Parenting your pre-teen...sigh

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Do you mean on their child's facebook? Or that kids should not be on facebook?

I'm the one in the family with the facebook page Private, of course.

I would rather my kids stay off it, but it isn't an issue because they don't want to be on it. You give away your privacy for data mining on facebook if you aren't careful, and I'd rather my kids not be data mined. They don't want to be, either.

All the experts tell you to friend your kids. It is also recommended to have copies of emails your kids receive sent to your account. We do the later, and my kids know I get copies but I have also promised not to open the copies, and I don't. It's just so I know who they are talking to. The kids are fine with all of that; they understand the reasoning. I didn't just do it; I checked in with them first.

As for the issue the OP is seeing, I would suggest this: remind him that he doesn't have to comment on the things people put up. If he wants to respond, a simple click on the "like" button will do. That reduces the potential for issues.

These years are really interesting with our kids, because they are behind their peers in social development on many levels. I don't think there is any way to hurry them through it; they aren't going to catch up through social skills training, because learning the lingo of their walking hormone peers isn't what social skills training does. My son does social skills work in speech and he sees that gapping hole pretty clearly. But, you know what? He's OK with it. He doesn't want to be "crazy" in the way he sees other kids his age being. He would like to be clued in on more of the slang, and we've discussed strategies for that, but he doesn't want to adopt it.

Not sure if I'm making any sense ... operating a little sleep deprived.

IMO, parents should never be on their child's facebook, but they really shouldn't have their own facebook either. Facebook is for "young people". I DO respect that some parents would not want their kids to be on sites like that, but I also think it's important to teach responsibility and safety when it comes to the internet. Knowing what kinds of information to give out and what to keep private is incredibly important.

I am fortunate that our center has a social group where there are other children and the instructors teach them skills to interact. They also offer social coaching but it is mainly for adults. They take them out in public and so on.
Anyway DW_a_Mom is right it is not going to make him fit in with the typical pre teens but it if you can find a social group it might help him to connect to other aspies. I know that most places dont offer this but you can also look and see if there are support groups in your area and maybe find kids around his age. Or even have him post here instead of facebook, its good to commune with our fellow aspies. Birds of a feather kind of thing.

The only way I've been able to help my teen (who was a pre-teen not long ago) is to be available as a coach for him, ask him lots of questions about his social life so I understand the situations he's dealing with, and then explain social situations to him in very clear and literal terms. Socializing in middle school has been a huge puzzle for him, but I can't follow him around, so I make an effort to talk with him every evening about how his day was at school and what types of problems he encountered. Also, facebook is not allowed yet. My feeling is that its just another complication that I will have to deal with. I do allow and encourage him to participate in the forums and chat-area of WP.

When I signed up for Facebook, at my mother's request, I did not see any indication that it was a site only for non-parents. In fact it requires that anybody signing up bet at least 13 and at that age they have to have legal permission from a parent or guardian and the parent/guardian has to have access to their page. I'm sure there are ways around that, but they are illegal and dishonest.

I don't think you can possibly have any reasonable demand for banning all parents from Facebook. Perhaps they should up the age and make it grownups only. I would rather they did not, but it's a more reasonable request than disallowing parents. Ridiculous.

thats just plain silly. facebook is a great way to keep in contact with those you dont live near. i keep in contact with my siblings who live up to 4k miles away on facebook, reconnected with a friend i had been trying to find for nearly 10 years, and chat with old friends i havent seen in 20 years.

that argument reminds me of a conversation i heard this morning, as my 6 yr old was talking to his 4 yr old brother. "Daddy is 38. And Mommy is 38. They are WAY old."

im not sure how old "WAY old" is, but im pretty sure its not flattering, and no where near accurate.

you are only as old as you feel.

Wow, Im 42...I should be dead by now !

I believe there are sites that are for young people only, but Facebook is not one of them. I can't imagine where kids get ideas like that. Someone posted something like that on my neices page one day. I was flabbergasted. I'm pretty sure the average age of people on facebook is upwards of 30. I think it's sad for kids to be so self centered they don't see beyond their own peer group. What a lot they are missing.

I'm 46...and a half! It's a miracle I can still type.

My daughters tell me that Facebook is for old people and My Space is for kids ! I guess it depends on which kid your are talking to. I like Facebook too I get to talk to my brother and some old friends that I found who I havent talked to in like 20 years.

Interesting that you are not going to let your kids go on until high school. I'm beginning to think that would be a good way to go for my own son, who is a very young 11. Although he has friends who are on Facebook, I'm thinking offline is the best way for him to connect. But I may be wrong...other thoughts from others?

If you're going to let him on at age 11 he's going to have to lie about his birthday. If a kid gets themselves on Facebook at that age they must set up a dummy email address and pretend to be their own parent and give themselves permission to do it. Not exactly brain surgery for them to figure out. I've had these same goofball kids tell me I don't belong on Facebook because I'm too young. Hello? I didn't have to lie and pretend to be my mother to get on.

I found a little girl on there who looked like she was maybe 9. She was scantily dressed and posing in provocative ways. She sent me a friend request because of some game we both played. The first picture I saw of her looked a little off but I wasn't sure. I went to her page and saw what was going on. Old men were telling her to pose "nicer" and saying "Oh, I like that outfit can you bend over more" and stuff like that. I reported it and she disappeared. I truly hope they tracked down her parents and got her some help. These guys were bald and in their thirties and forties, hadn't even pretended to be kids or anything.

I hope you explained what "hot" meant?

I realized I forgot to mention that fact. We don't have a lot of social training for kids here with aspergers under the age of 13 at present and I don't have health insurance so anything there is costs lots of money we just don't have to afford at the moment.

I wasn't mad but surprised that me and my husband were the only thats didn't know. But I guess they say the parents are the "last" to know.

My version was better than my husbands side comment to me.

I said she's saying doesn't she look good. My husband whispered I think the kids heads are swelling these days lol.

I found a book a basic idiosms but I realize some things he'll learn as he goes.

As you were when you posted I am now operating on little sleep (child sick all nite). The thing is kids know how to sign up to facebook and most of the kids in his class have it and I don't want to take it away from him at the risk of a meltdown but now I monitoring will happen. Thankfully he hasn't used it in 2 weeks. And I've told him there's no problem him playing games on facebook (even I do that) but maybe just to see what kind of comments are posted by kids his age as related to pictures and others postings. Maybe he can learn from it and I've glanced over some his friends stuff since most have an open facebook and it's harmless stuff.