She's Cussing! Help!

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My mom would slap my mouth if I cursed so I never said them. One time she washed my mouth out with soap. Other times she send me to the stairs but those were words I'd say that were disrespectful such as "duh." Even "shut up" was a bad word so I'd be getting my mouth slapped if I said it so I only said it in school since it was a school word.

Just for a little perspective, since some of the posts made me think of it.

I'm not a strict mom. I've taught my kids that words hurt, I tell them they've made a bad choice when they use disrespectful terms, and we've discussed at length why some words are considered "bad." I've never washed out their mouths with soap, punished them for "talking back," or any of that. I realize there are family members who think I let the kids walk all over me, and it really doesn't bother me, because here is the crux of the matter: both are model citizens. No behavior issues, no bad language issues, NOTHING when they leave the house and not usually in it, either. I get glowing reports from EVERYONE.

OK, there were the highly embarrassing times when they were younger and let slip a word they didn't really understand in public. But once they understood why I was so horrified, they never repeated it. I don't believe it's in the nature of most kids to want to yank anyone's chain if they have easy and natural ways to let out moment to moment stress, and I don't try to squash any of the little ways they have to express normal frustration, and have taught them that home is the safe place for letting go (as long as they don't do anything destructive, hurtful to each other, or abusive).

I hear so much worry that if one doesn't go zero tolerance, the kids can't make it in the world. By my experience, that isn't true. I remembering watching my very spoiled (in my eyes) younger sister develop a confidence and glowing public presence, and it affected how I view parenting. Between the older kids and the youngest it seemed my parents had learned that they didn't need to be so strict.

Sometimes there is a child that needs a harsher regime. The "black sheep" adult in one of my friend's families has always said that of herself. But, overall, fearing that your good child won't be good if a parent eases up a little ... that just isn't founded. Strict parents can raise very bad kids; it is consistency of method and action that matters more than anything else.

I once saw a parent here or somewhere else (I don't remember which forum) and the parent said she tells her child bad words are lazy words.

Mama_to_Grace & DW_a_mom, thank you - excellent advice that I'm going to put to use. Willard, I absolutely loved your post, and I thank you. I have told my children before that grown-ups who swear a lot do so because they don't have big enough vocabularies, so I've set the groundwork for this conversation with my daughter without doing so consciously, maybe.

"Bad words are lazy words." League_Girl, I love that. I'm going to have to remember to say that to my kids as it goes right along with what I've already said about others who swear a lot.

I did have one conversation with my daughter in which she said (she brought this up), "I love you, Mom. When I say I hate you, I don't hate you, I'm just mad." And I said to her, "I know, sweetie. As you get older, you'll learn how to say exactly what you mean." I am trying to show her I'm not angry at her for the things she says when she's upset, I just have the responsibility to help her learn a better way.