the school again either.
2. He thinks that he can just "become" an actor. With no work. With no practice. With no effort.
3. We are part of a conservative religious group, and having to do swearing/severe violence/sexual scenes would go against our religion.

I would love to promote this idea, but again, I would be pushing it -- it's not necessarily something my son is DRIVEN to do.

My other aspier (probably) son, when he was this age, was highly interested in music, and spent hours playing the guitar, and took guitar lessons. He was in a couple of bands, and just loved studying music. I just wish my younger son could be interested in something like this.

Thanks so much for all of your ideas.

I was just checking the latest action on the forum, and came across this particular thread that is currently going on:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt115671.html

THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I'M AFRAID OF! The lack of motivation that seems to be a common theme among young adults and adults with Asperger's. Any parent who is dealing with a teenager on the spectrum who lacks motivation is really just fearful that they will grow up into an adult who lacks motivation. We are hoping to find ways to inspire our children NOW, so that they can inspire themselves and become self-motivated individuals LATER.

The posts in that thread sound like clinical depression to me. That is often how depression manifests itself - a total lack of motivation and/or a sense that it is hopeless to try for it will all be thwarted. I suffer from bouts from depression myself, although less severe, and I know that feeling. The best things to do are (1) keep the clinical depression in check and (2) help remove road blocks. You may be doing the later long into your child's adulthood, but if that is what he needs, that is what he needs. I do just that for my husband; he feels defeated so easily, and that easy acceptance of defeat does seem to be an AS trait. You have to continually prove that route G actually does exist and will work. It isn't easy.

does he have any interest in anything? is he good at anything even a little bit? i would say provide positive reinforcement - give him honest praise for what he does well.

DW_a_mom, I hadn't thought of the depression angle. You're right -- that does sound a lot like depression.

Boston_MA, his talents are as follows:

1. He likes a wide range of all kinds of music
2. he plays the trumpet (but doesn't practice, so he must not like it that much)
3. He is amazingly good at singing, as a lead singer or even better, as a harmonizer. He would be a great front man for a band.
4. He has good acting ability, and his performing ability is great -- NO stage fright at all.
5. He has good capabiltiies in math, and amazingly enough, he is a pretty good creative writer.

His interests are:

1. video games
2. video games
3. video games
4. Cars
5. Science
6. Most importantly, TRAVEL

We try and "encourage" all of these things, but the only one he sticks with are the video games. That's not too unusual in a 13 year old, but I'd like to steer him toward an interest of his choice eventually, in addition to the video games.

He is already interested in plenty of things. Just encourage him. Would he be interested in programming his own game in visual basic or on a ti-83 calculator?

With video games you can go to your school principal or guidance counselor and teacher or even post on Craigslist Activity Partners section and ask people to find another quiet 13 year old who is interested in games. Then they could exchange games and play together taking turns.

I recommend though that you not encourage computer use. Aspies are comfortable in computer games because they see the world in a "Tom and Jerry" dimension. Reading involves imagination and computer games almost not at all.

Encourage him to do math problems and take him to math competitions where he can do well. Find a math homework buddy and find someone to teach them both. It is very easy to find an activity partner. There are many lonely teenagers, you just have to go around and ask.

Hi,

So what is the one thing you can do right now, today, to get the aspie teenager interested in something? Pick one thing and I will try to think of what would have worked for me when I was 13 years old. I liked video games, was better than average in math, very good in science, lonely and isolated, etc.

This is just a personal opinion: I think the problems that happen for AS individuals when choosing their interests are mainly 2: perfectionism and little social interaction. When they find something they like they either feel instantly competent and learn very quickly so they get fixated or they have some difficulties and give up because the fun is not about the ride but about being good. But to be good takes some effort and time and if you're not having any fun you miss out the point at some stage. If not in the learning rush then what would keep you going is social drive, which if missing you can't see the point in the effort. So they want to be good as to feel loved and admired and so get the social interaction they desire. And you can't start from the end.

I think you shouldn't go on a crusade to find his interests but help him have fun and get social because his interests will probably be similar to those of the people he can relate to. If he can't have fun singing because he's to exposed although that's what he'd prefer, then help him be the drumer (I realize I'm mixing posts here), by the drumer magazine and put it next to the toillet, make a band basement sound proof so he's not ashamed that you're listening. My best advice yet would be to get rid of 2 game systems. Let him give them away and he'll get 2 new friends. Better off, tell him to give it away to a needed social group and he'll be well regarded by many. And make a habit of going out and socializing as a family, invite friends for dinner and play a video quiz. Socializing is a routine. Get him to work part-time jobs. It might spark some interests and build social skills for the real deal. Working in a busy restaurant is great because he can practice socializing without the need to get to intimate.

I disagree. My son doesn't know what to do with the social admiration; he actually finds his groupies (yes, he has them) annoying. His joy is in the accomplishment by itself. He has spent hours and hours learning how to program on GameMaker because he finds it interesting, not because he finds it easy. When he is working out a game idea, he will carefully measure out and create paper models and prototypes despite the fact that pencil in hand is physically painful for him due to his co-morbids. In all these situations, the interest drives the work ethic, not the simplicity of it and not the ego or success. If something interests him, he can overcome anything. Its amazing to watch. That is why keeping the spark alive is so very, very important for AS kids like mine.

I had to look up gamemaker and that looks like something that may pique my 13 year old's interest. He has seen my PaintShop Pro but was never interested in drawing in the first place.
Besides Danace Dance Revolution, Band Hero seems to be a hit at our house and he is now taking turns to let everyone sing and is learning to keep the comments of "You suck at singing" to himself. Also a bit more social with some of the girls instead of Pokemon and Mario

Yeah, I've been looking into Gamemaker -- that's kind of a cool thing, as my son's latest obsession is, whenever he has free time at school, making a storyboard of game ideas. At least this is creative. If he could morph those ideas into this gamemaker software, it might be a positive thing. GREAT idea -- thanks.

Someone who likes to travel and is a good actor might make a really good tour guide, you know?

Nan, that's a very good point. He would LOVE to do that sort of thing. Do you suppose that there will be much call for tour guides five or ten years from now?

Maybe try gettig him into art. Art areas are populated with people and usually are pretty social and well worth doing. I do acting and I absolutly LOVE it! Acting is very social and extremely fun! Maybe see if he wants to try out for a play in your community. You also learn a lot in the theatre. I learned a lot of social skills and life skills from acting.

My experience is that you don't do any leading with a teenage aspie. They find things on their own. I've got a daughter, but usually her interests are pretty similar to the boys. I did encourage her interest in dance when she was younger, and she still does that but I would say it's not her first love anymore. I also encouraged acting, but that ended with high school.

It seems that the interests have to be high stimulus. Performing is, video games are, high risk behaviors are too. My DD is 18, and her last couple of interests have been high risk. Since about 16, it's been internet sex, sexting, a couple of episodes of acquaintance sex. I've been praying for this to pass, and maybe it has for now. But only because it's been replaced by another risky behavior. She's taken up longboarding, and her goal is to bomb hills at 40 mph. In a crown top helmet, elbow pads, and gloves. I can't tell you how much sleep I've lost since her 16th birthday. She's still dancing, taking college classes, and working. All of which could be over with one good crash.

Anyway, be careful what you wish for. I would be happy with a video game obsession right about now.

I was quite a bit like your son not that long ago and (still am in alot of ways) and all I Can say is its good to encourage but don't push. My parents were really ruthless about tryign to get me involved in things and all it ended up with me withrdawing even more. It doesn't sound like your doing that to him though so I would suggest keeping at it. You might help him find something or he might find something he likes. Just give it time.