Hiding food! Argh!

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I totally get the difficulty in eliminating "bad" foods if his grandparents let him eat whatever he likes every weekend that he stays with them, but I agree with Willard that it sounds like a serious food addiction situation, like heroin addicts and alcoholics who will refuse to eat almost anything, will often in fact feel sick trying to eat anything, except sugary things ( eg. icecream ) or the lightest of soups and the smallest of salty snacks.

It sounds as if he hides the unwanted food because of the pressure he seems to be under to eat it/make it disappear, and the painfully long time it takes to force it down. I too loathed fresh fruit, ( except cherries and melon ), when I was eating sugar at every meal; they were like intolerably diluted, revoltingly "weak" copies of "the real thing", ( sweets ); neither sweet enough nor providing the "fix" that I was after.

It sounds as if he is addicted to the three classics; sugar, wheat/bread/gluten and dairy/cheese/casein, with sugar being, as it frequently is, the worst one.

I think that if you really want to try everything to solve this problem you need to override the grandparents agenda here, ( of being loved by your son by allowing him his drug of choice ), and, as Willard suggested, see what happens if you make your house, and his life, as far as possible, a sugar-free zone. If the grandparents really won't listen perhaps visits to them could be limited to once a fortnight so as to create longer intervals between sugar binges, and perhaps he would begin to feel some appetite for real food.

But I don't think that forcing him to eat, however patiently, however minimally, is a very good idea; it must be poisoning your relationship with him, alienating him further, and making the eating of "real food" a less and less appealing prospect.

Most people don't realise how serious sugar addiction can be, because it's sold everywhere, etc. But for a significant minority of the population it is as addictive, and as harmful, as alcohol, or morphine, ( a similarly powerful painkiller made from concentrated plant sap ), ... and needs "reframing" as such; Would you allow your son to drink alcohol, or his grandparents to give him morphine shots?

Good luck. I know it's hard. I am a recovering sugar-addict myself, ( on a gf diet aswell as I am gluten-intolerant too ), and when I was able to, as soon as I left home really, and for as long as my body stood it, ( until massive manic-depressive breakdown etc ), before I knew anything about all this, I ate almost nothing except chocolate bars, bacon-cheeseburgers, pizza, and icecream, ( plus alcohol ). And before I left home I spent all my pocket/birthday money on biscuits and sweets, and used to sneak down into the kitchen at nights to steal cookies.
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^ This. +1

Just wanted to thank everyone for all the sage advice and also apologize for seemingly abandoning this topic mid-discussion- we had a Las Vegas vacation to head off on!

At any rate, we have decided on a twofold approach, based muchly on the great advice we've gotten here.

-Eliminating the sugar from the household. Sounds like a good idea for ALL of us!

-Dropping the battle. From now on, SS gets him meal put in front of him. He will eat whatever he feels like eating, and it's okay if some of it is leftovers. No more arguing, no more sitting at the table for hours til he eats it all. He's 13 year old, he's very aware that he needs to eat adequately if he wants to grow sufficiently and be strong and healthy. We're done fighting this battle and trying to make him eat. If he doesn't want to, at 13 years of age and being fully aware, oh well.

Thanks again, all!

I like your new policy.

I know I'm a little late to the discussion, but here is what I thought reading all the descriptions: he is hiding the food because he doesn't want to eat it, and doesn't want to be forced to. Not necessarily because he is too full. He may want to have room for dessert instead, etc. Or may not be "in the mood" for it (both my kids are moody about food - really frustrating.) Regardless, it sounds like he has made the choice he doesn't want it and will not eat it. Eliminating the requirement should eliminate the stashing. If it doesn't, then you may be looking at a habit or compulsion, which is an entirely different conversation.

Good luck!

And hope you had a nice vacation.

I do see your position and I can see why you are frustrated. My stomach hurt constantly when I was a kid. But forcing me to do anything was always a bad idea. Removing ALL sugar from the household, cruel. Talking about it too much will make it worse. The bigger deal you make of it the bigger the problem. Zero tolerance is not going to work. Relax and drop it. I'm betting he associates 'comfort' with the bad eating habits with mom. Somehow the nicest thing you could do for him is to have the same feeling with you. Maybe try to have food for dinner he likes and let him leave the rest on his plate, or don't put it on his plate. Try to take the emotion out of it. Stop asking, stop lecturing, stop hounding, stop checking, let the subject go. Everything I was forced to do, I hate and it terrorized me. In fact it was so upsetting in many cases it still affects me today.

People can survive on less than they ever imagined. Get some yum vitamins, drive through Mcd's for some smoothies, shakes but be cool about it. If he thinks this is a new tactic he will react. The goal here is make it a non-issue, basically none of your business. And make that the new definition...none of your business, let it go, he won't starve.

let it go...he is more important than food..have you ever noticed all the health nuts are sick? got tons of ailments...leave him alone

all said with a soft voice

so many nice people with good thoughts!We were in the same boat with our 10 year old most of his life,what has helped us has ben to give him more controll,we took on one part of the problem at a time -example-we wanted to try a change of diet,ask him if he wanted to try it,gave him diffrent opptions (gf cookies,soy ice cream)he likes how he feels and has new favorites.Now he takes care of himself and eats heathy food, he stoped hiding food because we got the junk food out of the house and we included the grandparents as helpers when he goes over to there house.He is still the last one at the table every night,but not to far behind because everyone done gets a fruit popcicle or soy ice cream.All 3 of our kids are eating the same food and so are we.I try to rember he will be an adult in 8 years and hopfuly think well of his choices from childhood.Good luck I hope some of this will be helpful.
Aaron's Mom

I think your new strategy may be a good one. It can be hard to adopt a new mindset at first but it'll get easier as you get used to it, especially if there is a positive payoff: less stress and no food being left around the house! In addition to raising a son who had issues with food, I have also been a child care provider for many years. I belong to a food program and one of the things I've learned from the program is "It's your job is to prepare and serve healthy food. It's their job to decide what and how much of it to eat."

I know you don't get much support from your husband's parents in term of serving your ss a healthy diet but it's still not a bad idea to try to follow the suggestion about only having healthy food in your house. It's not a bad thing for kids to learn that different homes have different rules. Maybe if you gradually phase the less healthy food out of your own house he'll get used to only eating it at his grandparents house. (Not easy at first I know, but it may be worth the effort in the long run.)

You've mentioned "leftovers" in a couple of your posts and I'm wondering what you mean.
Do you save the food he doesn't eat at one meal and serve it to him again for the next meal? If so, that may be a reason he's hiding the food. If it isn't something he likes to begin with, he won't like it any better the second time around, know what I mean? Good luck. I hope the food issue starts to get better for you.

Oh my goodness!! My 11 year old son is exactly this. You posted in 2010 about this issue. How is your son now? Can he tell you now why he hid the food. Everything that everyone recommended you try in 2010 we've done and have not been successful. Help!! !

Lock the refrigerator

He's underweight though.

Unfortunately that doesn't always work with autistic kids. When I was a kid, if I didn't like what was available to eat, I simply didn't eat. It would go on for weeks. My mother never let me starve. But I knew another lady with an autistic child who had to be hospitalized for malnutrition because she was told he would "eat when he gets hungry".