I feel like a horrible parent

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this is great news! Glad you and your son are doing better. Thanks for sharing that about not treating your son as if he is fragile. I struggle with this too. I guess it is because he has had delays in learning things from the get go, and he is my only child, that I do tend to baby him. I walk a fine line between trying not to baby him, and realizing that he does have limitations that make things more difficult for him. I am trying to learn to let go more too, and let him try things before I just do it for him. I know what you mean about seeing their self esteem improve when they are so happy that they can do something on their own!

Peace and blessings to you and your family!

Your update was a joy to read. Thank you for taking the time!

Thank you for the wonderful update!

My son is 17 and is constantly reminding me that he isn't 8 anymore!! He has matured so much but I'm wondering if I will catch up.

Glad to hear things are going better. I recently found this site and registered yesterday and have been reading different posts and came across this one and completely understood what you were saying. My daughter, 8 next month, takes her sweet time about everything and I am a wait-til-the-last-minute then run around half crazy trying to hurry her along the way which does not work at all. I laughed at the tearing up of the homework because I have done the EXACT same thing out of sheer frustration. She kept arguing with me while I was trying to help her and when she launched into tantrum mode, so did I, I ripped up the paper and said "Now you don't have homework to fuss about! You can explain to the teacher why you have no homework tomorrow." Of course, as you found, it didn't help one bit. I've also snapped one of her pencils when she blew up because I had the wrong color lead pencil and I told her who cares, it writes the same and she kept complaining so I snapped the pencil and told her now she'd never have to worry about having that pencil again. That didn't help either, lol.

What has helped us is allowing extra time for EVERYTHING. Because if I don't, the more hurried she feels, the more anxious it makes her and then come the tantrums. I still dress her most of the time. She is usually capable of doing it herself, but a lot of the time it takes her forever so I end up doing it, or assisting. Feeding herself is another issue - takes her FOREVER. I have to remind her to take another bite or she'll sit there for 30 mins and have maybe managed a couple bites left to her own devices, unless she is really hungry. I can relate to the feeling like you do nothing but walk around and nag all morning.

We're not bad parents, just people dealing with situations that aren't always so easy and sometimes we make mistakes, but we are human after all.

I know I'm chiming in a little late, but I wanted to share this. Every morning I had the same issue with my son. Not dressing himself, playing, not getting ready, being late. During that time I'm rushing him around as his father is standing at the door with his hands on his hips yelling that he's late stressing everyone out.

I have a chore chart for my son. Easy stuff, like taking the trash bag from the kitchen to the garage, feeding the dog, making his bed (not perfect, but done). I also have chores like dressing yourself ALL DAY, and being on time in the morning. Yes, he should do this himself, but the incentive works wonders and trains him too. (he's eight) Once I put on there that he can make money being on time in the morning, and he is now watching the clock, he made his own time schedule, he has learned when he is running late and how to compensate (sometimes with my help), and he has a set schedule of when we do what in the morning. If he's late, well, he doesn't get his money.

In addition to the chart, I do not buy him any toys anymore. He saves his money and buys stuff himself. He buys all of his video games and he even paid for 2/3 of his Wii, and an entire DSi. It teaches him the value of money, and teaches him to wait for things, and teaches him the control to purchase things he "really" wants, not just anything he see's on TV.

I use pictures to symbolize what he needs to do, and pictures of money so he can see what he's earned. I use PECS, but you can use anything. It really gives him a sense of accomplishment, incentive to be more independent and to earn, save and spend (or not to spend) money.

Homework could fit into this too, but he goes to a very small private school and doesn't come home with much. I do have exactly the same issues with homework, although in second grade he's a little better than last year. When he gets upset because I corrected something (which, like your child, is usually the issue) I tell him to go to his room, or to sit somewhere until he is calm enough to work on his homework and that usually works. He sometimes is still mad, but sometimes he finishes it just to get me away from him.

Incentive charts work WONDERS with my child because he's controlling and rigid and very much a perfectionist. The more control I give HIM, the better WE are. I wish I could figure one out for social skills.

Have you tried a timer for eating? You may need to have some 'warning" beeps, but that may work. Same with dressing. If you are done, or dress in time you get or have this or that. Not necessarily money, but some reward. Stickers maybe...earning enough for some kind of reward at the end of a designated time period. The more stickers you have this week, the more time you can do this...or you can have this or that depending on the number of stickers.....

If it works you will have much thicker hair

The timer doesn't always work well, I still end up having to walk by and go "you have 5 mins left, speed up!" She has bad time management skills. I haven't seen a timer with warning beeps before, that might work better for her. I am planning on getting a chart going for her, we've had one in the past but didn't keep up with it because it didn't help a bunch, but maybe since she is a little older it might work better.

Just out of curiosity, is there some reason you are trying to get your child to eat faster? I generally take about 2 hours to eat a meal. And no I am not kidding about that. It has been that way as long as I can remember and my parents used to always freak out that after an hour my dinner would only be half eaten. I never understood why speed eating is so important to people. Your child wont starve himself if you simple give him enough time to eat.

If we don't have anywhere to be I have no problem with her taking her time. But when we are getting ready for school I don't have all the time in the world for her to eat so slow. I don't want to get her up any earlier because we already get up so early as it takes her time to get up and wake up and start moving about. It's like she gets a bite, chews forever and then swallows - then sits there zoned out. I'm like "Take a bite, baby." And she's "Oh yeah." Like she forgot she was supposed to be eating, lol. Breakfast time before school is the only time I have to stay on her. Other meal times she can take as long as she likes.

Well of course, its morning. Do you expect her to focus on eating when she is barely conscious enough to not fall over? There is a reason I don't eat breakfast in the morning, it simply takes too long to force it all down. Just do what I do and pack a few granola bars so your child can snack on something when they get hungry.

Would a nutritious breakfast drink work better in the mornings for you? I find that is easiest for me on those days I don't want to take the time to eat something for breakfast but still want the energy to make it to lunch.

Yeah, we've done the drinks in the past - but you still have to remind her with them, too. She'd forget about granola bars or anything packed. It's not that she isn't wanting to eat, it's just that she goes off into her own little world. As long as she eats until she feels full I don't care, some mornings she eats a bunch, other mornings she just eats a few bites. She usually eats better in the evenings.

Another quick tip I learned about the breakfast drinks is: straws. (Straws help, especially if the drink has to be consumed in the car on the way to school.)

Yeah, funny you should mention that. My daughter drinks more when she has a straw. Never quite figured that one out.