Need help with suicidal Aspie son

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He just turned 17. Because he had a severe language disorder when he was younger he spent a few years in Kindergarten. So he's technically a year behind.

MY son and yours sound very similar....no friends, socially isolated. It is very sad. My son used to always apologize for the unnecessary. He doesn't do this anymore. Like you, I would tell him...no need to apologize, it's no big deal. It just stopped and I really don't know why. He even said to me the other day....remember when I used to apologize for everything. I said, sure do and we both laughed. Perhaps it's just a phase, kinda like how we tend to use a certain word/phrase for a period of time and then we just stop and then start using some other new word/phrase constantly.

Good luck to you and good luck with the school. Been there before too and sadly most teachers can't be bothered. I had one tell me "I have 24 kids in this class you can't expect me to check your son's backpack everyday to make sure he has his homework to bring home" Guess what it's in his IEP and you most certainly will.

In terms of getting the school to follow its IEP. You need to have an agressive attorney on retainer. It sounds like there is alot of neglect on the schools part and you really should be seeking legal recourse.



In terms of the obsession, I had the social justice obsession. I worked with non-profits. If he has this obsession, I would try to direct him to local resources to get him active. It is the best solution. Part of his depression is probably the fact he sees an awful world, but feels helpless. Honestly speaking even if he can feel he is doing some good, it can help. I worked on these issues for over 15 years. I made it my career for a time period.

I am skeptical about setting up a social group. This can be a bad idea and backfire. But I would work to try to find a social outlet though. Something he can be passionate about that can be helpful. I think his passion for social justice seems like he would get alot of volunteering or attending group meetings. I worked for alot of organizations who had aspie teens who volunteered at some point. Activism on a local level can teach him how to communicate with other people better, but also how he can help out in the world. The obsession with social justice does not have to be negative, it can be a very positive thing if directed in the right way. You need to foster it and encouragee it in a constructive manner. If you are wondering I worked on social justice issues since I was in high school, it ended up being part of the reason I pursued my education and career, which I only recently changed. In many ways it helped me become more social. There are alot of quirky personalities with social justice groups...so his obsession may be a good social outlet. Don't ever see obsessions as bad...obsessions are always filled with the potential. DW_mom has the dead on understanding of thier potential. They are the path which guides the way to personal growth.

As much as I hate to say this, the area parents most frequently NT parents fail at is teens, there are so many mistakes and missteps. You have to consider you are VERY out of touch with his experiences as a teenager. You should not be seeking the advice of NT parents who have aspie teens...but from adult aspies who went through this period. You need to present the question: how did you get through this period? I will be honest, I was very active in clubs in both high school and college that dealt with social justice issues, I even founded some. Being an activist helped me tremendously socially, even when I fell, and even when I got burnt out. It helped foster friendships and gave me a degree of confidence in my life I would not have otherwise.

The one thing you should remind him...high school would be over soon and college will be coming up. Try to find colleges with active social justice groups (or alot of groups in general). Give something for him to look FORWARD too. I have to admit I was never suicidal, and while my pre-teen years were awful, high school was when I evolved and became more active. One of the keys to solving depression is having a future to look forward to and gaining self worth.

I would try to call the local chapter of amnesty international to see when the meetings are btw. But I think you should look into local groups that are active in the community as well.

By the way, I appologized for everything too. It is a phase that most people with anxiety have.

Please let me clarify. I don't see his obsessions as bad AT ALL. There are some problems with aspects of the social justice. He gets so angry that he gets out of control. For example, a senator recently let the crazy guy who invaded the home of a Burmese political prisoner under house arrest go free. Spencer gets so upset about that that he starts screaming. THAT'S the problem.

I applaud Spencer for being socially aware. I think it's tremendous!

We just found out that he's been angry for 2 years about an event that happened when he was in 8th grade. He was bullied by a bunch of girls on the playground. His therapist tells us that the way Spencer describes it, and his associated feelings are typical of people who have been through a major trauma such as rape.

Back then, it was difficult for Spencer do tell us what happened in a linear way. I didn't really grasp what happened and I didn't understand how traumatized he was because he didn't seem that upset about it at all.

Now he tells me that I have been his mortal enemy since then. He was basically raped and I let him down. I now understand why he gets so angry about Ahn San Soo Kee (Burmese woman - don't know how to spell her name).

But today I'm the one feeling suicidal. I don't know how I can ever make this up to him. I don't know how he can ever forgive me. I think about him all the time. I'm always at least trying to help him. I thought we had a good relationship.

So thanks for telling me about the social groups.