Home school

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True, don't underestimate your child.

But also don't underestimate the seriousness of their stress when they try to tell you that they are having trouble handling something, or what signs like increased behavior issues might be telling you.

Too bad there isn't a scientific formula that will automatically give us the right answer for each child.

to the OP:

FYI, there have been many threads on the topic of homeschooling in this forum in the past, and the pro's and con's of the choice. Each thread may actually focus on different aspects of the decision, with different parents posting, so I would include a back search in your research.

Nan, I completely understand what you're saying, I'm just not sure it is a good fit with the topic of bullying. I assume that, because this poster is seriously considering homeschooling, the situation at school in terms of bullying for their child must be very significant. If so, it is absolutely not something that the child should get used to or 'figure out how to navigate'. As an adult, laws protect us from the equivalent treatment, workplace rules do the same. There is no need or expectation that a child should endure bullying as a part of figuring out the 'machine'.

As I said right up front in my initial response, homeschooling is right for some kids, and public/private is right for others. My point is mainly that this parent needs to make an informed choice and not be afraid of homeschooling based solely on the fact that the psychologist doesn't "like" it. If the child is in harms way - emotionally or physically - in school, and that situation cannot be rectified, then homeschooling is a perfectly acceptable alternative to consider.

Oh, definitely I second this one - do pay attention when they are having trouble. And do work with them to work through that problem ~IF~ they cannot work it through on their own. Don't let yourself become a crutch for them, because it seems to be human nature to want to run to have someone fix things for you. (It's much easier and less unpleasant than having to deal with it yourself!) You won't be doing them any favors by smoothing the road ahead of them too much. Keep them from walking off of cliffs, yes, but don't worry about stumbling in the ruts and skinned knees.... Show them how to deal with it, if they can't seem to find a way.

It's really easy for a mom to fall into the "Mother Hen" role, to want to defend her child from all evil/ills/peril. It's much harder to step back and watch a child fumble around, get hurt, get bruised. But that has to happen, to some extent, for the child to develop. Any child. You don't want to see the kid beaten up emotionally, but you do want the kid to learn that they can survive unpleasant things and how to avoid it or negate them if they can't be avoided. Kids bully. There's workplace bullying. There will always be someone who will bully. People who run for the cover of the rules and the laws tend to be ostracized and labeled 'snitch' etc... etc... Just be aware. If it's pervasive and ongoing, and severe, pull out the big guns and do something about it. If it's not, if it's just your kid's turn in the rotation that all kids seem to go through, help him/her learn to deal with it. You'll be doing them more of a favor by giving them the tools they need to fight it and survive it than pulling them away and sending the message that they can't handle it.

Also I think DW's idea for reading widely on WP is a good idea for you to do. No two of us are alike, and although we tend to share certain traits, it's not something that necessarily follows that any given approach is a good fit for your child. If anything, I'd say be willing to think completely outside the box, if needed, and improvise without shame. Do what works. And don't be afraid to experiment to find out what works. And don't forget to involve your kid in the process - - - - Best wishes - N

I was actualy rather low functing when I was younger. My mum found out what I was intrested in and used those and helped me "come out of my shell". Today even phyatrists think I have outgrown my AS if that is even possible but if my mum hadn't taken me out to homeschool me, I probably would have still be considered low functning. I'd bet my right arm that I would have commited sucide very young if my mum handn't pulled me out and homeschooled me when she did.

I love your avatar PunkyKat! I am going to have to use that phrase soon!

I agree with Nan. At elementary school and high school I was bullied, but eventually I learnt to defend myself (not physically). I was so shy and passive so I would be a perfect victim for bullying. But over the time I learnt the rules of how to protect myself (be around with friends, don´t be intimidated, choose more carefully my friends). I was very proud of myself for doing that and consider that I made great progress. So, by the time I entered college I wasn´t bullied or teased anymore even having AS and being eccentric. I don´t think that if a kid has problems relating to other kids the best thing to do is removing him from the environment but working with his relationship problems. I also believe there is a "window of opportunity" which is the best period for learning social skills and I think that the earlier the better (although that may vary with AS).

Yet, for every person on this forum that says they are glad they figured out how to deal with it, there are others who say it scarred them for life and may now refuse to talk to their parents because they feel their parents failed them by not listening. Sometimes the attempt to allow a child to take one step back in order to take two forward does nothing but put the child the one step back, or maybe even taking two or three more back because the experience was that damaging. Which means ... parents have a difficult situation to sort through; they need to be very, very careful and absolutely sure they have all the information possible.

Not to contradict what you are sharing, because it is valuable, just that for some odd reason (given the history of threads like this one) this thread is running what I see as a bit more one-sided, so I want to keep the perspective in it, least we fail to give our readers ALL the sides.

Peer abuse (aka bullying) is serious. It can cause Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder at it's worst. It depends on the kid. I was one of the vulnerable ones. And yes, the damage can be life-long.

I took my dd out of school in first grade because the combination of emotional and physical bullying, sensory issues, and learning difficulties was causing her to wish she was dead. She wasn't just being dramatic. Socialization at that point was extremely negative. I got her into speech therapy, occupational therapy, and all the positive social experiences I could find. The local homeschoolers support group was great. I even made a friend.

She's back in school in a different community and doing fairly well. She still doesn't have a diagnosis, but she does have an IEP that is mostly working.

Well, my point is each kid is different. In my case brief homeschool was the right way to go in the long run so that my dd has a chance of getting through school with her psyche more or less intact.

If you want any more input let me know...I can reply on here or PM you. I was home schooled kindergarten-8th grade and attended both public and private schools in high school so I can give you some feedback on both.

I spent around 26 years in public schools (Kindergarten on through college graduation/full-time and part-time) and I still haven't learned a way to "fit in". The only thing I learned by being around bullies is that they only get subtler with their tactics and get away with being more malicious.

Personally, I think girls and women can be way meaner than the male gender. It's best I don't even begin to express my opinion on what I know about psychologists (it could start a feud)....

But you do see it.

Please explain what "it" is that I'm seeing. If it's what I think you mean, the reason I see "it" is because I have a 27 yr. old NT daughter who has explained social things to me in detail during these past couple of years.

Obiviously the phycologist is an idot. If your child was truely going to benefit from the other children in his school he wouldn't be being bullied.

My parents believed the "experts" when they said I needed to stay in public school so I could learn to be around other children and learn to socolize. BIG MISTAKE! When I told the teachers what was going on they said it was my fault and punished me or refused to believe me. I was miserable and wished I was dead. If I knew sucide was possible I possily would have attempted it as young as nine because the bullying was so bad. I'm 23 and STILL have emotional scars from my parents not taking me out of public school sooner. They eventualy did when I was in fith grade but so many emotional scars could have been prevented if they did not listen to the "experts". If you are worried about him not learning how to interact with other people, enroll him in boy scouts or something. Why does socialization have to be with same aged peers? Where in adult life are you going to be forced to interact with 30 plus people your age? Anyway, your son is never going to learn real social skills at all if it is in a hostile negetive enviroment. Tell the phycologist to go jump in a lake and pull your son out of public school now.

Homeschooling or homeschool (also called home education or home learning) is the education of children at home, typically by parents but sometimes by tutors, rather than in other formal settings of public or private school. Although prior to the introduction of compulsory school attendance laws, most childhood education occurred within the family or community, homeschooling in the modern sense is an alternative in developed countries to formal education.