"I hate you!"

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Heehee - that is SO true. Every time my son gets frustrated with my daughter, she complains that he hates her.

I remember telling my Mom that I hated her all the time and shed get all upset so I felt empowered by it.....finally one day she got smart and disarmed me by saying "I wish you didnt hate me because I love you"...I burst into tears and that was the end of that. I used the same response with my kids (and I think its mainly a girl thing in my family, I dont recall my sons doing it) and it worked in the same way. I think my kids only told me that they hated me once or twice.

Interesting! I wonder why wording it that way made such a difference?

I think it also had to do with her tone of voice....she was very calm and quiet. Also I only had my Mom (Dad was too busy working, drinking and doing drugs when I was a kid. He stopped using when I was a teenager btw) and my first three kids only had me, I left their Dad due to abuse. Might have something to do with it.

Ah - that's quite possible. I had to leave my children's father a few years ago because of involuntary abuse. I say "involuntary" because he has brain injury; had he been doing/saying what he did intentionally, it would have been abuse, but since it was due to his brain injury following an operation in 2000, I put up with it longer than I would have otherwise.

You're a strong woman, liloleme - I've wondered what sort of mother my daughter will grow up to be if she has kids, and having read the posts of parents on the spectrum gives me a lot of hope.